Ectopic Pregnancy

[user1492243773]

I found out I was expecting at 6 weeks at the emergency doctors, and in the same breath that the pregnancy was probably ectopic. Following a week of tests and scans, and the fear and pain that came with it, I had surgery to remove the embryo and my Fallopian tube. Because it all happened so quickly I thought I had escaped the grief and felt philosophical about the whole thing.

Yesterday however, a very dear friend told me she was pregnant. She had very thoughtfully not said anything until now (she is 16 weeks) as she has worked out we were the same number of weeks and didn't want to upset me. I am so thrilled for her, and excited by by her news, but (and she will never know this) it has opened up something inside me and I feel suddenly devastated by my own loss. I feel empty, hollow and that I failed at something so natural. I keep crying and just feel depressed.

Has anyone else had these feelings? I feel very alone in my sadness and I desperately don't want to affect anyone around me

I'm so sorry about your ectopic pregnancy

I had one too and was devastated. The feelings you're having are normal - you lost a baby and had surgery. At the time it was all happening I was being pragmatic and coping - it hit me some weeks later.

Be kind to yourself and allow yourself to grieve.

What you're saying sounds just like me OP, I had an ectopic and tube removed also, not only are you dealing with the loss of a pregnancy you no doubt have worries about losing part of your reproductive system also.. I felt the same about my body letting me down, I did go on to conceive quickly again after that but still feel a little sad about the ectopic, it's an extremely traumatic thing to go through so be kind to yourself and do whatever you feel you need to x

Thanks for your kind words.

Yes, I feel like I'm going to struggle to conceive now, and that I'm reluctant to try in case the same thing happens again.

I got my first AF since the surgery earlier this week too, which was painful and I think has contributed to my feelings. It just suddenly sank in that it's over, I'm not pregnant and that what I've tried to justify as 'just one of those things' was actually big and horrible and traumatic.

You need time to grieve OP, it's a traumatic, horrible thing to happen to you and you will need time to deal with your feelings.. it doesn't necessary mean anything negative for your fertility, I felt I would have issues so tried again immediately and fell pregnant again two cycles after the surgery, i wouldn't change this for the world of course but I hadn't fully come to terms with it when I found myself on the rollercoaster again which was tough.. do whatever you need to-try again after this period, don't try for a while, whatever you need and feel up to x

I worried about conceiving too. I don't know if it helps (or how true it is), but a doctor told me that the fallopian tubes 'compete' to receive the egg when it is released from the ovary. The fact I only had one tube should not materially affect my ability to conceive, as there was only one tube competing and it would win. They also mentioned the possibility of IVF if I did struggle, so there are options if you are worried about fertility.

I didn't try again for 3 months and then conceived within a few months of trying. It was really stressful going through that pregnancy - I didn't believe it would stick until I had my scan (you get an early one at about 6 weeks iirc). I kept waiting for something to go wrong, so be aware that the grief/worry might hit you again through subsequent pregnancies. I also found it tough at the time that the lost baby would have been due.

On the positive side, this happened a few years ago and I hardly think about it now (unless someone else brings it up). I have noticed that I get more more pain around ovulation time which could be linked to scar tissue etc from the op. You really do need time to grieve - that's a normal reaction x

One happened to me, and I was a wreck for about 6 weeks. I went back to work after 2.5weeks, but it was too soon and I didn't account for how the ectopic would knock me sideways emotionally.

It hurt to see other pregnant women, and again one of my friends had a due date the same week as mine. I cried that week, and I still wonder about what he/she might have been like.

It's ok to feel shit.
It's ok to be terrified of conceiving again.
It's ok to grieve.
It's ok to take your time.

Be kind to yourself. My story has a happy ending (current pregnant with DD2), but it's been a long emotional and difficult journey here.