Feeling miserable

[Lemondrop09]

Hi, I'm new here. You seem like a friendly bunch and I just need to vent.

I came off depo over a year ago and we've been trying for a baby ever since. Last week I found out I was pregnant, and obviously we're delighted. But I'm really struggling already.

I'm 6 weeks today. Firstly, it feels "too good you've true" and I'm constantly worrying about miscarrying. I know stress is bad, I know it's irrational and I know if I'm going to miscarry, there's nothing I can do. But I'm struggling to be happy and scared to make plans as I'm so worried.

Next, and bigger, sickness struck me like a freight train last Friday. I've felt nauseous 24/7 ever since. Literally from the moment I wake until I go to sleep. I've cancelled all social engagements for the rest of the month. All I do I try to work and crawl to bed when I get home. And it seems to be getting worse, I've already thrown up three times today. I saw the Dr on Monday who gave me 10 days of cyclozine, but I'm scared to take it so early in the pregnancy. I know many women have it worse but it's debilitating. Every day feels like it lasts 100 hours. I can't believe it's not even been a full week, I don't know how I'll last the first trimester. I've tried all the basic stuff (ginger, crackers, lemonade, sea bands) but nothing is helping and my appetite is just decreasing. And the fatigue is unreal.

I don't know how I'm going to work. I spent all weekend in bed. WAH Monday. No idea how I managed to get into the office on Tues. Couldn't get in today, supposed to be WAH right now but I've crawled back to bed :(

What's making it worse is that my workplace is going through a formal confirmation starting in March and redundancies are very likely. I'm so worried I'll lose my job before I qualify for my maternity pay.

On top of that, I started a secondment in January. Only 5 weeks in to it and I'm hit by this sickness. I feel so bad, and again worried that I haven't had enough time to prove I can do my job. How can I expect them to be sympathetic when I've only been there 5 weeks? I'll be an inconvenience.

I didn't want to tell anyone, it's so early, and I didn't want to give my workplace any ammo to push me out with. But I'm so sick and struggling so much, I'll have to tell me new manager. I don't know how she'll react.

I want to be enjoying this pregnancy, but it all feels like it's caving in on me right now :(

I caved and took a pill :( I can't function with the way things are.

Am waiting for my boss to call me and I'm going to tell her I'm pregnant. God knows how that will go down

I've been on cyclizine for the past three weeks - it's done wonders for me. Doesn't take away all the nausea but it lets me function again. For a while I was doing nothing but going to work and coming home. Recently I've been able to go to Tesco to shop (exciting I know!) and out for a few walks. These pills are really safe nowadays and there have been plenty of studies to prove it.
I felt that the miniscule potential risk was far better than the risks of me lying on the sofa for weeks on end, not getting any exercise. Plus the effects on mental health of barely getting out and not socialising.
I hope they work for you too!

Hi Lemondrop09, just wanted to send some warm wishes and empathy your way. Whilst I can't say my experience is 100% the same as yours I share some similarities- I'm also 6 weeks pregnant and whilst (touch wood) other than a couple of random intense nausea feelings I guess what I'm noticing more is just feeling utterly drained and a bit lower in mood than usual. I have a one hour commute each way to work so I'm scared I'll end up being sick in the car- that and if I do go to work and become ill I have no choice other than to spend an hour driving myself home.

Like you I also worry about miscarrying at this early stage, I think that's completely understandable, especially for us first time mums-to-be! My GP certainly didn't help reduce my anxieties re this (although thankfully I've had to change GPs this week to access midwives closer to my home, phew!)

I also told my boss today that I'm pregnant, even though I know it's early. I work with individuals who can display challenging behaviour so from a safety perspective I felt she needed to know so that she understands why I might need to adapt my role. That... and she outright asked me today if I am pregnant as she's noticed I'm completely scatty of late(!) Hopefully your boss will be understanding, and bear in mind they legally can't dismiss you due to pregnancy so that's on your side. Good luck whenever you decide to tell them and best wishes for your pregnancy. xx

Thank you both for your replies, it's nice to have a little reassurance and shared experience too!

Nina, great to hear the cyclizine is helping you. I've done some searching online and I'm less worried about the risks now. Honestly, I was so disfunctional today that continuing like this just didn't feel like an option. I think the one pill I took helped take the edge off slightly. I'm going to take the full dose tomorrow and see how it goes. I simply must get some work done, and I couldn't do it today. My husband is hooking up computer so I can work from bed tomorrow! Seems crazy but I think it will help that I can snatch little breaks without worrying about missing something important.

Mummabubs, I hope your new GP is more supportive!! Great that your boss is being so good about it. I hope your sickness doesn't increase any more. The fatigue really is something else, isn't it? I've never experienced anything like it.

Well after a terrible day, I've felt slightly better this evening and even managed to eat some food. I also spoke to my new boss, who thankfully was very supportive. She told me not to worry about anything and to focus on getting through the sickness. She said I can WAH as much as I need to, which is a huge relief. My 1:1 is scheduled in two weeks time so she said to see how it goes until then, and we'll have a good chat about the rest then. She also seem horrified when I said I was scared to tell my original workplace I was pregnant in case it gets used against me for redundancy. So talking to her has made me feel better.

Fingers crossed the sickness isn't too bad tomorrow, or at least that the pills work.

Just sending you good wishes OP. I'm 9+6. It gets better. All these horrible symptoms are very clear evidence that you are very pregnant and your body is adjusting as it needs.

Honestly, eat whatever you can keep down (I was on toasted sarnies and custard until recently), one day at a time, and sleep loads and loads.

Awww so glad your talk with new boss went well! That's definitely one less thing to worry about! Xx

It does really help when your work support you. Mine know I'm still struggling first thing in the morning so nothing is said when I'm a bit late (well this morning I was greeted with 'hey sicky' but it was in good humour ).