Sharing a pregnancy with my sister-in-law

[19thJuly2017]

I know this post will receive mixed responses but please know that this is from someone who is not malicious but just wants some advice on dealing with feelings.

I am 28 and married my partner of 6 years in September. We then decided to try for a baby and were lucky enough to conceive very quickly. I am due mid July. My brother is 36 and has been engaged to his fiancé for a couple of years but they are yet to get married.

We announced our pregnancy at the beginning of January. Last night they announced their pregnancy, and they are due just 7 weeks after us. My parents are delighted for them because they were worried that my brother might have 'missed the boat' for having children.

I am pleased for them and they will be good parents, which I know is the main thing. I also appreciate that as the children grow older they will be great friends being so close in age.

However I can't help feeling like their news has made ours a little less special and that I will have less than 2 months of having 'the new baby', which doesn't feel like long for such a major life change! They live practically next door to my parents whereas we live about 45 minutes away, so naturally my parents are going to see more of their baby than they are mine. I know I shouldn't think this way, but I just can't help feeling like my special time has been overshadowed.

Anyone else been in this position?

I can kind of see what you mean, but as someone who would give anything for her DM to see her first grandchild (sadly my mum died almost 20 years ago), I'd have to say don't sweat the small stuff. You're all here to enjoy your beautiful babies, plural.

It sounds like the pregnancy hormones might be sending you a little irrational?

We have one cousin born 4 weeks before our eldest and one born 2 weeks before.

Bil and sil had a baby 3 months after our youngest.

Every baby is special relax and just enjoy being pregnant and those first few months.

I think what your feeling is pretty normal :) Vent away online and then be positive and joyful to your family. Objectively speaking, this really is a lovely thing for your whole family!

Vent away if you need to OP.

But, wow, what I would give to have your problem.

My DM died before I even met DH. My brother is gay, so I'll never be an Aunty. And besides, even if he wasn't, he lives on the other side of the world. My DF died when his only grandchildren were 6 and 5.

DH's brothers, likewise - other side of the world. Well, one of his SIL's mother died from Huntington's, so they made the choice never to have children.

Living relatively close by to both your parents and your sibling - and having the new cousins grow up near each other - and near age sounds pretty idyllic to me.

My mother was utterly delighted to have her first two grandchildren (DB's and mine) in the space of a few months, and then two more a couple of years later. My DB, DSIL, DH and I have all become closer to each other as a result of having children close in age.
However, I like to keep things fairly private so wouldn't have been sharing details of my pregnancy with the wider family anyway.

Unless her DM is useless she will probably defer to her family more. I live 10 mins from my inlaws and 4hrs from my parents and guess which ones are closer to me and my DD. Plus Sil who had a DS 6 months before me lives further away is their focus of attention thank god as they are batshit There is 8 months between the golden grandchild (GG) and my Dd.

Once those baby get to about 6 months you'll be delighted to have cousins so close in age.

It's natural to feel the way you do but it won't last. Congratulations.

Two of my cousins did this, first babies born 2 days apart, second 10 days apart. It was really lovely especially for their mum who was the last to become a grandparent out of her siblings and made it really special for everyone. My other cousin and I had our boys 10 days apart which was really special too (we're the only female cousins). I think you're overthinking this OP, and seeing the babies grow up so close together will be lovely

Thank you for all your replies, it's good to hear that some of you have felt the way Indi and it generally worked out for the good in the end. I certainly wouldn't want to let my current feelings reflect on their news, so this is a good place to vent my thoughts and help the me deal with it more positively when I'm around them.

Thank you xx

im in the same situation but couldn't feel more different! My brother and his girlfriend found out they were expecting when I was around 12 weeks (unplanned but v happy) and I am so excited for them! We get on we'll and have found it great to have a 'bump buddy' and someone that's happy to talk babies all day!

I'm so excited for the babies to be close and grow together, we live close by so it will be nice to be on maternity leave etc together.

Mum and dad a bit shell shocked going from no grandchildren to 2 in a couple of months! We are trying to get my sis on board for the hat trick ha 😂

I would say it totally depends on your relationship. It certainly didn't make me as sil bond but that might be for a different chat board. (And possibly some therapy for me!)
Good luck, try to remain positive, you're entering a world of comparisons and advice flying at you from all directions, just be careful about venting to family

I was in the same position but there is only three weeks between us. We'd been trying for 18 months she got pregnant while on the pill. I was a bit miffed and I had a few people say she'd stolen my thunder but after a day or so I just moved on. It is nice they are so close in age. Although there is a bit of competition with milestones which is just natural.