I don't like my MW - does she have to be at birth?

[phdlife]

Yesterday (33wk exam) MW was palpating and saying, "ooh, lovely, there's the head, there's the back, there's a foot..." When I asked if she would show me she said it was "very difficult". FFS, even if I didn't get the hang of it, what would it hurt her to spend 2 minutes trying to show me?

This has been her attitude throughout - she knows more than me, even about my finances (!), doesn't seem to listen much, doesn't want to share info and won't speak up loud enough for us aged deafies. I've been far more impressed by no-nonsense MWs I've met through parentcraft and birth unit tour. Does she have to be at the birth? How can I avoid this tactfully? She's not bad or useless and very occasionally even says a cool thing, I just don't care for her much. Or do I just need to get over myself?

Very unlikely to see her in hospital given the usual care system in this country tbh

agree with piffle.

I'm sure when I had the older two, the system was that midwives rotated their duties. So they would have a few months of doing gp surgeries, then a few months of birth bits, and then follow up, etc.

You can phone or write to the Head of Midwifery at your hospital and say that you don't want to be seen by this midwife, or have her be there at the birth - it's perfectly within your right. If they ask for a reason, personality clash would be enough I would think.

I never had any of my MW's at the birth. Mine was only clinic based though, she did the odd shift at the hospital she said, but was mainly clinic based.

You can request for her not to be there!

I refused to have my local midwife for any of care for my last 2 pregnancies & births, the team were very accommodating of this. So yes it is possible and within your right. This midwife made a mistake when I had my 2nd child but tbh I just had no confidence in her before that - everyone is willing her to retire!

My community midwives weren't at the birth, (hospital) but did come to my house after the birth for check ups etc. They all rotate and do so long at hospital, so long in Community etc.

Didn't see my m/w in hospital, but didn't like the first m/w we had. Dh and I were both pleased when she went off shift and a new, improved version came on. Makes a huge difference. Next time around, I think I might actually ask for a different m/w...

I was in a similar position with ds2. I did not "like" my mw, she didn't listen and was very unhelpful. I talked it over with DP and he supported my decision to ask for another midwife. I phoned the surgery and asked for a meeting with another MW. At the meeting, I was very uncomfortable explaining that I didn't gel with my MW and wanted another one. They were so reassuring and was allocated another MW, no problem at all. I bumped into the first MW several times during my ante-natal visits and she was charming and nice and din't seem to hold it against me.

These things happen and at the end of the day you have to do what you feel is right for your unborn baby and for yourslef.

I am so glad I made the decision to change MW. Good luck.

i asked about this, because at the hospital i couldn't abide one of the midwives. (she talked in a whisper, like a sodding nun, and always referred to 'mum' and 'baby' even after i'd told her my name five times).
i was told that even on the actual day if you have a personality clash with a strange midwife, never mind one you already loathe, you are within your rights to ask for a swap and i was told they would do their best to accommodate me.

as it was, by the way, my midwife was dreamy. (mind you i'd said to the consultant that morning that he'd better get me someone i liked or they'd be a midwife down at the end of the shift... )

Oh that's brilliant - she does do hospital shifts and she said if she wasn't on when I went into labour to tell them to call her - I'm chicken so have kind of just been hoping she's not around on the day. But if she is now I won't feel bad about asking for someone who won't treat me like I'm stupid! Given my personal prejudices I thought it wasn't a good sign when I was liking the male ob-gyn a million times more than the MW!

H20 - mine's Julie Andrews rather than a nun - she keeps saying "this is a lovely, lovely baby" in tones that make me want to shout "no it's a goth devil vampire baby!" LOL - and that's when I'm not giving birth! Could easily see her needing her own TENS machine on the day ;) Ta for advice

oh god i would hate that. my mw was a young woman who was struggling to conceive, so we mostly bitched about her situation for the whole day. she was perfect.

and remeber that the mw you like on social type grounds in clinic appointments may be completely different from the one you find helps you most at the birth.

The mw I liked at the clinic was there for some of the birth and I ended up wanting to slap her because she was just too darn fluffy and ineffectual. It ended up being the brusque no nonsense mw that I had instantly disliked who I found I trusted more when push came to shove.

When pg with ds2 i didnt like my midwife, she didnt really seem to know what she was doing and was very vague to talk to. When i went into labour i didnt bother phoning her I just got straight in touch with the hospital. They did get in touch with her but she was due to start her shift in a hour anyway and so she said she would be there at 9am. What she didnt know was i was already progressing well and by 8.55am ds2 had been delivered so she missed it She walked into the room just in time to weigh him and she even got that wrong, telling us he was 6lb 12oz and then after we had phoned everyone and told them his weight she realised she'd made a mistake and he was really 7lb 2oz

This time around i have chosen a completely different hospital just in case i got stuck with her again but someone told me recently that she now longer works as a midwife, i wonder why Ive never really thought of changing midwifes if i havent been happy with them because at both ds's births i had someone totally different anyway