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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Unsupportive boyfriend

11 replies

Lizziedoll · 08/12/2016 15:59

Hi everyone I really need an outsider's opinion on what is going on for me right now.
My boyfriend of a year and I are expecting a baby, I'm almost 7w pregnant, this is our second pregnancy, I had a mc at 7w in July.
We were in a happy relationship, very much in love and I chose him to father my child as I think he has a heart of gold and is very loyal. Also I'm 30 and I've had cervical cancer in the past so could be my last chance etc
Last time I was pregnant he was ecstatic and was very supportive when I lost it. Hence me wanting to try again. With him.
Now I'm pregnant again and since I told him almost two weeks ago our relationship is awful. He says he wants this baby and wants to be with me still but he barely talks to me, he seems down all the time, seems unsure. It seems he's fallen out of love with me overnight. Im so heartbroken and each time i ask him about it he says it's all in my head but my instincts tell me I'm right.
I feel so gutted and let down that I yell at him and resent him and in turns he avoids talking to me. I feel so alone, left wondering if having this baby even makes sense but I can't face an abortion and scared I will regret it.
I've also had to stop my antidepressants cold turkey (my doctor's request) so I'm constantly anxious, sad, stressed, angry.
Really don't know what to do, I'm crying all the time.
Please help!

OP posts:

drinkyourmilk · 08/12/2016 16:01

Could it be he is concerned about you having another miscarriage?

Hellmouth · 08/12/2016 16:08

I think he's either worried about you having an MC, or he's having second thoughts about having another child altogether. Being together a year is not very long before having a kid. my DP and I were only together for 10 months when we found out about (unplanned) DS, and it has not been easy.

He needs to talk to you really, otherwise you are just guessing how he feels. If he doesn't want to, then i think you will need to decide where you want this relationship to go, and how involved you want him to be.

Original poster

Lizziedoll · 08/12/2016 16:27

I did ask him whether he would rather I had an abortion, he said no, that he wanted this child. I also gave him the option to split and have joined custody but he says he wants us to be a family. But he's been so off with me, not loving or caring at all. I feel so rejected and alone

OP posts:

Bella1985 · 08/12/2016 16:28

You write about how you chose him to father your child, and how he's been supportive of you...did he have a say in it all? Could it be that he wasn't expecting to become pregnant again so soon? I think you need to talk to him about what you both feel and what you both want. As you're also off your medication cold turkey he may be working out how to cope with your feelings without upsetting you, especially if you say you're angry, sad, anxious etc.it sounds like a tough time for you OP.

It's also handy to remember that you have a lot of hormones in you and you may be taking things to heart/can overreact right now or be overly emotional so keep that in mind so you don't take anything he says to heart or say anything you may regret. (Easier said than done - pregnancy can wreak havoc with hormones and that's hard for a partner to adjust to!)

Congratulations on your pregnancy and hope this one sticks and you sort things out with your boyfriend.

TwitterQueen1 · 08/12/2016 16:31

Did he actually have a say in whether or not you should try for another baby? You say that 'you chose him...' Where was his choice? He is saying all the right things to you but maybe he feels that you have coerced him..

Bella1985 · 08/12/2016 16:31

It's good that you've already spoken about your options and he wants you to be a family. Perhaps he really is just worried about MC again, my DH tends to internalise his worries rather than discuss them with me, which can make him seem withdrawn.

Original poster

Lizziedoll · 08/12/2016 16:46

We were trying for another baby and weren't using protection! What kind of woman gets pregnant behind her partners consent?! I feel insulted

OP posts:

Original poster

Lizziedoll · 08/12/2016 16:47

*without

OP posts:

PollytheDolly · 08/12/2016 16:56

He has retreated to his man cave to process everything is my guess.

Don't keep asking him. Leave him be and get on with things...that'll soon draw him out.

As for cold turkey coming off ADs is not helping your state of mind obviously but you have much to look forward to. Keep positive...it's catching you know

kath1987 · 10/12/2016 21:11

Bit passive aggressive there Twitterqueen1.
OP....men aren't known for handling emotions very well. I would hazard a guess that he feels frightened the same thing will occur.....I know my partner is the same. As for going cold turkey....bad idea. I did that with my first child and was awful, with this one I've slowly weaned myself off imipramine (for depression and anxiety) and it's really made the difference

MouseLove · 10/12/2016 21:26

Tell him you love him. Reassure him he will be an amazing dad and say you're so lucky to be starting this journey with him. It sounds like you're asking all the wrong questions and it's freaking him out. He's probably scared just as much as you about another miscarriage, scared for your health too. Don't underestimate him. He lost that baby too.

Sending hugs. X

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