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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Devastation.

40 replies

user1487704782 · 21/02/2017 19:28

I've just made this account to ask others opinions. Im not sure if I am over reacting or not. I was pregnant with a baby girl, my first child and I was keeping the name a surprise. I told one person my brothers girlfriend because were close and I wanted opinions on her name. I don't believe this name is very common "Liliana-Rose". I miscarried and my brothers girlfriend turns out to be pregnant and she's came out with the name for her baby girl and it's "Liliana-Rose" she's even asked me to be god mother. I am actually really upset after loosing my little girl and then they have the same name as me. I feel like I can't talk to anyone about it.

OP posts:

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skinnyamericano · 21/02/2017 21:24

I'm so sorry about your baby girl.

The exact same thing happened to a friend of mine and it has destroyed the family relationships - in fact they have never spoken since (8 years ago).

I'm clumsily trying to say your reaction is perfectly valid and other people would feel the same way.

I think PPs have had some lovely ideas about honouring your baby's name.

rollonthesummer · 21/02/2017 21:28

That is just nasty-what a cow.

Bobowhite · 21/02/2017 21:29

What an utterly awful thing to do. I'm sorry for your loss OP, dealing with this on top of the grief must be heartbreaking.
I agree with the PP who suggested the memorial using the name for your baby girl, and going by your posts I expect you'd have the full support of your family behind you in doing so.
What a heartless cow!

DirtyDancing · 21/02/2017 21:30

First of all, this is shocking. As someone who has had an early miscarriage, I'm devastated for you.

Can I ask, do you feel the daughter you lost was Lilliana-Rose, or would you use it for another baby in the future?

If it's the first one, then I feel you have already claimed that name. The daughter you lost has this name- own it. Can you put a scan picture in a frame with this name underneath for you and your parents.

If it's he later then you should seriously consider using it still, in the future should you have a baby girl. It's unconventional, but it's in your heart.

I would also pretty much distance myself from your SIL. Don't show her anymore how upset you are. Your brother needs to deal with her. I had an upsetting issue with my SIL 2 years ago and to me, she is there. She is part of the family, and I am pleasant with her/ tolerant towards her, but our relationship is over. I don't confide in her and I don't like her.

DirtyDancing · 21/02/2017 21:31

I meant it's unconventional to have two cousins with the same name.. not the name!!just wanted to clarify!

m0therofdragons · 21/02/2017 21:40

That's beyond appalling. We've had two children die young in our family (my sister and my cousin) so I knew I would never use their names. One was Katy and my dd3 is Kitty and it's that on her birth certificate as I didn't want to risk naming her Catherine and her ending up Katy.

I'm so sorry you lost your Liliana-Rose. I would have to shorten the name of your niece to Lily or Rose, or just call her Bob "because it suits her". Actually I'd probably use a different name every time I saw her (while she's tiny) just to annoy her mum. Like "hello Gertrude" "oooh Barbara haven't you grown" etc, but I can be a bitch when pushed.

Guitargirl · 21/02/2017 21:46

She sounds absolutely unhinged.

Why on earth would anyone want to give their daughter a name which is going to cause such obvious pain and distress to a close family member?

Hopefully your brother will be able to talk sense into her.

MusicToMyEars800 · 21/02/2017 21:53

that is just awful, and I am so sorry you had to go through the pain, loss and heartache of losing a baby. I think if she has chose that name in some sort of honour for your baby then she should have spoke honestly to you about it, so my view is that it is thoughtless and rather heartless of her to do such a thing. I hope she doesn't use that name, it will not be fair for you to have to relive the pain every time you see them.

stonecircle · 21/02/2017 21:54

Insanemummy -

Jealousy has nothing to do with it sweetheart. She is being incredibly cruel. I like the suggestion of framing a scan picture with the name underneath to make it clear that you have already claimed the name. And it is a beautiful name.

Original poster

user1487704782 · 22/02/2017 01:45

I think I am going to go ahead and get a little cute display made for my home. I will use the ultrasound pictures and the date I found I was pregnant and the date I realised I had lost her or the day I put her to rest. I'm not entirely sure yet.

I do like the idea of calling the baby a different name each time I see her evil but I do! "Aww gretel where's the wicked witch at?" God no but I'd love to evilly laughs.

Thank you for all the support and for making me realise I wasn't being irrational. And for the lady who asked I think your name was DancingDirty? I chose the name for my daughter and I've loved it since I was 13, I wouldn't use it for another daughter since I named little Liliana-Rose it I don't believe it would be right. But my little Liliana-Rose will hopefully some day have a sibling who will know about the little angel up in the sky when the time is right.

OP posts:

MrsG2017 · 22/02/2017 04:25

Oh I am so sorry for you loss and just hearing your story has made me very sad for you.

I too would be devastated if someone did that to me. Like you say it's a very unique name and one that was special to you.

Maybe chat to her though and explain your feelings as she could be completely unaware and she may even have done it as a little tribute for you.

Lunalovepud · 22/02/2017 07:35

So sorry for your loss OP

I think you've had some great advice here - distance yourself as much as possible from your toxic SIL and let DB deal with her as much as he can.

I am a great believer in karma and I am sure her inner ugliness will come cackle around to kick her in the butt at some point - all you need to do is watch, wait and enjoy.

MrsG2017 · 22/02/2017 10:45

Sorry OP I commented before reading the full conversation please ignore my comments about talking to her.

I am so sorry for your loss and what you are having to go through

INeedNewShoes · 22/02/2017 10:49

This is just appalling.

Usually I think people are daft for feeling they have ownership over a name, but with something as specific as 'Liliana-Rose' there is no way this is a coincidence. What your brother's girlfriend has done is absolutely horrid.

Sorry for your loss.

UnbornMortificado · 22/02/2017 10:54

That is fucking horrible.

I know what it's like to lose a child later in pregnancy, me and SIL ended up having a conversation because my son that I lost was named after my grandad. My SIL was pregnant just behind me and I knew if it was a boy my brother would want the same name.

I was ok with them using it but they wouldn't of dreamed of it if I hadn't said i felt ok with it. She was a girl in the end so it wasn't relevant.

She sounds vile, I think despite what pain you have been through (and it's horrendous I know that) you should pity her.

No one happy with their life would do such a wicked thing. Her DD's name will always be tainted and your SIL will always be judged badly because of it.

I'm very sorry you lost Liliana-Rose

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