My Rainbow Baby

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I had a miscarriage before Xmas and have just found out that I am pregnant with my Rainbow baby. It it very early days but I am delighted!

A good friend of mine had a miscarriage about 3 weeks after I had mine. It was the first pregnancy for both of us and every now and then she texts me asking how the 'trying again' is going. She has been someone who can relate to the exact feelings of "everywhere I turn people are pregnant and I had a miscarriage" I have been having and I think we have both sought comfort in the fact that we kind of went through it together.

I know she is as keen to catch again as I was so I am itching to share my joy with her but I am also afraid that she will be devastated if she hasn't caught yet herself. And I also don't want her to then feel stressed and pressured if she hasn't caught yet because she needs to be relaxed and calm so she has the best chance of catching.

She took the miscarriage much harder than I did and was much more emotionally effected by it so I really don't want to upset her. Is it selfish of me to want to tell her? I want to share it with her for all the right reasons but haven't because I am worried it will hurt her.

I am only 2/3 weeks along so I know it's too early for me to officially start telling people but I'm not really the type of person to wait for the 12 week mark to tell my close friends.

It's a baby after a miscarriage i.e. after the rain and storms (loss), you get a rainbow.

Yes july she's been really good. We did decide to pay for the tests to speed things up but she agreed straight away that we could have them. I found out very similar timing to you, just as you think you're nearly in the clear really which is why it's so upsetting. The chances of things going wrong once you've heard a HB are so low aren't they so I did keep thinking if I did have killer cells or thrombophilia, wouldn't it have happened before that point? But I guess on a positive, it did last nearly 9 weeks so hopefully my body is ok with getting pg and with carrying a baby. Sounds dramatic but I know some people who can't find any reasons why things are not working and have had several rounds of IVF with no success so I'm trying to put it all into perspective. Are you having any extra scans this time around or anything? xx

Also july, how long did you wait before trying again? I've had a negative test already so we're carrying on as normal. The consultant did say you should be very fertile now so fingers crossed that's the case. You're definitely not mad for doing it all again and as you say, each time is a new chance xx

Chlo, it makes all the difference having that support. Honestly! I am having extra scans this time. I was offered weekly scans, but I go once a fortnight. I get scan scanxiety each time. The first time, we waited 4 months to try again, this time, 2 months: enough time for the tests to be done.
The chances are supposed to be lower after a heart beat, but I no longer get assurance from those. I just don't want to be a nervous wreck the whole time!
I think your positives are a lot to hold onto and with the support of the consultant, it's a great place to start.

That's brilliant that you're getting the extra support. I think it's definitely needed and you deserve the added reassurance. Statistics seem a bit baffling really.. I know of several people it's happened to so not as rare as you'd think. In a weird way I'm looking forward to getting the results as would rather know if something is up x

Thank you, what a lovely expression.

Tilliums I hope you're okay? I had my initial miscarriage at 11 weeks and the a second a couple of months later very early on - my heart goes out to you if you're going through this again. I know a lot of people who bled in pregnancy and all was fine though, I hope this is the case for you.

Jinglebellmel unfortunately it hasn't ended well for me this time. It is much earlier than my last mc so it's not quite as painful physically but much more painful emotionally. It's really common for people to have one mc, especially on your first, I know that and have a lot of friends who have been through it. But two makes me feel like there might be something wrong x

Hi Tillums,

I'm really sorry to hear it hasn't ended well. After 2 mc's, I have said the same and was told lots of times that it isn't true that there might be something wrong. It's less common to have two in a row, but two early mc's might not be connected. It's so hard to see it like that. It might make you feel better to have some testing done. I know they wait for three, but I have come across doctors who will test after two.
I'm so sorry about your loss and I hope you get the support you need to try again whenever you'd like to. x

Thanks JulyLady
I remember you saying that they did tests for you because your blood was thick and slow, did they think that was linked to the mc? The reason I ask is because they did bloods on me the other day and I'm usually a good blender, well hydrated and easy to find a nice juicy vein. But this time the Doctor had a lot of difficulty getting anything at all and had to almost suck it out with a syringe to get enough blood to test! (Sorry if anyone is squeemish)
This is really unusual for me and o wondered if it could be connected? Xx

Hi Tillums,

They were not sure, but it was a possibility, that's why I'm on the aspirin now. I don't know if this one will turn out any different, but it's worth a try.
There are some clotting disorders they can't detect, so sometimes it could help. Sometimes the blood only clots like that in pregnancy as well. xx

So sorry to hear that Tillums. Mine were similar, first at around 11 weeks and I managed to put that down to bad luck, followed by an early mc at about 5 weeks. Just like a period physically but I found it much harder emotionally coming after the first and was convinced there must be a problem. Things felt so dark at that time.
Have a word with your GP, I just wanted the second one noted incase I got to three, but I was surprised how helpful he was, he ordered a lot of blood tests and one did show a problem with my thyroid. I got pregnant a couple of weeks later and managed to start the medication just in time - 28 weeks now. I'm not saying there is anything wrong in your case, but it really helped me emotionally to feel I was doing something. I hope you get another bfp soon and it works out for you xx

Just to say I also started low dose asprin as soon as I got my bfp this time around, they'd messed up the clotting tests so I didn't have a diagnosis for any clotting disorders, but after a lot of research there didn't seem to be any evidence that such a low dose could cause any harm anyway. Not recommending anyone else do this, but maybe discuss with your GP or do some research of your own.