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freaking out about partner not being around for birth

7 replies

nomers88 · 12/01/2017 09:32

hello! I'm only a few weeks pregnant with my second , it came a bit earlier than we would have planned, we're really happy about it . But here's the issue; my partner is a wedding photographer (meaning he can't leave once he's started) and has weddings booked right before and after my due date and its making me feel pretty anxious.

I have a friend who said she'd come with me if he wasn't around ( she doesn't drive but i think it'll be ok to go in a taxi) but I'm just feeling anxious as my only local family is my mum who will be looking after our two year old (she doesn't have a car either) and most of my other local friends have their own small children and aren't close enough that I would want them to witness my labour and all that it might entail ( I was pretty much naked for the whole labour last time!).

The logical side of my brain is telling me it will be fine and everything will work out and it's not the end of the world if I have to go it alone but my illogical,panicky ,pregnant side is making me worry about all sorts of things like not getting to hospital in time if I have to wait for a taxi ( 1st birth was fairly quick ) , or my friend not being able to come with me, coming home from the hospital alone (for some reason this makes me anxious the most), worrying if there was complications.I understand that often people are in much worse situations and that I'm lucky he's not working abroad but the lack of family and people who drive etc around me worries me. I'm usually a very reasonable person but I'm feeling pretty overwhelmed and I guess I'm looking for some reassurance ( nothing too harsh please!)

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Laura05 · 12/01/2017 09:58

I gave birth without dh last time (pg2) but it was only because it all happened so quick! I had my first twinge at 2.20pm and DS was here at 4.23pm! It was an ambulance job and unfortunately neither if our mums made it to the house to watch DD before I left in the ambulance. By the time I got to the hospital it was two pushes and there DS was so hubby didn't make it. To be honest I have really easy labours and the fact it was my second meant I was as freaked out as I would've been if it was my first. It all happened so quick and even though there was a slight panic when we realised I had to go to hospital alone (well apart from two male paramedics who had no interest in me what so ever!) I was that wrapped up and focused on labour that I don't think I would've noticed if dh had been there.

Hopefully you'll friend will be with you for the support but it really isn't a massive thing (in my opinion) if you have to do it alone.

Good luck with your pregnancy! Flowers

nomers88 · 12/01/2017 10:03

thanks Laura! thats good to hear :-) my first labour wasn't super duper quick but wasn't too long or traumatic and fingers crossed it'll happen when he's around as I liked him being there last time . But like you said it wont be awful if i'm on my own!

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Laura05 · 12/01/2017 10:18

The first time round I had my dh and mum as wasn't sure how he'd react but both just sat bored as it was an easy labour. Midwife had to double check I was actually at 9cm as I was blethering away like I was at a coffee morning Grin

nomers88 · 12/01/2017 10:42

hahaha! Hopefully I'll channel some of your calm ( I think i was a bit more swear-y than that) . Just a little update :my sister ( who lives a couple of hours away) said she'll come and stay on those weekends when my partners working away, which is amazing! Phew, what is it about pregnancy hormones that make you go a bit strange?!

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manhowdy · 12/01/2017 10:58

My DP travels quite far each day for work so I may find myself going in alone, depending on how quick things happen. We really don't want him to start paternity leave until she's actually here.

I drove myself to hospital last time no problem (maybe a bit naughty but it's only 5 mins away), and this time will do the same. If the pain is too much I will ask one of my neighbours.

To be honest, during my last labour I barely noticed his existence during the birth I was so focused. It was lovely to have him there in the immediate aftermath though, so I hope he makes it in time, for him and his new baby rather than me. As long as I have a midwife or two with me I will be happy!

Purplebluebird · 12/01/2017 11:14

I did give birth with my other half present, but to be quite honest I didn't need him. I was concentrating really hard on breathing, and when I got to the pushing stage, I couldn't focus on anything else. It was good he was there, don't get me wrong! But I could've coped without too.

nomers88 · 12/01/2017 11:56

yes totally agree that once you get into the nitty gritty of labour you're so focussed you don't really pay attention to whose there, its the silly things i'm worried about like getting to the hospital and also having to leave the hospital on my own ( I had fairly bad injuries so could barely walk after last time so everything was a bit of a struggle). It's difficult because if you're booked to do a wedding you can't leave suddenly or cancel as its someones wedding! But just found out luckily my sister is going to be around just in case it all kicks off/ or has just kicked off!

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