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Original poster

newly pregnant for first time - help re: MIL

34 replies

user1482955082 · 28/12/2016 20:10

Hello..

I'm new to this! I have recently found out I am pregnant after ttc for 6 months! Hubby and I are so overjoyed and excited. I haven't had my first scan or anything yet I think I am around 6 weeks pregnant judging by last period etc. I found out 4 days ago and hubby has broke the news to his mum.

Hubbys mum has now bought a load of items for the baby such as bottles, a cot, ordered a pram and clothes. I am absolutely furious and so is my hubby - she didn't ask us if we wanted this stuff or run past us what it looked like but told us I got you this, and this, you don't need to buy x and y but you need to do a and b as if its her baby? don't get me wrong - I am so appreciative she wanted to spend money on our baby etc however I AM ONLY 6 WEEKS GONE (IF EVEN) and I haven't had a scan yet, and her buying everything is really stressing me out. My hubby told her we'd prefer to wait at least until 12 weeks before we buy anything but she just doesn't seem to get it. It is really stressing me out. is she going to attempt to take control over my baby when it gets here? How can we get through to her? Like she just doesn't get that we want to be the parents and make the decisions and this is her chance to take a step back and be a grandparent?

I told her I wanted to breast feed and she went and bought formula and bottles? is this for real right now?!

Any advice welcome please :(

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Original poster
user1482955082 · 30/12/2016 17:06

hey all!!

Thanks for all of your input it is much appreciated!!

Hubby had a good talk with his mum and I think she is starting to see sense!!! He told her we are really pleased she's so excited but that we would really like to be involved in picking these things for our baby and we would also like to wait to we have a scan to see all is ok before we go crazy buying everything. She did seem quite annoyed initially but has promised not to buy anything else but instead said she will give us money to go towards things when we are ready to buy. She did say we need to start buying now if we want to be prepared but I don't believe we do and neither does hubby.

I do think she is just.a naturally controlling person and also someone who likes to be 'needed'. I do want her to play a big role in baby's life as she will be the only grandmother so I hope we can move forward from this!

Thanks again for all your advice & comments much appreciated

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Original poster
user1482955082 · 30/12/2016 17:08

Also * she has said she will return the big items i.e. cot and pram! Thank god lol!!!

OP posts:
Helbelle75 · 30/12/2016 17:21

That's good. We've only just started buying things at 25 weeks and it's plenty of time I think.
Enjoy your pregnancy!

Sparklyuggs · 30/12/2016 17:22

That's good, it's hard when it comes from a good place but it isn't appropriate and you have plenty of time to prepare! I had to firmly tell my family I didn't want anything bought for our baby until we said so (I'm currently 10w).

Congratulations and be pleased that she wants to be involved, hopefully with some boundaries she'll be a great help for you in the future.

kel12345 · 30/12/2016 17:25

She shouldn't be taking over like that really. It's your baby and it should be up to you and your partner to decide what you want for your baby.
If she wants to help contribute, fine. But she should really ask you what you would like her to buy for the baby, and it should be you 2 that decide what pram, cot, clothes and so on you want.
Also that is very early to get bits. We didn't get anything until the month before my due date (personal choice).
Your partner needs to have a word with his mum and tell her she's gone a bit overboard. I can understand she's excited for you both, but that's not an excuse to take that away from you

Thinkingblonde · 30/12/2016 17:38

Good to see she's agreed to return the pram and the cot, I doubt if she'll be able to return the formula, she could donate that to a food bank perhaps?
Keep those boundaries in place, remind her (gently but firmly enough) that it's your turn now to carry on the next generation and you and hubby are excited and are looking forward to choosing the baby items.
Don't push her out all together though, does she knit or sew? Maybe ask her to knit an heirloom cot blanket or sew one for baby.

ChristmasSeacow · 30/12/2016 23:11

I am glad she listened and obviously saw your perspective. It bodes well for the future! It is kind of her to offer you a contribution towards your equipment even if she can't choose it (a good indication her heart is in the right place) so hopefully you can reach an understanding. If you can give her an inch without her taking a mile you might even be able to choose some things with her!

Hope peace reigns Wink

Stargirl82 · 30/12/2016 23:22

You need to do the research on all the different cots, bed, peaks, bouncers, bottle, breast etc. That's what's so much fun!

Pointlesscrap · 31/12/2016 00:32

I'm 31 weeks and haven't bought anything other than a few rompers 🙈 Seen what we want to buy for the baby just a matter of ordering it all...damn I'm lazy. You could send your mil my way i'll be happy for her to get the items for me lol

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