Depressed about recent ectopic pregnancy and pregnant friend

[NooNooHead1981]

I had an ectopic pregnancy at 6 weeks and surgery, at the end of March. I was so happy to be finally pregnant again after 6 years of wanting a sibling for my daughter. It was a ray of sunshine and positivity after a really really crappy couple of years in which I had a head injury, mental breakdown, post concussion syndrome and horrible untreatable drug-induced movement disorder tardive dyskinesia from some antipsychotics.

I've been so strong during the past couple of years of ill health, and had literally resigned myself to not having another baby since my daughter was born, as the number of times we weren't careful (every time) and didn't use contraception (ever) meant something was very likely to happen... but didn't.

Then of course, when it did, it had to go bloody wrong didn't it? To rub salt into the wound, my friend found out she is pregnant a few weeks after my ectopic. Her daughter is in the same class as mine, and she is my daughter's best friend. My friend is now completely ignoring me and giving me the cold shoulder, and couldn't even tell me face to face that she was pregnant - I had to guess via text.

Of course I am happy for her, I just wish she wasn't being such a cow to me. I absolutely understand why she must feel awkward, but to totally avoid me makes me feel even worse after such a traumatic event. I'm not even sure if she wants the baby to be honest, which makes me (selfishly) wish I was pregnant even more - I had wanted my baby more than anything in the world.

Sorry to sound so self obsessed and moany - to top it all off, my brother is very ill with bowel cancer, and I worry about him too. I just feel like I need something good to happen. I am always looking at everything I have got and being thankful/mindful etc but I am so fed up of staying strong all of the time. Every time I cry about my loss, I don't feel I let it all out - I'm scared if I do, I won't stop crying.

I just wish life could be easier. I know it's a naive thing to say, but sometimes I look at my daughter and hope she never has to worry about anything as much as I do. :-(

Sorry to hear you are struggling, your emotions are completely understandable :(

I know you've said that you have not been careful for a long time, but are you actively trying? Is your partner on board, and are you tracking cycles etc? And how long have you been trying for?

I can imagine it must be awful to wait so long

Hi OP I dont have any of your other issues and you sound very strong, but I did have an ectopic last year which was dealt with by medical management rather than surgery. A few friends got pregnant at pretty much the same time as me and are now due imminently. I do understand it really hurts and seems so unfair to have what you want so much taken away from you and someone else enjoying it instead. Her baby is not your baby though and if conceiving again is a possibility for you then I'd put all my focus to that and look to the future