Pregnant but 2yo DD in hospital with febrile convulsions

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My 2yo DD started fitting Saturday morning about 10am. She lost consciousness and stopped breathing and went blue, we didn't know what was wrong and thought she was choking so were desperately trying to clear her airways because we were convinced it was blocked and me and my partner thought she was going to die. Anyway we called an ambulance and whilst we were waiting she regained consciousness but she continued to have seizures all day till about 4/5 ish in the afternoon. She's in hospital still, she had a brain scan which was fine. They are pretty sure it was something called febrile convulsions/seizures and it's down to a nasty infection that her body wasn't coping with. She seems a lot better, she's on antibiotics and they are keeping a close eye on her for more seizures.

I'm 16 weeks pregnant and already feel like everything's changed- I was hysterical on Saturday, couldn't handle it. When she had the first seizure I ran out on the street screaming for help cos we didn't know what to do.

I feel like I can't look after this next baby cos I've failed my 2 yo DD. I can't sleep at night cos what happened Saturday morning goes round and round in my head, it still scares me.

I know now because my daughters seizures were "complex" they're more likely to happen again. I feel like I'm not strong enough to cope.

X

I feel like I can't look after this next baby cos I've failed my 2 yo DD.

When I read your post I honestly didn't think you'd in any way failed your daughter. It sounds like a genuinely terrifying situation, one in which I think most people would have been scared for their DD and in which any caring, loving mother would be hysterical. Seeing an adult have a seizure scares me, let alone a toddler, let alone my own child.

If a mother had taken it in their stride, not been crying in the street for help, not reacting out of great love and concern...that would surely be more of a cause for concern?

You are strong enough, I promise you. You've grown and nurtured your daughter, that's no small thing. You're now growing another little person.

I'm not actually at all religious, but I've always loved that bit in the bible along the lines of "He sends you a cross and He gives you the strength to bear it".

Thank you Zoe1983, it means a lot.

I honestly think I'm never going to relax again. If she ever has a temperature again I'm just going to be petrified she's going to have a seizure....and I keep thinking how am I going to look after a newborn and watch out for my DD. She is my world, I'm so scared of losing her.

I would rather her stay in hospital and crazily not looking forward to her being home. I keep thinking she's going to die in her sleep.

I now don't feel excited about this pregnancy at all.

X

You have not failed your daughter!

My little sister had fits several times when she was a baby due to a kidney issue... she managed to time them so well it was everytime nan and grandad were looking after us making mum and dad come home

It will most likely be due to an infection and it will be very easily treated! None of this is your fault OP so please don't feel that way!

You are going to have a ton of parents on here replying that their DC have also had febrile convulsions. Myself included. DD was three, had a temp (not due to infection, just one of those things). She'd refused medicine and I just thought, "it's ok, I'll make her have some before bed." We didn't get to bedtime.

I actually didn't panic because my Dfather was there and he had been through the same thing with my brother when he was a few months old. My DH freaked out. I don't think either of us acted right or wrong, just differently in the circumstances. My dad said afterwards it's something that you never ever forget. And he was right.

DD thankfully only had the one, but they did tell me at the hospital that she would be far more likely to have it happen again with a high temp until she's around seven. I had a follow up phone call from the health visitor (standard in our area) and she said her son had them on 14 different occasions in the end.

You haven't failed her. These things happen. There was no way of you knowing and you have done your very best for her. I hope she's better now

I've just seen your next post. TBH, yes, every time my DD has a raised temp I am definitely concerned, but it's faded from the panic I would feel initially. Now I just get medicine into her straight away to bring it under control and we keep a close eye.

You will remember it forever, as I said previously, but honestly it won't effect you in the same way in a years time

Panicking, being desperate for help, calling an ambulance, not getting over it instantly sound like all the traits of a mum to me! These things happen, it will get better, it was a lesson for you (a HORRIBLE ONE) but if you've learned something that will help your child/ someone else in the future take the positive from it! We're all guilty of beating ourselves up over things we shouldn't and not feeling good enough. You done exactly what your daughter needed at the time and got her help. You look after her just like you'll look after your new baby! Congratulations❤

This happened to my eldest DS (now 10). The first time it happened (when he was 13 months) was just as you describe - he turned blue and we were frantically trying to clear his airways, assuming he'd choked on something. Luckily the ambulance was very quick but I was utterly hysterical about the whole thing.

I would never have been able to predict the reaction I would have to seeing my son like that. I felt the exact same as you for a while - felt like it was my responsibility to keep his temperature down and keep him well and I'd failed. Time (and wise words of others) helped me to realise that wasn't the case at all. You haven't failed anybody, and by seeking medical help immediately, you've done all you could to help. Your concern for your child shows just what a good mum you are!

I won't lie and tell you mine never had another convulsion, or that you won't be dreading the next time your little one becomes ill, but there will never be another time that's worse than the first time it happens - personally, not knowing what was happening the first time was what affected me most.

If it's any consolation, my DS did have more seizures but they completely stopped by the age of 2.5. My youngest son was never affected by them.

Hope you feel better soon, I do know exactly how you feel. Take care, and please don't hold yourself responsible at all for this - it's surprisingly common.

My friends son has had these since being about 9 months old. It was terrifying for her at first but he's had a few and she's now able to keep calm and has medication that she can give him. It's something that she has just had to get used to.
She has talked about how scary it was at first and how worried she was at first about it happening again but I suppose with experience she's learnt what signs to look out for and she can try and pre-empt it and be prepared for the possibility of it happening again.

Hopefully your little one won't actually have anymore but the worry you feel is completely understandable

No way have you failed. Febrile convulsions are scary, and always will be. There maybe a next time but you will have some experience behind you. Just for general piece of mind have you thought about doing a paediatric first aid course? Might help you to feel more reassured.
The fact that you are on here saying all this makes you an amazing caring mum . X

I can really identify with the feeling that she would be better in hospital. When my PND was at its worst, I was convinced that my daughter would be better adopted. Not because I didn't love her, but because I love her so much I felt I wasn't up to the job of caring for her. I remember lots of very kind people (including on here) reassuring me that I was the best mum for her. It took time to believe this and start to feel more confident, but eventually I did.

You've had a horrible, shocking experience. But it will get better. Your daughter needs you and I am sure that having been poorly, the place she most wants to be is back at home with you. It will take time to feel relaxed around her again, but it will get better xxx

Thank you everyone. I'm glad I wrote something on here. Been feeling so alone with it all. Haven't told my partner how I feel, he's more of let's get on with it kind of person....he was very scared but now that he knows what happened he can put it behind him. He's a practical man.

I have a midwife appointment on Thursday. Thinking maybe I should tell my midwife how I feel cos I now feel like I might need extra support during this pregnancy.

RMC123 you are absolutely right, I've already been thinking about finding a local course. I probably won't sleep again tonight so it'll give me something to focus on having a look online.

X

I worry about this all the time. My nephew has suffered from febrile convulsions and I was just thinking today I wouldn't know what to do if dd had one. we live in a hot country, I'm 14 weeks pregnant and dd is 2.7. I have these sort of 'awake nightmares' if she has a close call, like swallowing water in the pool or choking a bit. It's the worst thing. You are amazing and will provide brilliantly for your baby. Have faith that you can do it. Def speak to midwife too.

Hi was just looking over old threads on mumsnet regarding febrile convulsions. I was really interested in your thread as your worry is similar to mine. Me and my partner was out walking with our 1 year old granddaughter in the countryside. We kept checking on her to see if she had gone to sleep. When I checked on her the last time her eyes had rolled back and her body was twitching. We got her out of the pushchair as she started to turn blue. We had no phones so I ran to the nearest houses to get help. We had no idea what was happening just that we thought she was dying and we had no idea why. She turned from blue to grey. We ran in the middle of the road and stopped a car to take us to hospital. That was the first of 4 fits.
I was wondering how over time you have come to cope with the worry you had in the beginning. It has so affected how we are with our granddaughter. We watch her every second. Truth be told I don’t want to do all the lovely things with her because I’m so scared. I’d rather somebody else had her. I’m so anxious around her. I see her differently and just think I’m too scared to have her. I know all the advice they give you but it makes no difference to my worry. I’m just too scared of her now.

You haven't failed her. I agree with the CPR/first aid course. For confidence as well as skills. We have to do them for work. 4 hours every 2 years with a 2 hour refresh in between. I just did my refresh and at 19 weeks pregnant it took on a whole new meaning for me and I'm feeling more confident about potential crises.