Being told how to behave/feel about pregnancy

[LucyLucyLucy1]

Ugh Mother in Law rant ahead...!

My husband called me into the kitchen when I got home from work last night and said we need a chat, my mum has been in tears today. She had asked if there was something wrong with the baby (currently 19 wks pg) because I'm not 'excited' and always respond with 'I'm fine thanks' when asked how I am. My pregnancy so far has been fine - terrible sickness in the first 3 months but aside from that I AM ACTUALLY FINE. I've got the tiniest bump/lunch bloat so for me it's not really real and to be honest I don't like talking about it too much because I don't want to be defined by my pregnancy. I'm not a gushy person so it's not my style to be OTT about being pregnant. My MIL doesn't work at the moment so I feel like she has a lot of time on her hands to think about nothing (I know that's mean to say). She also projects whatever you tell her onto anyone else who will listen. At the weekend I had my husbands uncle say "I've heard you're finding it really tough" nope just bored of people asking if I'm excited. Over the last week or two I have been thinking about the baby and our future and of course it's exciting but stupid basic comments like this just set me back. How dare she dictate that I am not excited enough, what the hell does she want me to say?!? There is nothing to bloody say!! It's so backward in 2017 to tell another woman how they should behave and effectively bitch about it to whoever they can get to listen. I can't change who I am or how I feel and I think it's so wrong to suggest that's what I do. It makes me so angry. Am I being unreasonable? I just think it's out of order. I've got a lot going on at the mo - house being rebuilt/big charity event at the weekend i organised plus full time busy work. Any advice and thoughts much appreciated. My mum suggested I throw love at the situation and so have invited her to go for lunch on sat to get her involved and put on a fake soppy pregnant smile. I just wish she would be more understanding and not get upset because I don't fit in her box of how a pregnant woman should be! Not looking forward to Saturday 🙁

I know how you feel. I'm early stages. Feeling bloody exhausted and crap. So no. I'm not showing my excitement yet. Maybe when I stop feeling like I'm going to spew or stop being so goddam tired. But at present just leave me alone.

DH is seeing his nan today and I've said if she says anything then nip it in the bud and do not share with me. I imagine something will be said because of something that happened on Saturday...we had a big cake charity event at our house (we also have builders in but part of me loves a bit of chaos and everything was tidy for it- but still I was busy and had a lot on) his nan came in and patted me on my stomach. I'm afraid I am not comfortable with that, as someone who has always tried to cover that area even with a baby in there I don't want that space to be touched. So I patted her on the stomach. We've always had a playful jokey relationship so I thought she might take the hint. I think she took it the wrong way - she laughed but she called me a bitch - which really shocked me. I'm used to hearing the word bitch in a playful way but not in a genuine way. I think it was still sort of in jest but laced with "why can't you just let me pat your stomach and be the pregnant dream we want you to be". I'm sure a lot of you ladies will have been in this DONT TOUCH ME situation. Me and the nan usually get on really well, she is young at heart at 70 and usually understands when I'm a bit dry. I think they all came on Sat with an idea in their minds and because I was busy and didn't pander to them this has blown up with the mum. You would have thought MIL might have understood that I was busy on Sat seeing to the 60 people in my house, making them tea and sorting them out with drinks-literally running around for 5H so much so that my legs ached on Sunday and I didn't leave the sofa! But she still felt the need to tell DH that I was curt with her. Of course I was curt she didn't even bring any dirty tea cups into the kitchen, just sat there holding court with her friends. I'd love to have sat on my arse chatting but unfortunately as the host I had things to do!!

DH knows that her thought process has spun out of control but doesn't want to see her upset so I do understand why he told me. I don't want her upset, it upsets me! When I text her about lunch she said oh sweetheart I was just worried about you. Yeah right!! Get a grip and realise that not everyone is a sap.

I love the idea of getting her to knit something but I don't think she does. I'll have a think of a way to get her involved but I do have to be slightly careful. If I give her an inch she will take a mile. Anything I say is amplified to her group of cronies and family. Apparently I'm struggling and have bought loads of stuff for the baby....nope I'm still fine and haven't had a chance to buy a single thing for the babe. Also I don't want to yet, it's too early! I know these are silly things but it's so pathetic, my mum wouldn't do this.

Also I have to say for those in first trimester the sickness will pass (hopefully) I found that time so lonely and depressing. Nobody knows you're preg and you feel so bad and there is nothing you can do. That's why forums like this are so therapeutic. Thank you for all your advice/fellow rants xx

Lucy I'd go ballistic if anyone touched my stomach! How rude!

If MIL doesn't knit could she do patchwork? Or maybe create a family memory book with photos and a family tree? Just anything to keep her occupied/brag about to her mates to leave you alone.

I have the opposite problem really, my MIL 'hates' babies as when her children have babies they're too busy to call her luckily my parents are excited but aren't being too OTT.

Oh lucy I feel for you. She sounds awfully manipulating and quite convinced she is right about everything in life. I have a similar difficulty with my mother: she's not manipulative she just simply believes she is right about everything and everyone needs to take her advice. 🙄 One of her favourite things to go on about is how unhappy I am (I'm not, I'm actually very happy), but because I'm an adult so I have my own opinions which often oppose hers and I'm also a bit tired from two children who are rubbish sleepers so my threshold for BS is low, she has decided that I am desperately unhappy. I'm also about a stone overweight (lack of exercise and a loving relationship with good wine and tasty food) and it drives her crazy that I would allow myself to "drag around all that extra FAT" (I think she feels it's a bad reflection on her) so obviously I have mental health problems as well. It's sad because it has really affected our relationship. Some people will never change. I would say that if your husband is so sympathetic to his mother, then he is well indoctrinated. Stay strong. Ignore them. And remember that YOU are the parent and that baby is yours. What you say is final. Because it might get worse after the baby arrives... 😝

Your MiL is being a dick as is their wont. I'm 36 weeks and not excited, once I've got the nasty business of giving birth out the way and holding baby then I will be excited. However you feel is fine and you dont need to justify yourself to anyone.

Your hubby is somewhat caught in the middle but now is the time for him to show he's got your back. Unfortunately you have years of this sort of thing to come. Just try and let it go, as the song goes.