Need people to talk to

[KateFenton]

Hi everyone,

I found out I was pregnant on Wednesday and I'm not in a good place.

We've been seeing what happens since summer last year but there had been nothing and I've been very stressed out this year so didn't think anything would happen.

Since the beginning of the year I started a new job, we've bought an apartment that won't be ready until the beginning of May and moved back in with my parents. So I was completed and utterly shocked when I found out I was and at the moment I feel awful for saying it but I'm not sure if I want it.

I've been feeling pretty much constantly sick for about a week and eating next to nothing (yesterday was 3/4 of a rice cake, 4 small ginger biscuits, quarter of a pizza and coconut water) plus I keep getting really bad stomach cramps.

I feel incredibly stressed out, I'm barely sleeping and have to keep pretending everything is ok in front of my parents. I'm getting no alone time to process it all.

My bf is being wonderful, so supportive but barely getting any time with him because of work and other commitments.

I just feel so overwhelmed and that this is completely the wrong time for this to happen and I'm questioning if this is even what I want. Plus I'm hyper vigilant for any signs that something is wrong and keep convincing myself everything isn't ok

Just don't know what to do...

K

Didn't want to read and run. Just to say you're not alone! The first few weeks are the hardest. There is so much anxiety. It gets better I promise even for people with negative side effects once you're further along and feel movement it's very re assuring. But so is the 12 week scan - makes it feel much more real.

Hope that helps

Hello! Congratulations!

I think feeling out of control of a situation makes anyone feel it's wrong or bad. It's very normal.

It sounds like mild anxiety - antenatal anxiety, which is really really common. Partly due to hormones! I'm
6 weeks and had a few days of this on and off already. I've found the swings can be quite huge - one day ok, the next not.

Can you try to book a weekend away with your bf? Is it even worth letting your parents know? It's really hard to know who to tell but it's very hard to keep such a secret when sharing a house.

There's a good charity called pandas and they have a help line you can call to chat. I think it helps to talk to others and in fact I've told a couple of friends to help me feel more excited (as I'm determined to enjoy this pregnancy!) pandas also have meetings you can go to and the website is really helpful.

Posting in here is helpful too.

www.pandasfoundation.org.uk

Congratulations ! I remember being really anxious the first few weeks as well (still get it sometimes) as there are so many new thoughts and things.

Maybe try to get a quiet weekend away somewhere with your bf?
Or if you need someone who can see the situation from an outsider's perspective, book a session with a therapist. It sounds a little over-the-top but think of it as a facial or a massage for your mind - it'll give you a space that is just yours to talk about your concerns and anxieties.

Anxiety is very common in pregnancy - whether it's planned or a surprise. Add to that the general awfulness of trimester 1 and I'm not surprised you feel overwhelmed. It's a horrible feeling but also a very normal one.

I'm 22 weeks with DC2 and, like you, we had decided to let nature take it's course. There were various reasons for us to expect it would take another year or more. I was more than a little shocked to get a bfp one month later. It took a while to sink in and there's no head space when you feel nauseous 24/7, can't eat or sleep properly and everything smells evil.

It's easy to say once you're through the first trimester, but try to give yourself some time to adjust - there's a lot to take in and your body probably feels like it's been hijacked. Perhaps you could go somewhere quiet for a few days with your boyfriend to get some space to chat together? Do you have a close friend with children who could help reassure you about the first few weeks? Is your mum the supportive type who could be a shoulder at the moment? Hopefully meeting your midwife at 8 weeks will give you some reassurance.

Congratulations