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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Visitors after birth

18 replies

Sweetpea86 · 03/05/2017 14:35

Hi, just wanted to know thoughts on visitors after having baby. 3 years ago when I had my son and a rough recovery with emcs. I had visitors from minute I was home. I was so overwhelmed my mother in law invited my husbands family that I'd never even met over four days after giving birth. People turning up late on evening.

This time I've told people no visits for a couple of weeks and some seem really offended (always people who never both visiting normally lol )

What's your thoughts on it? I'm due in two weeks and I'm rather anxious after last time lol

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RuskBaby · 03/05/2017 14:40

I would let people be offended, it's time you won't get back again. When we got home we had visitors, I ended up in tears I was so overwhelmed. Please stick to your plan, we will do the same if there is a next time.

Iseespring · 03/05/2017 14:45

I found the same with first baby -hawkers we termed people who had very little to do with us usually but were first through the door to see the baby. With second baby I told everyone that we would let them know when we were ready for visitors and it worked out that close family and friends phoned us to congratulate and we invited them round from there.

Original poster

Sweetpea86 · 03/05/2017 14:48

I'm glad I'm not alone. The whole thing was overwhelming and im being realistic I think it will feel the same this time. As well I have my little boy to think about I want him to keep a good routine and have plenty of time to bond.

I'm mainly worried about my in laws. They see my son once a week we have to take them to theirs. They NEVER visit us. And I just know come two weeks time his mother won't leave us alone then after the new born stage is gone she will be distant again.

I will defo stick to my plan. I've said a couple of weeks to friends and even that seems to soon lol

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RuskBaby · 03/05/2017 15:01

If it does feel too soon, then delay when the time comes - do what is right for you. The in laws is a tricky one but I would still only let them come when suits you and know that in a short time you can go back to once a week.

Eeeeek2 · 03/05/2017 15:01

I had so many visitors after the birth, now at 6 months I haven't had anyone "pop in" for 4-5 months. I even had someone "pop in" at 7 am 3 days post birth, I was still in hospital with sepsis.

If there is a next time I'm going to confiscate my dh phone to prevent him telling anyone for a while week

Batghee · 03/05/2017 15:03

let them be offended. Any decent person would understand. You need to do what is best for your well being and your babies well being at that time.

Brens13 · 03/05/2017 15:14

I'm already anxious about this as I'm due on Christmas Eve (EDD at the moment, obviously I'm very early doors) and my in-laws live a couple of hours away. My MiL has been jealous all along that we live 5 mins from my parents (PiL moved away, they would have been 30 mins away so not our fault), and is a very fussy person - always needs to know everything you're doing, will always pick at something to worry about and say things along the line of "you're not doing it like that are you". So I know she's going to want to be there immediately, especially as it's Christmas and she'll be envisaging my parents being there all the time (my parents are actually quite the opposite and will probably have to be invited round or they won't come lol). But if the PiL come they'll want to stay overnight and that would just be a nightmare to me while I'm still learning everything. Am not looking forward to having this convo with the DH nearer the time!

beekeeper17 · 03/05/2017 15:14

Think that's completely reasonable. I spent at least a week after the birth crying and a complete emotional wreck, in fact I'm sure if was more than a week. I didn't mind my DH seeing me like that, but it would have made me feel loads worse if other people had witnessed me falling apart! I wouldn't have a problem telling people that you'll let them know when you're up to having visitors.

esmaesmomma · 03/05/2017 15:18

Defiantly agree with you! If I am lucky enough to be blessed with another baby I will be saying no visitors and I will visit people in my own time. I hated it when I got out of hospital with my daughter I also won't be having anyone at the hospital other then DP.

Original poster

Sweetpea86 · 03/05/2017 15:40

I've had such a rough three years since my little boy was born with my MIL undermining not only me but my husband. Last time she invited my husbands uncle around who I'd never met. 4 days after getting home he said him and his wife would come over at 4 he didn't show up till 6 and they stayed till 9-10 at night I nearly had a break down. I do feel awful because my family are the opposite and all said let us know when your ready.

I've bit my younger with my mil for 3 years I don't think I can this time for my own sanity lol.

Yes like some of other posters first month I had visitors every day then I was all alone after that people who I've never seen since my son was a month old are already creeping out the wood work the tinned me saying they can't wait to meet my new arrival.

My blood is boiling just typing this lol

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Sweetpea86 · 03/05/2017 15:41

Sorry that was meant to say tounge not younger lol

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iamreginaphalange · 03/05/2017 15:45

If they get offended that is their problem... your baby and you are the priority here!
I am banning everyone for the first week!

FamilySpartan · 03/05/2017 16:21

I don't plan on allowing any visitors for at least 2-3 weeks after our baby is born. I couldn't give a toss about offending anyone. Our real friends will understand.

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Sweetpea86 · 03/05/2017 17:17

Thanks ladies I'm glad I'm not the only one. Won't be making same mistake 2nd time around

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JaneEyre70 · 03/05/2017 17:37

Our 1st babys homecoming was completely ruined by visitors waiting on our drive, and we were inundated over the 1st week - I had a lot of stitches and was incredibly uncomfortable, and far too shy to try and feed in front of anyone. It really marred our first week and when DH went back to work and I'd have enjoyed visitors, there were none!
I always wait until the 1st two weeks are over before even asking to visit someone with a new baby. I can't understand why people are so ignorant about it, especially when they've had kids themselves.

Original poster

Sweetpea86 · 03/05/2017 17:49

Thanks Jane yeah your so right. I just remember my mother in law coming over every time I had a visitor and she would snatch the baby off them and completely take over. She never visits us even now lol she lives 10 mins away.
I only managed to breast feed a week and I put t down o missing feeds and not getting enough time. This time no visitors so I can get the hang of breast feeding.

I remember a friend from work came to visit and she came late and I had the midwife around checking my c section wound and she was sat right there oh the humiliation lol she spent the whole time asking me to take photos of her with MY baby and then posted them all over Facebook. The more I remember of the whole experience the more I'm livid I let this happen lol

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Winniethepooer · 04/05/2017 00:10

Honestly Op, people aren't as interested in tbe second dc.

You probably won't have many visitors this time.

No one was particularly interested in my subsequent dc!!

Best of luck.

KeiraKnightleyActsWithHerTeeth · 04/05/2017 00:37

If I have unwanted guests who won't budge I always say "I'm sure you understand how tired I am, so could you make yourself useful and pop some washing on/chop the veg for dinner/clean the loos". I am not usually that forthright but by the 3rd baby I learnt to paint on a non emotional face and tell them what needed doing. The people who never over stay didn't stay long enough to hear the above request and the people who overstayed their welcome usually left straight after I put them to work.

I also said to the people I did want to see "You know what it's like, I am inundated right now but in about a month when DH is back to work and I'm alone with cracked nipples and a wailing baby that's when I'd really love you to swoop in and be the friend I know and love. So how about a quick cuddle next week and then a really good catch up when I've caught my breath - I'm overwhelmed with descending inlaws!"
I really struggle to ask for help but when I got those phone calls and texts at the start asking to pop round, I made a template of the above, sent it out and didn't look at my phone again for a week.

As for overbearing in laws etc. don't tell them you are home for a day and then allow them to visit for an hour. Say the midwife is coming for an extended visit and whisper the word stitches.

Good luck! It's a lovely time with a new baby but visitors can be a minefield.

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