Missed appointment, Midwife unnanounced visit, Feeling like crap :(

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I was just sat in my front room and my midwife just turned up, completely unexpected and unannounced, and told me I had missed a sixteen-week appointment that I was apparently meant to have a few days before Christmas. I never had any letters about this appointment, And have had three appointments's since and no one has told me in any of these appointments that I've missed a sixteen-week appointment, I haven't had any phone calls or letters to say I've missed anything either.
Every appointment I've had since the missed sixteen weeks one have been scans and I've even had the detailed one to check everything's fine and it is. The baby and I are all completely healthy.

I have another 3 appointments in the next few weeks and now have to have ANOTHER one just to go to the doctors and talk about whatever the sixteen week one was about.

She told me, ''You need to get back on track with your appointments'' - which, as I said I have been to every appointment I've been given, And feel a little bit intimidated when she started going on about how they have to make sure the baby is all healthy and ok, Which again, I only had an appointment just over a week ago that confirmed everything was fine.
I am struggling a little with the feeling of not feeling in control of whats happening, I'm doing everything I can And still feel like its not good enough.

She also said that they are worrying because my local doctors haven't heard anything from me since my original 8 weeks appointment, but I haven't had any letters, I honestly didn't know I had to check in with my doctors If I'm having so many other appointments at my local hospital and another that I'll be having the baby at. two different hospitals because my local one doesn't have a proper maternity anymore

This is my first pregnancy and like I sad, I just feel like I'm not in control of anything, All my choices have been taken away, I'm struggling a little and feeling very overwhelmed with all the appointments and I don;t really know what to do with myself. I feel like everything I do is wrong or not good enough.

Does anyone have an advice? I don't know what advice I'm looking for.. maybe I'm just looking to hear some nice words from women who either feel the same or have felt the same way?

Oh, I don't know if its worth mentioning or not, But I can't contact my midwife as I don't know who it is. My midwife left for another job in January and I haven't been contacted or told in since appointments who my new one is. So I don't have anyone to contact. Just incase anyone suggestions calling my midwife and talking to her about what im feeling.

Thank you.

P.S; Please don't leave any negative comments, I'm just sharing my feelings among women who maybe have felt the same or even if they haven't, I'm not bashing, I'm not denying responsibility for anything, Just feeling a little overwhelmed and emotional at the moment. Thanks for reading.

I had my 16 week appointment this week and it was a total waste of everyone's time. They listened to the baby's heartbeat, asked if I was feeling alright (I am) and asked if I had any questions (I did and she couldn't answer them). I was in and out about 20 minutes after arriving at the clinic, which was a miracle given previous experience.

I also have never seen my GP about the pregnancy. I rang the receptionist when I found out and she told me to self-refer to a hospital, so I did. I don't have to go and see them until 24 weeks, which I am sure will be as useful as this week was.

I made my combined bloods and NT scan appointments when I was about 4 weeks (all in the diary and bloods exactly 7 days before scan). Then I got a phone call 6 days before my bloods appointment saying I'd missed my supposed appointment the day before. They did not hear the end of it!

Stand up for yourself! You are not in the wrong!

Your 16week appt is normally BP, urine, possibly FHR, blood results from booking, looking at Nuchal scan report and ensuring you have your anomaly scan booked, booking antenatal classes, questions and answers, understanding pattern of care, booking for anti d injection of appropriate. Your midwife wouldn't have known about a gender scan as that's nothing to do with the hospital, and scanning department probably wouldn't liaise with your midwife about you attending. If a midwife is unable to contact you they would go to your house.. this is common practice from a safeguarding perspective. Sorry you felt intimidated but from her side she hasn't seen or heard from you since 8weeks. In your notes you should have a pattern of care and so you should make sure you have all of your appts booked. Scans and GTT are not checking or doing the same as your midwife appts. Hopefully now you have booked another midwife appt

Congratulations on your pregnancy

I think there has just been a mix up with your consultant care (hospital) and community midwifery care (midwife/gp)

All pregnancies are supposed to follow the nice guidelines, in terms of midwifery care https://www.nice.org.uk/guidance/cg62/chapter/appendix-d-antenatal-appointments-schedule-and-content

I think they are roughly (in first pregnancy):

Booking Appt (which it sounds like you did with your midwife associated with your GP surgery) at which point your 12 weeks scan would be booked

16 weeks
25 weeks
28 weeks
31 weeks
34 weeks
36 weeks
38 weeks
40 weeks
41 weeks

In my area (and quite a few others) you are responsible for booking and attending these appts - I either book through my gp surgery or attending a drop in clinic in the correct week.

If you are under consultant led care (which I am also) you then have other appts that are arranged via the hospital and sent to you. At some points I have been attending appointments at least once a week,if not more!! It seems like overkill but at least I know I'm getting good care.

I think the reason you got a visit, is as pp stated it raises a red flag for things (AND, PND, Abuse) if you don't turn up to an appt - but it has all just been a misunderstanding so I really wouldn't worry, just ask your GP reception for details of the community midwife team and contact them directly to arrange appts

Sorry that was long!

Thank you, everyone, for your replies. I tried to book an appointment but was told they weren't free, So got an appointment for a few weeks time.

I would like to say though that again, Like I said before, This is my first pregnancy, If I'm not told I need to book my own doctors appointments with the GP or that I even have to keep checking in with them if I'm being checked out with the hospital, How am I meant to know? Which is something I will be saying to them directly? Aswell as why don't they have my correct mobile number when I know for a fact I gave it them and they clearly didn't save it. In that respect, Its not my fault they couldn't ring me if the doctor or receptionist didn't save it.

Though, Whether they could tell at my other appointments or not if I missed any, They have my address, They could have sent me a letter saying I missed my appointment however they waited over two months and then randomly turned up at my doorstep, Which is another thing I will be discussing with them. It might just be me, But I don't understand why it took them two months to notify me unless they overlooked it somehow.

I have looked through my pregnancy folder and there definitely isn't a list of dates that I need to book my own appointments written in there.

TBH, I can't see it from her point of view as it was just my doctor at my 8 weeks appointment, They have since changed my midwife anyway and I haven't met her yet, Its taken them two months to even notify me of a missed appointment and suddenly she turned up on my doorstep and makes me feel like i've done something wrong. I just think its very fair thats all.

But again, Thank yu for all the replies, You've made me see that this is clearly a mix up, Its not really my fault and I WILL be standing up for myself at my next appointment!

I don't understand why they have asked you to make another appointment to discuss things you missed in your 16 week one.... all they do is check urine and BP, they cant go back in time to 16 weeks and check it for then so why not just do this at your next midwife appointment?
I think your right to be upset, I would be too.
Try not to feel intimidated, I know your young and this is your first pregnancy but ultimately if you feel annoyed or upset by something you need to try and have the confidence to speak up.

When I was pregnant, I remember being a little confused because some appointments were automatically made for me (such as the scans) and I would get a letter telling me when and where it was.

Other appointments (such as the 16 week GP appointment) it was my responsibility to call up and make the appointment.

I was always worried I would miss out something important by not realising I was meant to schedule it myself.

There should be a list of all the appointments you need to have throughout pregnancy in your maternity note book they should have given you by now. If it doesn't already say in there whether you need to book/they'll book for you, perhaps you could get a medic to mark on there for you which ones they expect you to take charge of? That might help.

I agree it's a weird feeling- parts of pregnancy you're just left to get on with as if it's no big deal, and then other parts feel as though there's a huge amount of involvement and very serious. I never got my head round the difference!

Good luck

Re:16 weeks. The Gp does a physical check of the pregnant woman's heart, lungs and breathing.

Communication sounds very poor. My GP had nothing to do with my pregnancy beyond the receptionist me to fill out a self-referral to the midwife team when I called to tell them I was pregnant & ask what should happen next.

At my booking app't the midwife gave me a clear runway of the next few app't & what was centrally booked versus what I needed to do myself: I did have a different midwife each time due but they all checked I understood my pregnancy book & when/what the next app't would be.

Sounds like the MWs communication that day was poor & given they had managed to have the wrong number she's popped out either to catch-up or perhaps because she was in the area. You explained yourself & with it being a first pregnancy wouldn't know you had missed out

Can you book an appointment to see the GP explain what has happened and ask for advice on when you need to come in?

That sounds a huge amount of appointments! I had a complicated pregnancy and my appointments were:

10 weeks GP confirmation.
12 weeks scan
16 weeks midwife
20 weeks scan
25 weeks midwife
28 weeks midwife
30 weeks scan (because of complications)
31 weeks Early pregnancy unit
34 weeks midwife
Would have had 36,38,40,41 weeks but they induced her.

Hi, when I had first baby (7 years ago) they booked appointments for me but now I'm pregnant with second it's all changed and I have to book them. (Which I didn't realise at first.) Have to ring doctors and book in with midwife. Maybe make sure that at the end of every appointment they tell you when your next one is so you know when you need to go back?

It all seems very clear to me, having been through a similar mix up with changing midwives, that they think they haven't seen or heard from you, while you think you've done everything right by going to the hospital appointments. As pp have suggested, your main care is through midwives although in early pregnancy it seems like you are at the hospital quite a bit for scans etc.
My first pregnancy was complicated by being across two counties (gp in one, hospital I wanted to deliver in in another county, and my midwife unit was out of another 'community hospital' so a lot to get my head around) but we managed to keep the care joined up. You do need to be on top of it and I'm sorry that you felt got at but it seems you've missed the vital moment when someone should have told you HOW it all works. Some midwives can be a bit matronly and severe, but she might not have been aware that your MW had left/ changed and certainly wouldn't have known that you were expecting a letter to tell you you had missed an appointment.
Sorry if negative, but big systems like the nhs don't deal with mix ups very well. Letters are only really sent by hospital departments and gp surgeries will have different systems for appointments and bookings. The nhs runs on strict guidelines and caters for millions of people. You must be more forthright, they lost my notes at one point and short of me shouting 'data breach' and going to the daily mail I certainly let rip about it not being ok.
Good luck and well done for seeking advice on here.