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Due date/wedding clash!

26 replies

1stbabyjoy · 10/03/2017 12:28

I'm in my second trimester and this is our first baby! Very excited. The only worry is that our due date has been bought forward and is on the day of my brother's wedding! Firstly I am worried that my Brother and particularly SIL to-be may react badly when they hear this, and also I am already feeling I won't want to go to the wedding and take the risks. My mum had all her children early, so it makes me nervous particularly as I live next to an excellent maternity hospital. The wedding is 2 hours drive away (traffic dependent) on a Saturday by the sea this summer. I know it is a little early to start worrying but (a) any tips on breaking awkward news but not letting it spoil the joy of our baby news and (b) would you go to the wedding?

Thank you for any advice...

OP posts:
Waitingonasmile · 10/03/2017 12:31

I would 100% not go to wedding. Any reasonable person would completely understand why you can't make it. I would tell them now and give them time to accept it. It's not in any way anything you should feel bad/worried about.

INeedNewShoes · 10/03/2017 12:35

Gosh - tricky situation!

on (b) FWIW, I'm 31 weeks pregnant. My pregnancy has not been terribly straightforward and I am consultant-led. Although I'm sure that any hospital would do the job if I went into labour away from home, I have confidence in my local hospital having spent a bit of time there and met a lot of the staff! From now until 36 weeks the furthest I will go from home is 2 hours away (work). After that I don't intend to go outside my local area at all really as I just want to know that I can get to my trusted hospital when labour starts.

Also, if there were complications and I or the baby had to stay in hospital for a week or so, it would make life so much easier to be nearer home (people could bring things in for me; my parents could stay at my house and visit etc.)

Having said all that, I think I'm more nervous than most because my pregnancy hasn't been straightforward so it makes me want the reassurance of being close to my hospital.

Presumably there is a hospital near the wedding? That would make a difference.

Nearer the time you'll have more information to help you with your decision. For example if your baby is breech your hospital's policy may well be to do a CS at 39 weeks, so the decision would be taken out of your hands.

Slothlikesundays · 10/03/2017 12:35

We had this. We agreed that if we could, we would make it but said please don't count us in the numbers for food as we didn't want our relatives to fork out or not invite others when we might have to miss.
As it turned out I was still pregnant. Dp and I went to the church, we then went for a meal by ourselves then I went home and he went to the evening do but just had one drink in case he needed to get me to hospital.

Slothlikesundays · 10/03/2017 12:36

Somehow missed that it was two hours away! Yeah I'd miss that wedding.

SuperUnicorn · 10/03/2017 12:53

As it is two hours away I would say no. Just down the road would be different. I assume they already know you are pregnant and that your due date was close to their wedding anyway so they may already have an idea that you wouldn't be able to make it?

I would be ok with giving birth in somewhere that wasn't my local hospital but what I wouldn't be ok with is if there were complications and we were then stuck there for a long time away from home so I think that has to be taken into account.

1stbabyjoy · 10/03/2017 17:47

Thank you for all your advice. Much appreciated! I'll see how things pan out with our pregnancy but I feel reassured I am not overreacting by thinking it might be a tall order to attend... Hopefully everyone will understand. Best wishes with your pregnancies. Smile

OP posts:
redjumper · 10/03/2017 18:02

No way would I go two hours from home on my due date, not for a wedding, funeral or anything. You need to be near home, relaxed and in your own surroundings ready to go into labour.
As for breaking the news you'll just have to say your new due date is the same day and so you obviously can't come and isn't it a shame etc. Even if you do give birth a week early it's unlikely you'll be fit to travel after a week, I couldn't walk properly for a week the first time and if it's a c section you might still be in hospital (not to mention a million and one things that could happen and mean you or baby are in hospital for a while afterwards).

mummabubs · 10/03/2017 20:29

I've got three weddings- 2 in late September and one 3 days after I'm due on 3rd October. We've already said we won't go to the one in October, like you it's a 2.5 hour drive for us so not going to risk it! Hope your brother is understanding xx

llemma · 10/03/2017 21:24

I could've written this except it's my BIL's wedding where my partner is best man. I decided early on there's no way i can go as wedding is in middle of nowhere. Was really worried about telling them but actually everyone was lovely and just excited about the baby. Hope telling them goes well, i'd just say you're really sorry not to be there and maybe arrange a wee celebration dinner or something a few months after the wee one is born. Hope it goes well xx

WantingBaby1 · 10/03/2017 21:27

Totally reasonable not to attend, they'll understand. It would be a lot for any heavily pregnant woman to do, especially so far from home and on her due date.

PotteringAlong · 10/03/2017 21:36

I'd go, but all 3 of mine were born at 42 weeks. Take the car seat, your notes and a hospital bag, work out where the nearest hospital is just in case and enjoy the day.

haveacupoftea · 11/03/2017 01:36

I'd see how it goes with a view to attending. Might be a bit precious to announce you wont be going and that's flat. You might go late or early, might have complications, might's too early to rule out going even just to the ceremony.

SaltedCaramelEverything · 12/03/2017 08:09

I agree about not ruling it out just yet - even just to help them deal with a no better.

I have a wedding coming up where baby will be so young if late.

At first, we said we wouldn't go as it would be too much. However we've thought about it a lot. The couple mean lots to us so we'd hate to miss it. Also don't want to miss out just for having a baby - people have babies all the time - and friends have said going with a newborn will be easier than older baby as they sleep so much! So we're going.

I know that's different to labour. But if u think you'll be early, then u might have a little one to take with you Smile

oliversmummy26 · 14/03/2017 11:41

I would tell them, and say that if you can go you will.

I went to a wedding the week before my due date and it was fine. I understand that it will be scary being 2 hours away from home, but due dates are complete guess work and babies will come when they're ready. In theory baby could come along at anytime, even if the wedding were 3 weeks before your due date, that's still technically full term and come come along then.

As a first baby, your labour is likely to be slow to start and you could just listen to your body, if you get any twinges, or pains you will more than likely have time to get to your hospital long before the baby arrives.

My hospital is an hour away from home (live out in the sticks and had a choice of two, both around an hour away) so I don't think 2 hours is such a huge deal to be honest.

Also, it sounds like you're worried they will blame you for being due on their wedding day, I'm sure they'll understand that this isn't something you planned!

Wishiwasmoiradingle2017 · 14/03/2017 11:46

As only 4%of babies arrive in the due date I would assume you are OK to attend!! Take your note 's just in case but enjoy your possible last event with a bump!!

passingthrough1 · 14/03/2017 14:36

Well there's a 50% chance you'll have had the baby and probably won't want to attend with a tiny newborn that may be a few days at most a week or two old. Then even if you haven't had the baby yet you could be in labour, having niggles and soon to be in labour .. or just really feeling not up to going.
I think you need to assume you won't be there.

LulusMiniEgg · 14/03/2017 17:15

I didn't go to a wedding but I went to my sister's house 2 hours away 2 days before my due date. It was 28th December and our xmas family get together with my parents, brother, sister & their partners.
Typically I went into labour!
But, spending the day with my family eating nice food, playing board games and relaxing meant that the early stages of labour went really smoothly. We left when the contractions really started to kick in and we're about 7 mins apart. By the time we got home they were 5 mins apart! It was actually a really nice way to spend the first hours of labour as my body was distracted and kept busy.
I would go! But then maybe I'm a bit crazy!

KatyBerry · 14/03/2017 17:17

I went to FIL's wedding two days before due date. I took my notes in the car - about 1 hr 45 drive?

Baby arrived 2 1/2 weeks later (almost as long as the marriage lasted)

1stbabyjoy · 16/03/2017 22:50

Thank you for all the advice. I think I will still feel apprehensive in June but good to hear all perspectives. I'll keep an open mind until closer to the time and see how things progress! Thank you so much! Smile

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kmini · 18/03/2017 08:19

Definitely don't say you will not go! This is obviously a special moment in their lives, so important to at least appear to have positive intentions of going when it such a close family member. When it's your 1st it's hard not to feel overwhelmed by all the unknowns of labour. I would have been the same.

1st babies are on average 7 days late. So whilst it's not ideal for you to travel 4 hours return it's probably doable.

You could just go to the ceremony and drinks reception if all goes well. Notify the local hospital and bring your notes.

SweepTheHalls · 18/03/2017 08:23

I would plan to go! Most babies do not arrive on their due date, and its nice to have something nice planned for the day do it isn't such a let down when baby doesn't arrive! I went dog racing an hour away. DS was 10 days late.

StewieGMum · 18/03/2017 08:33

It would be unreasonable for anyone to kick off if a heavily pregnant woman feels unable to attend a wedding several hours from home. You might feel more able to attend closer to your due date or you might not. It is entirely a personal choice due to the specific circumstances of your pregnancy. You may love being there or you may not. Be honest with them. People who love you will understand.

1stbabyjoy · 19/03/2017 19:12

Thank you! X

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badg3r · 19/03/2017 21:58

With hindsight I would plan to go in your situation. Your mum being early doesn't necessarily mean you will be - my mum didn't make it to 39 weeks with any of hers and my first was 9 days late, make of that what you will! Also, first labours are generally slow, and some people are over an hour from their local hospital anyway.
If you want to try to go, can you tentatively accept and decide around the day? If the baby was already here I would definitely NOT go though!!
Out of interest though, why has your due date been brought forward at this stage? And by how much?

FusionChefGeoff · 19/03/2017 22:07

I wouldn't go either - but you never know, my DS came 3 weeks early so we made it to my Grandparents' Diamond Wedding anniversary after all and it was a wonderful occasion to show him off Smile

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