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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Feeling depressed and ashamed

3 replies

Dontwannabeabadmum · 10/12/2016 22:03

Have name changed as I am feeling so ashamed of myself right now...

Im 36w pregnant and I'm struggling with it all so much right now. Iv been depressed for a few years, going as far as trying to od a couple of years ago. I was really stable before being pregnant on 150mg sertraline. When I fell pregnant my dose was lowered to 50mg. At first I felt like I was coping really well and barring morning sickness quite enjoying being pregnant. But since around 20 weeks iv absolutely hated being pregnant and my depression has been slowly and surely increasing again to a point now where I'm having panic attacks a few times a week and even though I'm not full term yet am desperate to go into labour simply because I don't feel like I can do this anymore. I'm in the process of changing gp surgeries so can't see my new doctor yet until it's all set up and sorted out. I haven't seen the same mw for any of my appointments since 16 weeks so I can't particularly talk to my mw. There isn't really a prenatal mh service where I live, I know a lot of areas have specialised mw but I asked about that right at the beginning because I was worried of this exact thing happening and was told they don't have them and the mh service isn't any different for pregnancy so all they could do would be to refer me to a counsellor which iv never found helpful.

I just don't know what to do with myself anymore, I'm trying not to let on to anybody how bad it really is especially dh as he's already scared of me going into labour and when I'm having a really down period he wants to watch me like a hawk to make sure I don't try anything stupid again and it's not fair on him to have to deal with all the issues right now. I don't have anyone else I can speak to it would normally be my best friend but she has just had a baby 4 weeks ago and is struggling herself with being a first time mum.

All I can think is that I just want my baby here to hold and to not have to deal with the uncomfortableness and pain anymore and in all honestly go back to my higher dose of medication as I know that that has helped.

Sorry for the extremely long post but thank you for letting me get this off my chest

OP posts:
ChristmasSeacow · 10/12/2016 23:39

Gosh, I don't feel qualified to advise but didn't want to read and run. All I can really say is that you seem very in tune with your feelings and that is a good start. You know you need help so go to your GP (old one if necessary or new one as a visitor) and just tell them what you have said so eloquently here. They really have to take notice of you, you are experienced and asking for help,

I also hope you don't think I am minimising the severity of your feelings when I say this but: you have done brilliantly to get to 36 weeks and you haven't got long to go. That's not to trivialise 4 more weeks of feeling like you do (hence you should push for help) but just to say that there is a definite end point - not that you will miraculously feel better once baby is born, the early days are hard, but you can at least go back on your medication at that point.

Finally, I don't know anything about your DH or your relationship but if he is a good egg and has stood by you before then allow him in. I know you are trying to protect him but it's a big thing you are both going through and in his shoes I'd want you to lean on me.

Good luck OP Flowers

Whatsername17 · 11/12/2016 09:24

You need to see your gp. The hormonal effects of pregnancy, labour and birth are huge and you need some help. If the docs are aware, after you've given birth, they will start your meds asap again which will help. You need a care and in place. It will help you feel more secure and less anxious. Good luck Flowers

BeamReach · 11/12/2016 09:43

I am sorry you are feeling so dreadful..... Your GP should see you as an emergency if you are pregnant....regardless of the registration process .... I hope you can see them soon (no need to wait til you have given birth to increase the dose back toward your usual dose..... Ask and discuss the benefits and the risks (depression needs to be take. Seriously in pregnancy..... If no mental health team and GP not willing, ask if he would take advice from the obstetrics team re risks/ benefits.... They are usually very keen to treat

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