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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

wanting to breastfeed and feeling under pressure from family

22 replies

Torenova84 · 02/05/2017 14:15

I really want to breastfeed however i am aware that it doesn't happen for every one so going to try not be to disappointed if it doesn't happen.

The reason i'm feeling "under pressure" from family, is some comments family members have made. For example i was telling my mum i wanted large muslins etc for breast feeding as i am quite body conscious and she replied yeah you dont want ur dad or fil feeling uncomfortable which made me feel like - so should i feel uncomfortable bf ?

also mil mentioned to oh about taking baby to hers for visits to let me sleep, which may be well meaning but just fills me with panic as if im bf i dont want baby so far away from me ? its almost like its expected also for grandparents to be baby sitting for long periods of time and i worry ill end up being the bad one if i put my foot down.

or am i just over thinking things n just stressing about nothing ?

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Amylooloo · 02/05/2017 14:29

Firstly, no. You should never feel uncomfortable about breast feeding. If your dad is uncomfortable with it, that's his issue not mine. I made it clear to my family I would be breastfeeding. And if they didn't like it, they could leave the room for the feed, which some of them did. Our bf journey didn't go well, we stopped quite soon, but there's no problem establishing ground rules now.
As for babysitting, every mum feels differently. Some are happy to let go in the first few weeks, some aren't. I personally would wait until baby is born before deciding. Just tell your parents it's too early to worry about babysitting, and to see what happens when baby is here.

newbian · 02/05/2017 14:30

Sorry to hear that you feel under pressure. Has anyone else in your family BF before? If not maybe you can share some information with them so they know what to expect. Kellymom.com is a good resource. BF an infant does mean staying near mummy a lot. I had some complaints from MIL but I always reminded her, she won't be small forever and there's plenty of time for overnights after she's weaned.

I preferred to nurse in a different room from other people because I liked the quiet time with baby. But no you should not be worried about what your father thinks, they should support you in this choice for your baby.

Good luck but be prepared to put your foot down. And it's only one of many battles with well meaning grandparents unfortunately. Every new mum I know has had them, BF or not!

Original poster

Torenova84 · 02/05/2017 14:39

i don't think its they are against it as such. think only one other family member has breast fed and that was years ago. think i was more annoyed of my mums comment an expectation that i should worry what about how others feel rather than propping me up and saying u shouldn't feel uncomfortable, its natural etc etc.

i have mentioned to oh about baby away if im bf and he agrees with me (thankfully) guess the reality is dawning that everyone is going to have an opinion about everything i do as well.

As i said i am not very body conscious - i hate my boobs, large and droopy but they are there for a purpose and i want to do the best for my lo - may as well be useful for something lol as far as im concerned i will build a bridge and get over my insecurities, just kinda hoped family might help me along the way x

OP posts:

NaturalBlondeYeahRight · 02/05/2017 14:39

My DM was supportive but no one in the family had really bf for a generation and I could tell she was worried. She had concerns about not seeing how much baby had had, wanted to give water (summer baby) as you do/did with ff. She also though dd was hungry as fed on demand, not 4 hourly like ff. I explained this was all normal and how it should be. I also used to hand over dd as soon as I finished feeding for a break and she felt useful.
As for embarrassment - I had none and people could leave if they wanted- can't remember anyone bothering. You can't see anything anyway to be honest.
Didn't leave dd with dm until I was happy to leave a bit of expressed to tide her over, 6m maybe?

beekeeper17 · 02/05/2017 14:42

You should not feel uncomfortable at all, but unfortunately you will get a few comments like that. I breastfed for a couple of months and went out for lunch with my mum in the early days and my mum asked what I would do if my dd needed fed. I told her that I'd feed her in the cafe and she asked me if I would be allowed to do that!! I tried to explain to her that it was perfectly acceptable but I could tell she was just praying my dd wouldn't waken up so I wouldn't have to feed her. I expected to get more support from my mum but I tried to not let it bother me (even though it obviously did upset me).

If the grandparents want to support you in the first few weeks and months, explain to them that the best support they can give would be to come round with a ready made casserole that you can just heat up in the oven, make a few cups of tea, or do the dishes or a pile of ironing if they come round and see it waiting to be done. Allowing you time and space to bond with your child is the best support anyone can give. There will no doubt be plenty of opportunities for them to have your darling child all to themselves a few months down the line when you'd love a child free night out.

Seeline · 02/05/2017 14:43

You may find that your LO solves the time-away issue for you. DD flatly refused any expressed or formula milk from a bottle, cup, spoon or anything else. I had no option but to carry on bfing. It got easier as she got older with bigger gaps between feeds, but I couldn't really leave her with anyone for more than a few hours even then.

Original poster

Torenova84 · 02/05/2017 14:48

i should say* i am very body conscious

OP posts:

Pinkheart5917 · 02/05/2017 14:56

You should never feel uncomfortable about breastfeeding, it's a perfectly natural way to feed a child it's kind of what breasts are for!

Depending on the baby It is possible to take a breast feeding baby out without the Mum ( if you wish that to happen) as long as it's planned around feeds or if it's near by and as the baby gets older you can express ( if you wish to do so) and if baby will take a bottle

Do try not to feel under pressure, it's your and your dp baby and you are the only people's opinions that matter. Unfortunately when you have a baby the whol world thinks it has input about what you do.

Good luck with your breast feeding, I've done it with both mine and it does give a sense of achievement when they no longer need breastfeeding

Scentofwater · 02/05/2017 14:56

Frankly if your dad or fil feel uncomfortable then they can go do something else for the time you are feeding... maybe they could be helpful and make you a cup of tea

I personally think it's best to set expectations straight away. I too have big boobs and I am not especially bothered about anyone seeing them while I'm feeding dd. It's what they are made for. So I fed dd openly without covering up (she hated cloths anyway) from the beginning and my family got used to it pretty quickly. I'm not swinging them around hulahoop style but I think it's good for society to see women feeding without hiding the whole act away as though it is shameful.

Your mil is wanting to be helpful and get to spend time with her new grandchild. Is there a way you can facilitate this without your baby being away from you for so long? There will be plenty of time for sleepovers in a year or so when your child is less dependent on you. Maybe your mil could take your baby for a few long walks in a pram instead?

Original poster

Torenova84 · 02/05/2017 14:56

thanks guys - i like the idea of offering alternative ways to help, ill speak to oh about it when the subject comes up.

i have bought equipment for expressing - express and go set, breast pump etc. I am aware i might not need these but would rather them there and handy for if needed and if not, im sure i can find a new home for them.

feeding baby is such a big focus for everyone as in everyone wants a chance to do it. guess thts why i have bought things to express with as i would like at least one bottle of ebm in the evening for oh to do, but, i have also suggested other bonding activitites he can do with lo that can just be for the two of them x

OP posts:

Original poster

Torenova84 · 02/05/2017 15:05

scentofwater i wish i could have your confidence :) it is something i've always wanted to do - i'm determined not to let peoples comments put me off. it really is eye opening the amount of comments you receive in pregnancy in general, i'm sure all well meaning but cant help but make you at the time xx

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Isadora2007 · 02/05/2017 15:10

As another body conscious and big booby mama I would suggest you get some plus sized camisole vests from M and S. wear these over your nursing bra and under your normal tops. When you feed, lift your top up but pull the camisole down to "free" your boob- leaving the camisole covering your tummy and other boob.
This helped me feel much less exposed.

Original poster

Torenova84 · 02/05/2017 15:15

thanks isadora i was thinking along lines of bump bands buy maybe vest to a more sensible idea? have you bought allot of nursing specific tops> or does wearing the vests help with tht ?

OP posts:

haveacupoftea · 02/05/2017 15:21

MIL can get lost for a start, even if you were FF it would make anyone anxious the thought of having their baby taken away from them at an early age. Tbh the breast feeding is a perfect reason not to allow it.

Scentofwater · 02/05/2017 15:25

Sorry x post. I missed your post saying you are body conscious!

If you are body conscious then even more important to set the tone straight away. If you want to use covers etc that is absolutely fine, but it should be 100% what you want to make you feel happy, not to stop others feeling uncomfortable. But it will be harder to feed later if you forget your cover and feel awkward without it than if you can brave it out to begin with. I think you'll also be surprised by how few people actually look anyway.

My mantra is "gentlemen don't look and the rest don't matter".

Good luck, and dont get discouraged if breastfeeding isn't initially easy. There's lots of help out there, don't be afraid to ask for it, and if it doesn't work out don't give yourself a hard time.

Scentofwater · 02/05/2017 15:27

Oh and I do use bump bands, they're brilliant and keep the chilly wind out too

Original poster

Torenova84 · 02/05/2017 15:35

haveacupoftea i like ur thinking . i know im totally going to be neurotic when baby arrives, hate how everyone is making plans about what i should be doing and arranging how things should be done, like baby is everyone's property x

OP posts:

Purplepicnic · 02/05/2017 15:41

Welcome to motherhood. You'll find everyone will have an opinion on your choices

kel1493 · 02/05/2017 15:41

You should never feel uncomfortable about breastfeeding. Your family should support you, regardless of how you feed your baby.
If you feel you would rather cover up, that's your choice. But you shouldn't feel you have to if you don't want to.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 02/05/2017 15:52

Bump bands work well to keep your tummy covered. Either use them, or a two tops system (one up one down) or invest in some specific nursing tops. Don't know how far along in your pregnancy you are but many nursing tops are also maternity tops, so might be worth getting a couple now so that you get more use out of them. Don't go mad though as weight loss after birth might make them too baggy and you might want something a bit more fitted.

I think you're overthinking what your family are saying. I don't see them as being unsupportive, I think they're just unfamiliar with it.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 02/05/2017 15:53

If you want to cover up a bit more, I'd suggest tucking the corner of a muslin into your bra strap at the shoulder. No need for any fancy covers unless you really want one.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 02/05/2017 16:02

I breast fed four kids and never managed to express more than about three ounces by the way. Once left DM babysitting with a precious, painstakingly accumulated, expressed bottle while we went for a night out. Apparently DS1 swigged the lot in about 10 seconds flat then howled for about 2 hours (pre mobile days). On the plus side DM never worried that he wasn't drinking enough milk from me again.

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