Feeling depressed about my size

[obsessed1]

I feel so guilty to even be expressing these thoughts but am really struggling. I've wanted to be pregnant for so long and experienced a late pregnancy loss last time around, so I know I should be (and am) extremely grateful to be pregnant. I'm 27weeks, but I feel massive. People keep on telling me I look like I'm about to drop, and yesterday a colleague told me I was massive. I have always been sensitive about my body shape and size, so it's really hit a nerve. I keep telling myself that the main thing is that my baby is healthy and appears to be growing, but I can't stop myself worrying. I feel grotesque in all my clothes. I know I've gained lots of weight through over eating especially in the first 12 weeks when I felt sick constantly and eating was the only thing that helped, and it's a vicious cycle because I'm an emotional eater and can't seem to stop.
Things have got worse this week because I've found out a girl I work with is 15 weeks pregnant. She still has a flat stomach and is showing no signs of being pregnant whatsoever. At 15 weeks I was bursting out of my jeans and people guessed I was expecting. I know it's so so vain and I hate myself for it but I keep thinking how people are naturally going to make unfavourable comparisons between us, just like I am.
Sorry this sounds terribly self pitying. I just wondered if anyone else struggled with similar issues whilst pregnant?

Don't be too hard on yourself. I think it's quite common for women who have previously had body image issues to find pregnancy changes difficult. Can you access any counselling?

I could have wrote that myself!! I am exactly the same, I felt and looked my best right before I got pregnant, I got married was 9 stone, had a lovely tan, eyelash extensions, generally loving life, then 3 weeks after honeymoon I found out I was pregnant, and I felt so rubbish during the first trimester that all I did was sit at home and eat, I have put loads on, I'm guessing something like 3 stone, (I'm 35 weeks now), but I'm not going to weigh myself until I have had my baby and then I will deal with it after that, no point in making myself hate myself anymore when I can't really do anything about it!! I HATE how I look, I barely see my friends because I am so embarrassed, the only clothes I have make me look disgusting, but I know that there will be an end to it and I will work hard to get rid, I have lost lots of weight before so i know I can do it again!! I haven't enjoyed being pregnant TBH, but it's only 9 months of your life, desperate for a nice cold glass of bubbly!!! Just enjoy eating what you want while you can and be grateful that the biggest part of your pregnancy will be during winter!! Don't be down on yourself like I have been!! Xx

Yes, yes and yes. I'miss 22 weeks and always watched my weight, done lots of exercise and been really healthy. Although I have quite a neat bump and have really only put weight on as bump, i'm struggling with it as my tummy was always my 'obsessive' area. I'm over the moon to be pregnant, it's a much wanted pregnancy and I love my bump, but very much struggling with what to wear.
Most people have been lovely and not mentioned my size, just said how healthy I am looking. There are a few who are intent on saying how big i am (i'm not unusually big and tell them that) and it's really annoying. Particularly as one woman who tells me most days has a bigger tummy than me and she's not pregnant.... People just need to talk about pregnancy. I get a bit embarrassed that all of a sudden i'm the centre of attention just because i'm pregnant!
Anyway, yes, try to focus on the beautiful baby you are growing. I keep telling myself that a healthy baby is all that's important.

Yes! I suffered with an earing disorder in my early teens. And although I got it under control a long time ago and have enjoyed all my previous pregnancies, not caring about my size, this time I'm miserable with it. I've just had polyhydramnios confirmed which means I'm carrying a shit tonne of extra amniotic fluid, measuring approx 8 weeks ahead of what I should and also have a large ish baby on board. I'm 28 weeks but look 36 easily

Thank you so much for the quick replies. It's comforting to know I'm not the only one. I know I've a lot to be thankful for and it will all be worth it when (hopefully) I have my beautiful baby girl in my arms. And fruitloop you're absolutely right, at least it's winter!!

OP - I was 58kg when I fell pregnant, 76kg when I gave birth... and 53kg and happy in a teeny bikini 9 months after giving birth while eating lots. How? By breastfeeding exclusively for sux months and continuing to breastfeed. Do not despair

Oh thats a nice thought!

My DD was premature, my waters broke early and although I didn't go into labour I knew she would be delivered at 34 weeks latest and whilst having a walk outside the hospital a few days before she was born we passed an extremely pregnant woman and I started crying as I knew I would never be heavily pregnant. Not having a go but still feel jealous of heavily pregnant women. Try your best to enjoy x

Hi just wanted to say I really sympathise. I'm 14 weeks after a difficult time getting pregnant (IVF etc) and feel utterly pathetic fretting about my weight but can't help it. I was also nauseous throughout first trimester and had to eat every couple of hours. I had a difficult moment when I got on the midwife's scales at 9 weeks and saw how much I'd put on. I've also never really been comfortable with my body shape, which is very curvaceous and it only takes a few pounds to tip me from statuesque/dare I say sexy to lumpen and frumpy. ANYWAY. Just wanted to say I feel for you and hearing your worries makes me have compassion for you and therefore compassion for myself. Of course we are not going to become totally chilled about weight gain overnight, when we are so accustomed to responding to media pressure and comparing ourselves to other women. By the way, I also have a pregnant colleague who is due in March and honestly we look like we're the same stage and yes I compare myself and think others must too (why??? Why on earth would they care???); a couple of people have commented that "I'm showing already" - no, not really, I've just got a bit chubby and by the way I am NEVER wearing that outfit again! You're right to remind yourself that your growing baby is the important thing; you're going to get big and you need to and everyone expects you to; it will come off afterwards. Things that have helped me are spending time choosing a couple of flattering outfits that I can feel good in and talking to my midwife about my worries. She gave me a weight chart so I could keep track of what was healthy/expected and it helped me psychologically to feel my body was doing its job rather than spiralling out of control. By the way, people shouldn't be making those sorts of comments - you're massive etc - it's actually really rude but they don't see it that way. They think they are complimenting you on your blossoming shape and the healthy baby associated with that. They would be mortified to know you found it upsetting so please remind yourself that NO ONE is thinking negatively about your weight except you. Please know you're normal but also please try and be kind to yourself through the rest of your pregnancy... And congratulations by the way. 😊

Daftone, thank you so much for your thoughtful, compassionate reply. I know it's important to keep things in perspective and be a bit kinder towards myself. The last thing I want is to look back on this time when my body was doing this magical thing, and wish I had enjoyed it. Or if god forbid anything goes wrong with the pregnancy be left with the guilt that I hadn't appreciated how lucky I actually am at this moment in time when all appears to be going in the right direction. I know my body shape ordinarily couldn't be more different to the girl at my work, not to mention that she's 12 years younger than me and hasn't an ounce of fat on her, so why would I expect my baby bump to be anything like hers? And yes, I'm sure people would be mortified if they thought their comments upset me...after the last, very public pregnancy loss, it's probably just their misguided way of showing they are happy for me. Anyway I just wanted to say thank you for taking the time to reply, and I hope you also manage to be kind to yourself xxxx

I've got from a slim size 8-10 to 12-14 in maternity clothes. Am 37 weeks.

For me it's been due to eating too much and not having the energy to excerise.

Absolutely hate it but the most important thing is our babies. Weight can always be lost afterwards xx

It won't fix how you're feeling, but is shopping for some nice maternity clothes an option op?

I felt exactly the same during my pregnancy. I gained about 3 stone in total (due to over eating cos of morning sickness and inactivity toward he end due to a dvt) but even at 12 weeks people were saying I was huge, massive, enormous (one that particularly annoyed me) and kept asking if I was having twins!! It really used to piss me off

I remember one girl I used to work with kept saying 'compared to my sister you are absolutely huge' - I wasn't. Her sister was 6 weeks ahead of me and at least 4 stone heavier to begin with.

What really annoys me is that people don't see any problem with openly saying these types of things to women who are probably already feeling down and a bit emotional, especially about the way they look. You wouldn't say 'you're huge' to a fat person so I don't know why people feel it's ok to say to a pregnant women. There is more tactful ways of saying it. I remember a couple of older ladies I work with that were so lovely and made me feel like I looked gorgeous the whole time, they were full of compliments saying I looked glowing and all sorts, even if what they really meant was my belly was getting big, they did it in a way that actually made me feel good about it.

What I wanted to -scream- say to people was 'Yes, your belly gets big and yes you put on some weight, that is generally what happens during pregnancy. Sorry, not everyone stays in shape, eats healthy, puts on minimal weight, has a nice little neat bump and pops right back into shape!'

Also congratulations and all the best for the rest of your pregnancy

I've had a few wobbles with the way I look and second pp's advice to find maternity clothes that suit you. I know lots of people like to show off the bump in tight-fitting clothing but I always feel a bit lumpy and frumpy I've been wearing long layers over skinny jeans (waterfall cardigans and long scarves are your friends) or a maternity dress with a cardigan cinched in under my boobs to create an empire line. Much more flattering if you feel sensitive about the size of your bump.

It's a deal OP - you be kind to yourself and I'll be kind to myself. shakes on it 😊

Totally agree on the suggestions of going shopping. I was feeling shite at the same no. Of weeks. DH took me to H&M and a few quid later I felt so much better

I've found Primark good for cheap tops. They don't do maternity wear but I just buy a couple of sizes up.