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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Getting a seat on the train & tube

59 replies

DinosaurFanGirl · 15/03/2017 14:26

Just wondering what other people's experiences are like with trying to get a seat on trains and tubes. I'm very obviously pregnant plus I have a baby on board badge but even with me asking I struggle to get anyone to give up a seat for me on trains and tubes. Most of the time people in the designated seats appear to be asleep or completely ignore me asking. Is it just me who has these issues and has anyone found a solution? I wouldn't mind standing but after a long day and an early start I'm completely tired and really suffer with headaches x

OP posts:

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MackerelOfFact · 15/03/2017 16:25

On another point, some women wear "baby on board" badges then when you get up they say they don't want to sit... why the badge then pls? I'm almost expecting them just to be British and sit even if they don't want to!!!

If you're only travelling 1 or 2 stops, the hassle of sitting down and then fighting your way back off again can be more hassle than just standing by the door. If they change lines, they may want a seat on one line but not another. I think that's why!

WhingyNinja · 15/03/2017 16:29

I personally never had an issue and I did jubilee/Piccadilly/Southern train from London Bridge - it was a fucking massive commute!

I did have the odd person pretend to be asleep, I would laugh loudly and say 'you could've just said no!?' and someone else would hear, act mortified and offer their seat

WhingyNinja · 15/03/2017 16:30

Indeed, Mackerel!

GreedyDuck · 15/03/2017 16:31

Oh and "hissing" was a response to someone being "scary".

Oh ffs I was being tongue in cheek. I'm 4' 11" and the scariest thing about me when I'm pregnant is that I might puke on your shoes. But my response was to a pp as I don't see why someone who is obviously pregnant/disabled/feeling unwell/carrying a small child should feel like they need to preface a request for a priority seat with a timid 'sorry to ask...'

If the person already seating there is also unable to stand for whatever reason, then all they have to do is say so. No hissing required.

WhiteLily86 · 15/03/2017 16:33

Not based in London but was there twice in early pregnancy with a friend who had broken foot (full big supportive boot thing on, although no crutches). She had to loudly ask them, the people ignoring her astounded me. I have never seen this in other major cities.

Also, apparently the BOB badge intention is actually to alert emergency services to the fact you are pregnant should something happen, not for the sole cause of getting a seat on public transport. Not sure how true this is though.

GreedyDuck · 15/03/2017 16:34

Hahaha WhingeyNinja, I used to tap them gently on the arm if they looked like they were faking sleep and nobody else was offering.

Tbh, the tube is so rank I am going to try and carry on cycling for as long as possible this time around though, the smell of some people is doing my sensitive pg nose in.

DrewOB0 · 15/03/2017 16:36

I normally get seats, except on train around 8.20 am where people would throw you off to get on, pregnant or not. This morning was seriously unsafe .

MoneyPit2016 · 15/03/2017 16:37

I've 'accidentally' fallen into someone's lap when I couldn't find a seat. Wouldn't normally be so unsteady on my feet, but I was staggered by the fact he was using the window seat for his rucksack.
Funnily enough, he moved over.

Joffmognum · 15/03/2017 16:47

Are you overweight, and maybe people can't tell you're pregnant? They might think you're just tired from walking etc because your bump doesn't show to them

If you tell them youre pregnant though, you've met a lot of arseholes:(

Joffmognum · 15/03/2017 16:58

(Personally I'd give my seat to anyone who asked unless I was in a really bad way myself)

Original poster

DinosaurFanGirl · 15/03/2017 17:24

I'm super skinny and have a very obvious pregnancy bump. There's no mistaking me as being anything but pregnant. Maybe it is just that I travel during rush hour at both ends that people are deliberate. I've tried asking individuals "excuse me, is it okay if I sit down?" And "hello, I'm pregnant can I sit there?" And "would you be able to give up your seat for me". I've also asked loudly "can I grab a seat?" And "would anyone mind if I have their seat". I've also stood obviously infront of the designated seats with my badge.

It makes me feel like complete crap when people just ignore my request. If they returned saying "no sorry I need it" then I wouldn't mind. But I just feel like people are judging me instead. Stupid I know.

OP posts:

Hollyhop17 · 15/03/2017 17:30

I have found a big split. People are much better on the tube than commuting trains. I have always been offered on the tube but my train to and from work is utterly absymal. I am very pregnant and have a badge, but people are not interested. I have taken to sitting in first class...

You have my total sympathies, someone pushed past me to get on the train the other day to rush to a seat. I was flabbergasted. People are rude.

yolkybokey · 15/03/2017 18:23

I wait a little bit when I get on the carriage to see if anyone spontaneously offers, but most of the time I have to ask. I just say 'would you mind if I sat down?'. People are often looking at phones, asleep/fake asleep or just daydreaming so they don't always notice me. If someone doesn't hear me or they ignore me then I wave to get their attention. There's only so much a person can 'ignore' without it getting embarrassing.

DappledThings · 15/03/2017 19:03

I had people falling over themselves to offer me a seat too on Victoria Line and Southern (gawd love 'em) trains. As I was only going 3 stops on the tube I usually politely declined because it was more work getting down and up!

Is there any chance people aren't hearing your request if you're particularly softly spoken? I admit it's unlikely but I've never seen anyone ask for a seat and be ignored in 16 years of London commuting. The one time I asked (pre-bump showing and I refused to wear a badge but felt really faint that day) the guy practically leapt up and apologised profusely

Semaphorically · 15/03/2017 19:11

I didn't have a problem getting a seat either commuting in on the train or on the tube. I found the best two approaches were:

stand in the vicinity of the priority seats and say "sorry, do you all need the priority seats?", then someone would usually stand up (ie not picking on one person, but kind of announcing to the whole carriage)
stand near someone not buried in phone/tablet/paper, then usually at some point in the journey someone would offer their seat or standing people would intercede with sitting people on my behalf

I found that people were very lovely about it for the most part. Once I had a seat offered to me by a kid (maybe about 10?) travelling with his dad who had clearly been sent over to offer me his seat. He was very shy and I was getting off at the next stop so I didn't need the seat, but he was so sweet about it.

BIWI · 15/03/2017 19:17

I travel to work every day on the Northern Line, and have been doing for the last 3.5 years, and I've never seen anyone behave in the way you describe.

People might not notice a pregnant woman - most of us are buried in our books/phones/papers - but if someone is sitting in a priority seat and they're asked by a pregnant woman for their seat, there's an almighty haste to give it up for them.

I've also seen other passengers ask for a seat on behalf of a pregnant woman, when it's not been obvious (because it's so crowded) that she needed a seat.

So I'm sorry, but I don't recognise this behaviour!

Lules · 15/03/2017 19:28

Tonight on the northern line 3 people offered me their seat. I had to accept the third time! I'm not that pregnant although I look more than I am. But I do remember from my last pregnancy that it does vary. And on trains you have no chance - that's definitely every person for themselves. Some companies do free upgrade to first if you have a season ticket.

INeedNewShoes · 15/03/2017 20:02

I still maintain you're more likely to get a response if you ask a specific person. There have been studies done on this. Crowd mentality means people generally think the need for someone to help is better dealt with than someone other than themselves.

I think there is nothing wrong with asking a person, politely, whether they might be able to give you their seat.

I say this as someone with a 'hidden' medical condition that when it's flaring I most definitely need a seat if I've made it onto a train. When I was ill I would have been perfectly capable of saying if asked to give up my seat, 'I'm afraid I do need this seat; perhaps you could ask someone else'.

Sparklyuggs · 15/03/2017 20:09

Sorry to hear you've been having this. I ask whoever is in the priority seat if I can sit down and 90% of the time they say yes happily. I find women are more likely to huff then get up. If the person has an obvious reason to be in the seat (crutches, pregnant etc) I'd ask the person next to them.

You can't be shy though, I ask 'excuse me, may I have the priority seat?' quite loudly so they have to hear me but that they could say no if they have a hidden disability. Once the prat pretended to be asleep so I loudly asked if anyone would be willing for me to sit down before I fainted- about four people jumped up!

PetalMettle · 15/03/2017 20:14

I never got offered a seat until I was about 8.5 months. I used to walk into the middle and say "excuse me I'm pregnant could someone let me sit down please". Nearly always would get me a seat and that was rush hour

Emeraude · 15/03/2017 20:25

I got offered a seat yesterday by a man with a walking stick, who had already got up and insisted I sit down. I was so embarrassed I think I just muttered a confused, "Thank you." I didn't want to be rude by refusing the seat when he had already got up and made a fuss! Oh god it was awful. Then another man offered his seat to the walking stick man, who refused it saying I'm just going to the end of the line (ARGH). The other man then got up and made the walking stick man sit down, who then told the whole carriage how nice Londoners are. I think I prefer it when people stare at the floor.

eurochick · 15/03/2017 20:39

I commuted into and around London daily and never had an issue.

As for why someone might wear a BOB badge and turn down a seat, in my case it depended on the part of the commute. On the short bus ride to the station I often politely refused as it was more hassle than it was worth. On the 30 min commuter train, yes please!

Wigeon · 15/03/2017 20:50

I've been a pregnant London commuter twice and actually it was fine both times - either I had a rush of people offering their seat, or I asked and got one. Really sorry that hasn't been your experience! Not sure what more you can do, but please don't feel it's unreasonable to keep doing what you're doing.

Actually, the worst bit was when I was under 12 weeks preggers but still felt very light headed and could have done with a seat, but was too embarrassed to announce that I was pregnant to the carriage (no bump at all) and too embarrassed to ask for a seat when I appeared entirely fit and healthy. At least one time someone noticed me swaying gently and got up anyway, very kindly, at which point I did admit to being pregnant!

EsmesBees · 15/03/2017 20:57

I have travelled on the Victoria line throughout two pregnancies and have only had two people do anything apart from jump up when asked for a seat. The first didn't speak English and didn't understand the question or the badge, the second responded 'what, instead of me?' when i asked him if he would if I sat down!

Oh, and i take my badge off for my short hop on the Jubilee as otherwise I get offers of seats when it's easier to stand.

MuffinMaiden · 15/03/2017 21:18

I travelled most Friday evenings when pregnant and it was a mixed bag, sometimes people being ignorant jerks, other times offers without asking. One time a lovely irish bloke, who had already given up his seat for a lady with crutches, ran up the carriage to get his friend to give me his seat.

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