When to tell parents/in laws?

[LittleFox10]

Just wondering at what stage in pregnancy everyone told their parents/in laws?

I am only 6 weeks and my partner would like to tell his dad at Christmas, which then I will be 7 & 1/2 weeks, I still feel this is too early? I'd love to wait until our 12 week scan but that won't be until end of Jan/ beginning of Feb.

Also how did you tell them? Would love to know stories xxx

We told them at about 6 weeks. I did have a mc unfortunately first time round a few weeks later but I'm still glad we told them and had them for support anyway, and we told them again at 6 weeks second time round. Good luck!

We waited until after we'd had the 12 week scan. It is very much a personal decision though as some people would prefer to have the support of their close family should the worst happen. Our reason for waiting is that had we had a miscarriage our families would then know we were TTC and we would then be constantly be questioned about when we were trying again or if we were pregnant yet.

Congratulations. It all depends on how you would feel them knowing if you did have a miscarriage really. I told my mum every time I got a positive test.

I told my in-laws at 7+3 because we went for a meal with them which contained forbidden food. Told my parents when we saw them at 8 weeks. I would have wanted their support if I'd had a miscarriage, hence why we didn't wait till the 12 weeks scan to tell them.

Would his dad be discrete about it or is he the type to plaster it all over fb?

It's dhs baby too and compromise is key here.

Congratulations! We waited until 12 weeks to tell anyone because I knew my mum would tell other people. My ILS would have kept it to themselves so I would have been OK with telling them before then if it weren't for not wanting to tell them before my mum.

Would your FIL tell the world or keep it quiet?

Thank you for the mixed views. We had a miscarriage at 17 weeks 2 years ago and it has taken all this time plus help of Clomid to fall pregnant again. I think this is my main worry of telling him early but I know he would keep it to himself and not tell the world, however if we say on Christmas Day that we are expecting I know his brother will tell his partner and I can't trust her at all because I know she will go telling my family which I don't want. It's so hard to know what to do but I think it would be nice to tell him at Christmas so he has something to look forward to as he's going through a rubbish time at the moment and says everything bad happens at Christmas so maybe if we give him some good news it will lift his spirits a little. We have an early scan booked on Monday so as long as that is okay and little one has a heartbeat I think we will tell him. Just always have that little doubt in the back of my mind. However I know whatever does happen his dad will be very supportive like he was last time. Thank you all!
Is anyone currently expecting? Xxx

Waited until I was 24 weeks, sent them a 'beer' 'baby' photo.

Awwr I love that Womble! When are you due? Or have you already had your little one? Xx

Sorry to hear about what you've been through, and such a late mc too. I'm 16 weeks now :). Here's hoping happy healthy pregnancies to both of us and next year we will have our babies :). Good luck at the scan.

Thank you Moonlight. Sorry to hear about your previous mc but a huge congratulations on this pregnancy hope we both have healthy babies. I constantly feel worried and every little cramp and pain I worry about, im hoping after 12 weeks and seeing a normal scan I will start to relax more. When are you due? According to my app I'm due 9th August. Xxx

Thanks :). I know exactly how you feel, unfortunately I still have panics now where I'm convinced it'll all go wrong with every twinge even though I've got no reason to worry and everything has gone perfectly so far but it does get easier to relax. Just waiting for my 20 week scan now and to find out everything is well! I'm due 31st May.

My MIL guessed and asked when I was about 6 weeks . But I didn't say yes or no as I lost my first at 12 week scan. We couldn't go through that again with everyone knowing. (And very complicated) so told when things were further along and at 12 weeks.
It is a hard decision so do what feels right and if you do tell make it very clear if you want others to know. In laws etc get very excited and want to spread the news ....

i waited until after my 12 week scan. to tell everyone i printed off copies of the scan and stuck them to cards with names on like grandma and grandad. making them will keep you occupied if you do choose to wait!

Hi littlefox
My baby was born last November I didn't tell sooner as I had had 6 MCs previously. The more the weeks ticked by, the more I loved it being my secret. I'll try and find the pic for you

Dh's belly was bigger than mine!

Thanks for the reassurance that it does get easier. I think once I see a little heartbeat I will feel much better and it will feel a lot more real. I've had really bad sickness since finding out and today I've had hardly anything and not "felt" pregnant at all. Although it might be to do with worry of work as I work in a nursery and my first time organising a Christmas Carol Concert for all the parents to come and watch and with the children only being early 3 I wasn't sure how it was going to go so that has kept me very busy today, as well as organising the room and making sure everyone does as their told lol.

Oh wow love the photo womble. Such a good idea we've just bought a mug that says " only the best dads get promoted to grandad" I'm hoping he gets the drift of it, as he is a grandad already but to his step daughter and he's no longer with her mum (my partners mum too). So this will be his first "proper" grandchild. I was going to wait to buy it on Monday but worried it won't come in time for Christmas if we decide to tell him then

I can't wait to have my scan! I'm so glad it's at 8am and not have to wait all day to see the little one. Xxx

womble very cute! I know what you mean about the secret though, apart from our parents and my 3 closest friends we didn't tell anyone else til after the 12 week scan and by then I kind of felt like I didn't want to tell anyone as I enjoyed our little bubble! I toyed with the idea of not telling anyone and seeing how far I could get before someone asked haha.

I'm 25w preg today. Wow !!! And we told my dad (all 3 other parents dead) after 7w scan as this baby has taken 10yrs ttc and 5private ivf attempts then friends /FB

I admit I was wary saying so early but df really wanted to and We did think if the worst happened then all would know why we would be so distraught as very unlikely to ever get preg again

Maybe op tell dad but make clear to tell no one including brother /sil with big mouth

I told my parents at seven weeks the first time, then had to tell them I'd had a mmc a few days later. They were devastated after being so excited.

Second time I waited until I'd had a favourable scan, rather than put them through that again.

Third time, wasn't planning on telling them until 12 weeks and scan, but have had a rather upsetting early scan where it looks like the embryo isn't growing and unlikely to be viable so have now told my mum - mainly because we'll be staying with them over Christmas and I expect to be a bit of a mess. Were it not for Christmas I probably wouldn't have told her until I'd had surgery and it was all over.

But I am 42, and my parents are elderly, and not the people I tend to rely on for support during tricky times, that's more my close friends and colleagues.

I told my mum and sisters immediately. I'd have been happy to tell dhs parents too but he wanted to wait til the 12 week scan so that was up to him.

Having had a previous MC I knew I'd need the support from family if it happened again. Plus I do think it would be helpful if more women spoke up about early MC - it's so common.

I've heard that it's quite hard to ask for help after a MC if no one knows that you're pregnant so my rationale was to tell people that I would also tell if I had a MC so if the worst happened I wouldn't have to deal with it alone with DH.

For the first pregnancy we told everyone at 12 weeks, for this one we waited until 20 as we wanted all the scans out of the way first.

DH told his parents 4 days after I got the positive test at 4 weeks I wanted to keep it a but longer but he was too excited. I felt a bit invaded having everyone know. I didn't tell my parents until I was 8 weeks and had an early scan to check everything was ok. I did tell my sister about 2hrs after taking the test though, because she's my sister!

I felt a bit invaded having everyone know.

YY, I really disliked the thought of my dp's massive family all contemplating what was or wasn't going on with my reproductive system! The thing about making big announcements is that you can't put the genie back in the bottle once it's done.

A lot of pregnancies don't make it to the 12 week mark and, until it happens to you you have no idea how you are going to feel. For me I was extremely sad, but I didn't need support from anyone apart from my partner, I just wanted to get back to normal asap and start trying again. My miscarriages aren't a secret, (I have told two random people on the phone this week alone) but neither do I go around broadcasting them to all and sundry. I choose who I talk to about them and when, and this was made easier by not having made a big announcement the minute I peed on a stick. Everyone is different though.