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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

AIBU - DP sharing early pregnancy news

24 replies

Norrsken · 27/03/2017 13:28

I found out I'm pregnant with DC3 (DC1 with new DP) last week and I'm in very early stages of pregnancy. AF was only due 3 days ago. I'm excited, but aware of the risk of miscarriage at my age, almost 38. DP is aware of my worry and we agreed not to tell anyone until I was eight weeks gone.

AIBU for being upset that DP gave away the news to his family the first time he saw them after finding out the news?

When asked "is Norrsken pregnant" he was unable to simply say "no" and move the conversation on. I wasn't there at the time.

AIBU for wanting news about my body to be shared when I'm ready, and take part in telling the news.

I hate being gossiped about, and I've just moved to a tiny village where people do nothing but gossip. I worry that if I was to have a mc I have to put up with the fake pity of strangers.

Let me know if I'm AIBU, I probably am, seems being annoyed and irritated is my main pregnancy symptom at the moment...

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Namesame · 27/03/2017 13:33

Yanbu, not only is dp being an idiot sharing so early he's clearly gone against your wishes.

Congrats on your news tho xxx

MrsBartlettforthewin · 27/03/2017 13:34

You are not being unreasonable. I'd be so pissed off with him. Was it close family like his mum and dad or all of them - aunties uncles etc.

Doublechocolatetiffin · 27/03/2017 13:34

I don't think you are wing unreasonable at all, but I'm going through a missed miscarriage so it's tainted my views massively. In the future I wouldn't want to tell anyone until after the 12 week scan was ok.

Hollyhop17 · 27/03/2017 13:34

I dont think thats unreasonable at all, it is incredibly early still. Can you explain to him how its made you feel and make sure he doesnt tell anyone else? Good luck for your pregnancy.

TinyPawz · 27/03/2017 13:39

I think you are being a little bit unreasonable. He is obviously excited. Perhaps he told the folks that he knows you both might need for support should the worst happen.

Congratulations by the way xx

Oysterbabe · 27/03/2017 13:45

YANBU. When to share the news is something you should both agree on. Telling them when you'd agreed to wait is a dick move.

Billybonkers76 · 27/03/2017 13:51

I think you are being a bit unreasonable. If I was asked something outright I would be unable to lie to my family. That is quite a big lie. If, sadly, you do suffer a miscarriage and his family keep asking what the matter is or are you pregnant, that would be worse. At least you would have help and support this way.

Original poster

Norrsken · 27/03/2017 13:59

He 'told' MIL and SIL by (by his own description) blushing and making bad excuses when asked.

Holly I told him how I felt, he said it wasn't his fault as he felt "ambushed and I'm not a good liar". FFS, even if he said a false-sounding "no" he would have made it clear that it wasn't a subject open for discussion.

I know no-one should feel they have to hide a mc, but if it happened to me I would not involve family, his or mine.

doublechocolate sorry for your loss

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mummabubs · 27/03/2017 13:59

Personally I think YANBU, it would have been polite of him to either tell you that he wanted to tell his folks or to respect your wishes to wait (understandably!) until you're further on to tell family. At our 12 week scan last week we found out that I have a bicornuate uterus (which has health implications for pregnancy/birth) and DH happily told his family all about my "funny shaped womb". Whilst I completely understood him answering his family's Qs about the scan honestly I also had that feeling you spoke of - it's my body so shouldn't I have the right to decide who knows about my health? (That and as lovely as my MiL is she's quite over-involved even at this early stage having bought nappies, bibs, baby wipes and constantly touches my stomach which makes me want to be sick!!) Again, I'm 12 weeks... it's early days!!!

Anyhoo, congratulations for your news and hope you get to have more input about how your news is shared in future weeks 😊

Original poster

Norrsken · 27/03/2017 14:05

Billy I see your point about lying, as I see it it's more about postponing facts. I would not involve family if I had a miscarriage. If I did I might want to share the sad news some time afterwards, I would not want family members asking me how my pregnancy is progressing as I'm going through a miscarriage

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mrsnoon · 27/03/2017 14:11

You're 4 weeks in and someone has directly asked him if you're pregnant? Really??
Sounds like he just couldn't keep it to himself and is now trying to cover that bit up. I'd be furious tbh, having been through a mmc and that loss of control over my body being bad enough, without people talking about it.

isupposeitsverynice · 27/03/2017 14:14

It's hard to lie directly to your mums face though! You're not being unreasonable but I think you're being a bit hard on him. I'd have struggled to tell the lie in his shoes I think and I developed quite a knack for fibbing as a teen. Is your MIL alright, generally? Can she be asked not to ask questions and just wait to be told things?

HouseworkIsASin10 · 27/03/2017 14:16

No way they just randomly asked if you were pregnant, when you are 3 days late?

He's blabbed and now making out they brought it up.

Original poster

Norrsken · 27/03/2017 14:19

mrsnoon he told MIL six months ago that we might try for a baby, I think they took a chance at asking and got the timing perfectly right!

That's the thing, people do talk about miscarriages, and they speculate. About the woman's age, weight, drinking and excercise habits. She becomes an object of gossip, he might get a pat on the back and drink bought for him down the pub.

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xStefx · 27/03/2017 14:20

Yeah he blabbed, why would they ask that at the same time?

He should have listened to you when you asked that specific thing of him

Tell him (DH) I wish I hadn't told you now as you cant support my wishes ! That will make him feel bloody guilty

Original poster

Norrsken · 27/03/2017 14:26

mummabubs why do men so readily share these things? Yes, it's his baby too, but it doesn't grow in his body!

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Original poster

Norrsken · 27/03/2017 14:29

Perhaps he blabbed, perhaps MIL&SIL took a lucky guess. It does confirm what I already knew, I've put on too much weight since Christmas!

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SeveredPixieBits · 27/03/2017 14:32

I have sympathy with him because I did the same thing! DH and I agreed not to tell anyone until after our 8 week scan but the first time I saw my mum after I had POAS she took one look at me and asked me outright if I had anything to share! I couldn't lie to her however hard I tried. At least he hasn't blabbed to random strangers on the street. It's understandable to tell his mum, I think.

Original poster

Norrsken · 27/03/2017 14:38

isuppposeitsverynice MIL/SIL are ok, but we live in a tiny village where gossip is rife.

There are too many who prefers a few moments of attention to preserving someone's privacy. I know the type well, my mother was one.

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Original poster

Norrsken · 27/03/2017 14:43

severedpixie I'm trying to be understanding, after all it's his DC1 to my DC3, but you blabbed about what was happening to your body!

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picklemepopcorn · 27/03/2017 15:21

I'd have been like him. I'd have never told anyone, but if someone guessed, especially someone close to me, I'd get flustered and cave. If I were you I'd ring them, or get him to, saying its really early days and you aren't sharing the news yet.

I'm aware of a friend's health issue which is currently not general knowledge. She has changed so much, people are bound to notice and ask me soon. I'm practicing variations on 'Do you think? Perhaps you should ask her.'

OuchBollocks · 27/03/2017 15:25

Knock it on the head hard before everyone in your extended family knows the exact state of your perineum after birth. They're your genitals and reproductive organs not an alternative to Emmerdale for entertainment

Blueskyrain · 27/03/2017 16:32

I'm also rubbish at lying, and I'd have blurted it out if directly asked, so I wouldn't be too harsh on him.

I can understand why you are annoyed though, but I do think that perhaps you are overestimating gossip if you miss any. Most people will just want to be supportive and them knowing can mean they are better able to do that.

It's nice having it as your little secret, but it's also nice having the support of close friends and family.

Original poster

Norrsken · 27/03/2017 16:56

ouchbollocks that's what I feel I am from now on, the entertainment and breeder. What rankles is that I thought I was close(ish) to MIL & SIL, they could have asked me if they were so desperate for news.

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