Lost

[MissG93]

Hi Ladies,

Congratulations to all of you expectant mummies out there!

Sorry to put a downer on New Year's spirits and all but I recently found out that I miscarried at 7 weeks and I'm not sure how to feel about it. I've tried researching it as I can't pinpoint all the emotions that I am feeling right now and all I can find are articles stating that it's normal for 1 in 4 pregnancies to miscarry. Right now, this is just a meaningless statistic to me. It may sound dramatic but it feels as though I'm grieving for what could have been and I'm struggling to talk to my friends as none of them have experienced this. Although it's awfully personal to people, I was wondering whether the majority of you had felt like this after suffering? I'm absolutely exhausted and spending my nights awake because my thoughts are constantly whirring around my head. From what I've read, it seems like this subject is a bit taboo and women feel like they can't speak about it to people. I was wondering if this is a natural reaction?

So sorry for your loss OP. Everything you describe is totally understandable and quite normal. I've got a history of recurrent miscarriage, and have been through all of what you are describing. It can be so isolating as it really does feel like a taboo subject still, and people are quite scared to talk about it and ask how you are....I think genuinely a lot of people don't know what to say so say nothing. And quite often I found people thought it was something you got over quickly, and after a couple of weeks expect you to be back to 'normal' when actually it can take weeks and months to come to terms with what's happened. It's much like grieving for someone who died, and you go through all the same emotions. Allow yourself time and space to work through it in your own time and dnt put pressure on yourself or think you 'should' be feeling a certain way. I found it really helped to speak to people who had been through it as well, there are some amazing talk threads and forums over on the body and soul page....link below. It's all so raw at the moment op, but it will get better I promise. Thinking of you and wishing u better x

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/miscarriage

Ah, love. That sounds completely completely normal. I had two miscarriages, 1 at 8 weeks, 1 at 7 weeks. I felt very much like you do, plus terrified that it meant I'd never have a baby. It was awful. I've now got two kids, though - it's really common to have one or two miscarriages for no real reason. By that I mean, it's not because there's anything wrong with you. So don't panic. Let yourself grieve, but do try to remember that this isn't the end, you almost certainly can have a baby later if you want to. I found out that a girl I worked with had had one between my two and it really helped both of us to talk about it. If you can't find anyone in real life who's had one, then online can really help too. I felt so alone when I had mine.
Anyway. Hugs to you. You'll get through this. Be gentle with yourself.

Hopefully someone helpful will be along soon, but I just wanted to say that the feelings you describe sound perfectly natural to me. Can you talk to some older women about this: your Mam/Auntie etc? As you say it seems like a taboo subject, but if you can talk about it, often other women have been through the same thing and will start to open up.

I think people don't know what to say and don't know whether you want to talk about it so don't mention it unless you do. It can make you feel very lonely.

I had a missed miscarriage at 12 weeks. We found out at the 12 week scan. I felt very confused with all the emotions I was going through. Everyone processes it and grieves differently. I found I actually 'got over' the miscarriage quite quickly but was stressed and anxious that I would never have a baby for a long time after. I felt guilty that I didn't really feel anything for the baby I lost too.

It used to be the case that people didn't 'bank on' the pregnancy until later, because of the high risk in the early stages. We were conditioned to say we were late, we 'might be' pregnant, 'hoped we were, but it's early days'. You didn't used to tell anyone. Didn't even take a test until you were very late.
That made it easier, I think, because it was a hope not an expectation.

I know it's no comfort to you, and I don't think it does us any favours these days to get excited early on.