18, uni student and pregnant

[Elliechar]

I started uni this September and me and my boyfriend have just fallen pregnant, I am 2 weeks gone, he seems very happy about it and deep down I do want to keep it.

However I am very young and I don't know if we could financially support a child, plus my parents would absolutely flip out, and I'm still in uni.

Advice?

Nothing to do with your parents. You are an adult and there for perfectly entitled to make your own decisions. Of course, they need to know and they are bound to have an opinion- but any decisions lie with you. Do not be pressured into anything you dont want to do.

With that said- babies are hard work and expensive. Are you planning on staying at uni? Im not sure what you get in the way of financial support as a student- but you will need to find housing, pay for childcare, your food bills will eventually increase as well as paying for nappies, clothes toys etc.

If your parents arent going to support your decision- then a) you arent going to be able to rely on them for support (both emotional and pratical) and b) your relationship will suffer as a consequence of this- how is that going to make you feel and impact on your life? Im sure you think at 18 you will cope without them but it will be a big shock to your system if they wont support you.

Think long and hard about what you want to do with your future. A baby is a massive tie- do you want to be sitting there next year with a baby asleep upstairs while your friends go out partying for christmas? How will you feel if your group of friends decide to go travelling and you wont be able to join in?

Write a pros and cons list and of course involve your boyfriend in this.

Good luck, whatever you decide to do

You have to make the decision you can live with.
Either living with a termination, or living with being a young mother and the sacrifice that involves.

You say deep down you want to continue the pregnancy. Then I would do that.

I was at uni with a girl who had a baby. She graduated. It's possible but it's very, very hard.

It's all very well for your boyfriend to be happy but is he really prepared to support you through this? Will he be prepared to get up in the night with a crying baby when you both have coursework due in the next day? (I assume he's at uni too?)

Good luck with whatever you decide

The university will have services to help you.

In taking your decision you should, being realistic, assume that you and your bf will not stay together and that you'll be a single parent. Which would affect everything, and you might well not be able to complete your studies. Sad, but a lot of relationships break down and some fathers don't even pay maintenance. "Hope for the best plan for the worst".

"We" are not pregnant: you are. The decision on keeping the baby is yours alone: your body, your choice.

Ignore what the parents think or want. You have to live long term with which ever decision you make. Both are difficult options in different ways - both aborting and having the baby.

Talk to student services - maybe you can finish your first year completely, then take a year out for the baby before continuing your studies?

It could be v v hard to complete studies (housing,childcare, finance etc) without financial and practical support from your parents and/or bf, which even if given could (especially the bf) end at any time.

I think you need to be a bit practical now.

Where will you live? Do the uni have accommodation for this situation? Most other students won't want to share with a baby.

What money are you entitled to? Look at the entitledto web site. Go to student services and get all the help going.

How much will this cost?

Does the uni have a crèche. Are you going to be able to access it?

What degree are you doing? Is it a vanity degree or something that will pretty definitely lead to a real job. Are you enjoying it? Are you in the first year?

Then make the decision. Then tell your parents if you decide to keep it. They are far more likely to take it well if you show you've given it serious thought.

Having a baby is hard hard work. Physically you are a good age but mentally it will still be tough. And you will be tired like you've never known for months.

I was 18 and in college studying what I had always wanted to do when I found out. However my boyfriend was not supportive and told me to abort. I lived with my mum who worked full time so i knew I'd have to have the baby on my own if that's the route I took. I stayed at college as long as I could and I kept my baby. It was hard I won't lie, she's sitting on the other sofa as we speak getting her book bag ready for school! She doesn't see her dad too much but it's his loss.