problem at dating scan

[Lostmyemailaddress]

I'm sorry if this isn't in the right place and if it's a bit jumbled but I'm trying to get my head around this.

1 had my dating scan yesterday they moved my due date saying I was a bit further along as baby is big for my lmp I know I can't have conceived earlier then that as I hadn't slept with anyone. So really baby is big. I opted in for combined screening as I'm 35 but this is not my first pregnancy. Everything was going really well until she measured the nuchal fluid at the back of baby's head and neck. Baby is outside the normal range of 3.5mm and is 3.7mm. I have had a blood test and getting the results Wednesday and have been told I will need more scans until 30 weeks and they want me to have an amniocentesis.
Baby's dad says I have to have it and I'm not allowed to talk to anyone about this yet.
I'm scared and feel really alone, I know I am not the first person to go through this but I have so many questions going through my head. He has made it clear of anything comes up he wants me to have a termination but he hasn't said the actual words but says things like we have enough going on at the moment but I don't want to think of things like that yet.
I'm scared of the amniocentesis as I bled badly at the start of this pregnancy to the point they thought I had lost the baby and I have had a previous mc and in my previous pregnancy I lost 1 twin. I don't know if this means there's a bigger risk of mc with having an amniocentesis now.

I know at the moment nothing is for definite but I also know what it could possibly mean for us as a family and the baby and trying to prepare for that but baby's dad and the midwife all seem to be focusing on the the worst case and I need to know there is some hope that things could be ok.
I'm sorry if this doesn't make sense I'm trying really hard not to cry and keep things together for my other dcs they don't know about the fluid but know about the pregnancy as it was hard to keep from them due to the big bump and how sick and tired I have been for past few weeks.

I have no advice but you sound incredibly strong, you may not think you are but you seem very clear sighted. When is harmony?

Thank you petal but I'm honestly not inside I just want to cry and hide away but I have other dcs and 1 with severe adhd and possible asd and my oldest dd has possible adhd. I'm only just keeping it together for them and the baby.
I'm going to speak to the midwife on Thursday and ask about the tests there then will ring and book the harmony test when I get home. I didn't want to book it without the blood results from after the scan and thought after I had spoken to her properly about the results I'd have more information for when I go to have the harmony test.

Hi when I was pregnant my scan and blood test results came back as 1 in 25. We opted not to have amnio or cvs test and just had extra scans which were offered. Baby was born without any abnormalities at all. During scans they thought they saw a hole in the heart but a scan at 6 weeks old confirmed it had closed/never existed. Like you I was keeping my baby whatever the outcome. Hope you are doing ok, it's overwhelming. Good luck.

That sounds sensible lost. I hope the appointment is helpful on Thursday x

Just wanted to offer you my best wishes

Thank you all it means a lot. I will let you know what happens Thursday

Thinking of you today OP

Thank you nothing new really happened but midwife messed up telling me edwards and plateau syndrome results I'm 1 in 22 not 1 in 25. We spoke about an amniocentesis and the harmony test.
My consultant is lovely and was really supportive agrees to my reasons for not wanting an amniocentesis but said with the harmony test it would only still give me a ratio and he wants me to have regular structure analysis scans. My first 1 is on the 6th Feb. If none of the scans show anything and the baby is born with no obvious signs of any problems they will take a sample of the baby's blood just to check to be on the safe side.
My consultant says he will be keeping an eye on all my scans and we spoke about my oldest dc who was born with no dip in the back of his neck, it didn't really develop until he was about 15 months old. The consultant says we could have the same result this time.

Glad you've got a plan. When will you have the harmony?

I am gonna have to wait a couple of weeks to book it now after what the consultant said about it baby's dad says he doesn't think it will be worth the money so says he won't help pay for any part of it where as before he was going to pay for half and take me there and back.
Once I have all the money will book it then.

Crossing my fingers for you, what a stressful time you're having

Just a quick update had structure scan today and everything seemed to go well. They are happy with how baby is progressing so far and they can't see any abnormalities and I was told to take that as a positive sign but we still won't know for certain until baby is here.
They had a little look to see if they could see if the baby is a boy or a girl and was told no boys bits can be found but we will be able to see clearer at the 20 week scan.
I'm starting to relax a bit more now so hopefully by the next scan I will feel relaxed enough to start getting things in and ready.

That sounds positive, I'm really pleased for you. I hope it all continues to go well.