Telling People

[emvy]

My OH is adamant that he doesn't want anyone to know until 12 weeks minimum, which I get, but my mum is a midwife. As things stand at the moment, I've no idea how pregnant I am because of irregular cycles and I know my mum could get me a scan straight away. In a moment of weakness, I told my mum and she indeed is arranging me a scan and it's definitely put my mind at ease a little. However, my OH is fuming. I feel so guilty for letting it slip and feel terrible that I've disappointed him, but he can't see it from my side at all, that it's important I have someone to speak to and my mum was the natural place I turned to. I guess I'm just looking for some thoughts on this. How were your OH's with telling others? How should I tackle the now very frosty relationship I've created with my DP?!

I would have had the argument upfront. He's not reasonable expecting you to keep totally shtum if it isn't what you want, but you were here reasonable going behind his back to tell your mum. Not just your baby.

Not sure he's quite caught up with the whole growing a human thing! I'm sure he thinks I'm playing on needing to puke every 5 minutes and falling asleep at random, ha. I'll be the first to admit I'm controlling, but yes, so is he...! It's such a wonderfully chilled relationship

In hindsight LaPharisienne, definitely should've discussed it more up front! Shame I can't rewind half a day...!

I think people are being a bit hard on him here, I certainly don't think you should tell him to 'fuck off'. Pregnancy is a weird thing to get your head around for some people, men and women, and some people prefer to take a bit of time to adjust. I didn't want to tell anyone until about 14-16 weeks in both my pregnancies, when I felt more comfortable with it, and DH respected my wishes. If he had sat me down and said it was really important for him to tell someone then I would have understood, but to be honest I would have reacted like your DH has if he had just gone and done it without speaking to me.

There's no point in him sulking now though, what's done is done. The lesson here is that there are loads of things in pregnancy/childbirth/child rearing that you won't agree on, but decisions should be properly discussed and compromise should be reached between you as a couple. That's just my view though!

Thank you mistermagpie that's a sound message and a very rounded view I would say! We have a lot to learn!

With my first pregnancy (it ended in a mmc in August) my husband didn't want to tell anyone until 12 weeks or the first scan until we were "sure" of being pregnant. Unfortunately for us the booking scan was at 8 weeks and we found out the baby had stopped growing 2 weeks earlier. Eventually he told me I needed to tell my mum because I was so scared of the Erpc and needed her support.

This time round hes realised how important it is for me mainly but for both of us to have some support no matter what the outcome.. We are only 5 or so weeks atm but told my parents yesterday after a scan on Friday.
I think for my husband originally he wanted to wait to 12 weeks because then we would be outside the "danger zone" but our experience of mmc in August showed us both just how important family support is no matter what.
Maybe when your husband calms down you can explain to him why you needed to tell your mum

Thank you Smurf123. I wish you all the best with your pregnancy. After a very tense conversation I established that that's exactly what he wanted - to be sure. And for all our parents to know at the same time. Unfortunately he's not yet ready to listen to my reasons for needing to speak to my mum. I guess I will get the chance in due course.

You absolutely should not feel guilty about telling your mum, I rang my mum the day I did the pregnancy test as I needed to talk to someone, your mum is naturally going to be the person you turn to, for me it always is if I'm having a crisis or just want my mum, she is your mum and for you your mum is a midwife, therefore expert in all things pregnancy related. Your OH does need to understand pregnant women need someone to turn to in confidence and talk to if you have any worries as pregnancy can be very worrying as your body goes through a ton of changes, pains, crying for no reason and sometimes you just need to be able to ring your mum to ask 'Is this normal?'

I would have driven myself crazy with worry and stress if I had not told my family and colleagues so early, I massively needed their emotional support as pregnancy for me has been pretty tough emotionally and physically up til the last couple of weeks and all those people were there for me no matter what happened.

I think your OH needs to try and see things from your perspective, I'm not sure how you can do that other than maybe use other ladies stories from here. Otherwise, for now give him time to cool off and when you go back to speak to him ask him to listen, tell him he's not allowed to speak until he's heard you out as to why you told your mum, and tell him he's not the one that's pregnant so he has no idea what you are going through.

We told our mothers when we found out. Siblings and extended families after the scan. I told my grandpa as we have had two miscarriages before and he has devastated both times. I wanted to tell him so if it happened again, he was prepared and understood.

I had to tell one of my managers at work as they kept sending me to a patient with shingles. Didn't make any difference, she kept appearing on my caseload!