Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Don't need to hear how awful it'll be!

47 replies

cockermum85 · 27/12/2016 11:45

So I'm 31w pregnant and I feel like all anyone is telling me is how hard I'm going to find everything.

Whether it is labour, or breastfeeding or lack of sleep... apparently it's all horrible and I'll hate it.

Now I'm not entering into this with rose tinted glasses but women have been doing this for centuries, and not only once, people obviously find it so manageable that they have more than one baby!!!

I don't think it helps that my husband and I have an active and sociable life. We enjoy going out, having nice holidays, we have nice cars etc, so I think they all think we're going to have a breakdown if any of that changes.

Really this is just a moan but I wondered if anyone had any kind words to ease my irritation at them.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

haveacupoftea · 27/12/2016 16:44

People love to moan, i'm sure getting up in the night to change a nappy isn't as good as sleeping but it's hardly the hell on earth it's made out to be.

Becciilouisex3 · 27/12/2016 17:34

Totally get what you mean but it's probably being said with good intentions despite how it may becoming across. When I was pregnant with DS I had the opposite, people telling me how wonderful it was (which it is!!) and no one really wanted to talk about how hard it would be.

That's nice in a way but when I had DS (my first) I spent some time thinking I was a terrible mother because it was a lot harder than I thought and people had made out. I thought I was supposed to love every second and know exactly what to do from the word go and never get stressed because he's your baby and you love him.

I adore my DS but I think I'd have liked someone to tell me that it is hard and that it's okay to feel like it's hard. Especially how terrible colic can make mum and dad feel too, and reflux, as well as baby. It's the best most wonderful job in the world though despite the hard days.

kmini · 27/12/2016 18:09

Try not to get down. It's very dull when people drone on about how hard it is. Your baby will come with all its own ups and down (and so so so much more ups, let me just say), which you will learn yourself. Just block them out. Good luck.

Jayfee · 27/12/2016 18:18

It is truly the most wonderful thing in the world. Birth has to happen, and might be a bit rough at times, but you will have a beautiful baby to hold and a love so strong you will be amazed. Good luck!

Jayfee · 27/12/2016 18:22

A tip about breast feeding..when babies suck, they are not always getting much milk. I breast fed for 9 months but gave a top up bottle in the evening when I was tired. The baby had been crying a lot because she was hungry. The bottle did not affect my milk production.

DearMrDilkington · 27/12/2016 18:25

That does sound annoying.

Just reply "I'll stick it on gumtree if it doesn't behave". They'll soon stop mentioning it

ChanandlerBongsNeighbour · 27/12/2016 18:36

I loved every minute of pregnancy," (mostly straightforward wth a few medical niggles both times) had easy labours (no frame of reference first time obvs but got through both them ok!) and loved every stage of my children from birth to now. As we are now firmly out of newborn/baby/toddler territory (And I work with nursery age children) I am just now beginning to feel like I am moving into unchartered waters with regards to what to expect! I don't know if it's because I had a realistic view of what to expect of birth/newborn-hood etc or just that I am pretty easy going and laid back but honestly, there was nothing unexpected or massively shocking. Yes you'll be tired, yes you'll be covered in poo, vomit, urine and often a mix of all the above! (😉) but if you go into to it knowing that, you'll not be shocked or disappointed and you can find the humour and/or realism to get you through! You can still have a social life, just takes an adjustment of expectations and lots of organisation! HTH and all the best!

mimiholls · 27/12/2016 18:43

I also hated everyone telling me this through pregnancy and I was convinced that they all just liked a good moan about how hard their lives were and that I would be more capable. Turns out it was a million times harder than I ever expected it to be and I couldn't believe no one had properly warned me about what I was getting into. I ended up with pnd. It really depends on what your expectations are and also the nature of your baby.

user1468957349 · 27/12/2016 18:51

Have a look at Sophie Fletcher (I think that's the author?!) book called Mindful Hypnobirth. It actually goes beyond birth and into the areas you mention. It's very empowering and focuses on the positive aspects - good at helping you remember exactly what your body and you as a woman are capable of x

MyBlackCat · 27/12/2016 19:00

I could gave written your post a couple of months ago pretty much word for word. LO is now 6 weeks old and it's been the hardest 6 weeks. When things are good it's great, when we have bad days I really struggle. Breastfeeding has been tough and have just made the decision to combination feed. I didn't think it would be this tough but everyone is different. I didn't have any family,y support in first few weeks which didn't help.

Good luck though - when the smile at you it makes it all worthwhile

myoriginal3 · 27/12/2016 19:09

I was fully convinced I'd be bored with a new born.

passingthrough1 · 27/12/2016 20:15

I hated this too.

Obviously no one enjoys childbirth but within hours of it I was thinking (and in fact saying to DP) "oh that was doable, I could definitely do that again."

Breastfeeding - hard but worth it and then becomes easy. I heard so many horrendous stories and you basically think that almost everyone can't do it and everyone has "latch issues" or "supply issues", when I think for most of us .. you just feed and feed and feed and sometimes they latch and sometimes they don't but they get better at it and you get better at it, and you feed half the day and eat chocolate and watch a hell of a lot of boxsets..!

passingthrough1 · 27/12/2016 20:22

Also to add my baby wakes up minimum 5x a night at almost six months and I actually feel ok, normal-ish (sometimes very ish) .. People love to tell you how horrendous everything is but like most things don't we all just muddle through?
And that's with a tongue tied, colicky baby with reflux. I just like to think next time it's got to be easier!

Best of luck OP!

CalleighDoodle · 27/12/2016 20:30

Labour: preparation and pot luck. Stay upright. Dont slouch. Do classes on positions, pain relief etc. listen to midwives and listen to your body.

Breastfeeding: some people have no issues at all. Some people struggle with positioning and attachment which can cause a bit of damage and cause some
Pain until it has healed. Nipple shields were my lifeline for those healing days. Breastfeeding after six weeks is, for almost everyone i know, a doddle.

Newborns: parent sleep suckers. Learn to sleep for two hour chunks.

It all passes quickly. Youll get into a routine quickly. Dont expect or try to be back to your normal schedule in a few days. You get used to broken sleep.

Nice holidays: well, youll need child friendly holidays for a while.

Nice cars: hmm maybe for the first five minutes after ever valet

HomeIsWhereTheGinisNow · 27/12/2016 20:39

How depressing this current fad for decrying children as a boring drain is. I have a toddler DS and I can tell you without reservation that it's amazing and fun and brilliant, so much better than I thought it could ever be. I've honestly never had to much fun.

Lunalovepud · 27/12/2016 22:10

I hated this with DC1 and am gearing up for it all over again as expecting DC2.

Being a mum is ACE. Although there are some tough times, they are far outweighed by the awesome bits and the sheer and absolute joy you get from the tiniest thing that your little one does. My DC stroked my face and hand earlier and I nearly cried it was so lovely. (he is usually trying to wrestle me or cuddle me into submission to be fair, so it made a lovely change!)

I found being direct and asking people to try not to piss on my bonfire usually got a result (you can get away with being stroppy when pregnant as everyone blames the hormones!)

If that didn't work I used to really sarcastically thank the bearer of bad tidings and tell them that until our conversation, I had just been looking forward to meeting my baby but thanks to them, I now realise I was wrong and it will all be terrible and I am dreading it so thanks for that.

BTW - me and DH also always had nice holidays and very active social lives and we still absolutely do. We just go out less together and more individually so the other one can mind DC. Or people come to our house when DC is in bed. We found that we want to go out less anyway because we like being with DC.

You'll be fine. You'll love it. It's BRILLIANT.

Obsidian77 · 27/12/2016 22:23

I wonder if Figure17a has a point? I wouldn't dream of scaring an expectant mum, I'd probably just wish them well, but if someone was telling me her life's not going to change, she has a routine planned for the baby, she's thinking of taking the baby to the Maldives when it's 6 weeks old (someone did actually say this to me) then I might gently point out that it might be a little tougher than they're anticipating.
Like pp's have said, if you are expecting it to be tough then when it is tough, it's not a surprise. Hopefully everything will all be manageable and you'll enjoy it.

oldlaundbooth · 28/12/2016 01:56

What's right for one mum might not be right for you. I. E. Sling wearing. You might prefer to just have baby in the pram instead : that's fine. DS hated being in a sling, so it didn't work. Quiet and happy in the pram though.

Take everything you read with a pinch of salt too, every kid is different, see sling comment.

gooseygander88 · 28/12/2016 02:14

I knew having a newborn wasn't going to be 'easy' and my gosh at times it was hard but you adapt to the sleep deprivation, the midwives and health visitors are there to help you through the first 2 weeks as well (because being a first time mum I had many questions etc)! Just take up any help you can, rest when you can and before you know it you'll be into the swing of mummy hood and looking back thinking "can you remember when" and you'll want to do it all over again no matter what! Oh and the labour .. that's what pain relief is for. :)

AudreyBradshaw · 28/12/2016 02:34

Sat here with 4 week old ds attached to my right nipple and can honestly say he is the most wonderful thing that has ever happened, ever! Yes, I'm quite tired, I washed my hair two days ago and haven't got round to drying it yet, my eyebrows look like Frida Kahlo stunt doubles and if I've managed to leave the house it's been a successful day! (Goals include : having a shower, getting dressed, doing an activity outside of the couch.) But it's amazing so far, he's the light of my life and it's a learning curve for us both.

Things I've learned ;
• you can plan your birth as much as you like, your baby and your body will do exactly as they want. But practising mindfulness and calming techniques so that whatever happens, you can try as much as possible to minimise panic is the way to go.

• if breastfeeding; some nipple cream ready, always keep a drink nearby, pinching your nipple flat into the babies mouth works, ask every HCP you brush past to check for tongue tie. Get some cheapy flat pillows and settle in on the couch, you may be there some time. Make sure everything is within reaching distance (including a nappy, wipes, clean vest and a phone charger, having 4% with a just fed and fallen asleep baby is no joke.)

• Be kind to yourself, it's awesome and amazing and wonderful, but it's also properly scary being in charge of an anti human who is completely depending on you. Eat cake, cry if you need to and don't be scared to ask for help.

AudreyBradshaw · 28/12/2016 02:39

An anti =an entire.

notangelinajolie · 28/12/2016 03:03

I can't say labour was fun. 3 babies and only one of them was ok. Expect the unexpected and you will be fine.

What I can tell you is that being a new mum does not mean sleepless nights and niggly newborns. Please don't let the negative stories put you off, if there is one thing I have learnt from mumsnet .... it is that people don't tend to post when they don't have a problem so all you are reading is negative experiences. I promise you that chances are you will not have any of problems you read about on here. All my three slept and fed with no problems whatsoever. It is lovely having a new baby - cherish and enjoy every moment - I loved every minute. Congratulations!

Flip

1 2