Heartbroken over having to abort my baby

[Elliechar]

I'm 18 and would not be able to financially support the child easily, nor would I be able to finish my decree, so have decided to have an abortion. But I am so attached to it already, I tried not to get attached but I am and am now heartbroken that I have to go through with this.i will be about 3 months when I have the abortion, and I am scared that the baby will feel pain and I feel cruel, I just don't know if I can go though with killing it, I feel like I will be crying all the up until they put me to sleep. I can't really talk about it without getting upset and crying and I keep having nightmares about getting rid of it, I think if I do go through with this which I'm sure I have to, it will really emotionally scar me.

Some help/advice or support would be appreciated, or some reassurance

Thank you
Ellie

Hi Ellie,

I was exactly your age when the same thing happened to me (now almost 28). I was on the pill, and I fell pregnant and it was all right before my college exams. I was frantic, and devastated and I too cried and cried and cried. Despite having no desire immediately beforehand to have a child, my body just pushed the urge to protect it at all costs. Going against that feeling was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do, I was emotionally scarred and it took me a very, very long time to get over the gravity of my choice. Just know that whatever decision you make, it is yours and yours alone and there will be support for you whichever way you go. You will have to battle heart and head, and live with whatever outcome is to be, but you can get through it. If you need to talk, you just let me know.. I've walked in your shoes, I know that place. Xxxx

I'm very much pro choice but I just wanted to add that I fell pregnant with dd in my 2nd year of uni. I deferred but never finished my degree and really don't mind. Life throws all kinds at you over the years and often things don't go to plan but in a funny way turn out for the best.
Take care of yourself

I had my DS at 17. I was in college at the time, not the same as uni I know, and managed to finish my education with good results. There is lots of support out there for young mums who are trying to stay in education after having a baby. You really don't sound sure that you are able to go through with an abortion, and for that reason you should not be going through with it. You can't take back having an abortion and will have to live with the "what ifs" for years to come. You really do need to see all of your options before assuming you won't be able to go through with your degree if you have the baby.

Being a young mum is so hard, I won't lie to you, but it is the best and most rewarding job you can do

Honey you're going to regret this for the rest of your life. Give your baby a chance. You're in your health prime and your eggs are at their best quality at your age. You'll be a great mum.

Most unis have very good support for pregnant women - there are a few at my uni and they go out if their way to help them. Please don't do this because you feel you have to. It is entirely possible to do both. Hope you're ok xx

Do you want a baby? Do you want to do all the things that a baby and then a child needs? Will you be happy to be a parent, especially in the situation you will be in? Not just for uni time, but for the next two decades?

Every child deserves to be wanted and not resented. That is the decision.

I wish you the best in whatever you decide.

I fell pregnant with my son just before the end of my first year at uni. I was nearly 19 and also working part time. I deferred my year but never went back, he's 5 now and I haven't regretted it. I also have gone
on to have another son and do plan to go back into education in the future.

Having my children didn't stop my life, it's just taken me on a different path towards my future and I know I will eventually get to where I want to be.

I hope you make the right decision for yourself and wish you all the best

There are lots of options available.

It sounds like you don't actually want to abort as you are saying you are attached and you're worried etc - in which case maybe you would be making a mistake? You'd have to live with that decision for the rest of your life and it sounds like you may look back and regret it.

Many people have found themselves in your situation - with deferring or continuing with studies etc etc - please don't make a decision to do this if you don't want to because you feel you have no choice because there are options!

Only make this decision if you are 100% sure it's right. You can't reverse this - but you can reverse a temporary break in studies to ensure you still get degree to support your child in future etc

If something doesn't feel right, then it is not right.

Keep the baby if you want to. Nothing is impossible . Have you someone to talk to?

I was at uni with a baby. You used to be able to get child care support and none repayable parent grants through the student bursary. Not sure if it exists now but child tax credits do and child benefit.

There also used to be a grant in maternity for many equipment but again it is a long time since I applied.

There is help out there and you sound so conflicted. If you aren't sure please go to student services and an abortion counselor.

I was 18 too and in college. I kept my baby and she's nearly 8 now. You will never regret keeping your baby , everything will work out