Hello all
I want to share my experience in the hope that it may inspire or help another fellow woman going through similar situation.
I found out I was pregnant with baby number 3 just under 2 weeks ago - it was a big surprise but one that put a smile on my face when I saw the additional line on the test. I shared the news with DH who was happy but anxious - how are we going to afford another kid? Will we manage to pay the mortgage? Will the kids be ok?
I told my mum about the pregnancy - she told me in not so many words "Get Rid of It!". I found myself agreeing with her - confused, teary, sleep deprived and anxious I just wanted someone's support.
All of those worries mixed with pregnancy hormones and served with a portion of reality check made us consider termination. I booked the appointment to give me a chance to go and speak to a counsellor - every night for a week we stayed up past 2am to discuss and in the meantime my pregnancy symptom started to kick in. Nausea, sore breasts, sensitivity to smell little pot belly - this baby is growing and I've booked to get rid of it next week.
Upon advice from the counsellor I went to speak to my GP who explained the procedure. Harrowing description - only one sentence from my 20 min chat with her resonated in my mind.... "This is Your Body - your integrity, your belief and mind.... make the decision for you not for anybody else"
I kept talking to DH who was unable to tell me what to do for fear of upsetting me - in a way he has left the decision to me knowing that deep down I would make the right one. In the meantime my mum came to visit talking about he appointment next week as if I'm going to get a mole removed. Matter of fact, cold, calculated..... I was disgusted in myself for agreeing with her for fear of an argument.
Then my mum left.
I was left alone in the house with my 2 (well 3) precious children. Looking at my son and my daughter playing together in the living room I started thinking - this could be either one of you! I suddenly felt a rush of what I can only describe as the love only a Mum can experience for her unborn baby - This is MY BABY!! Nobody can tell me what to do to my body, nobody can tell me it will ok, nobody can tell me if I'm making the right decision.... only I can.
With my heart in my mouth I waited for my kids to go to bed last night and I talked to DH in a way I have never talked to him before - I was telling him what I wanted! For the first time since this all process begun I talked to him from my prospective and not from the prospective of everybody else. He had profound respect for me - he wanted to know how I was feeling and to my surprise we finally agreed on something...
We are parents and nurturers before anything else.
Termination might be the right choice for another family but not for us. We cannot live with it - we will find a way to make it work and for the first time since testing positive almost 2 weeks ago I found myself looking forward to it - I Googled the NHS Due Date calculator........... 22nd July 2017 .... we have a date!
Just over a year ago I lost my 
granddad - the man was my hero, my inspiration and my mentor. The loss has been so great that as soon as I found out I was pregnant I changed my computer laptop password to his name "William" .... I told that to DH who then passed me his laptop only to find out he had done exactly he same thing. Deep down we've always known the answer - we were just too scared and overwhelmed.
To anyone going through something similar - follow your heart. Don't be influenced by other people - this is your body, your baby your mind. I'm pro choice and I feel blessed to live in a country that grants women freedom to choose what to do with their lives but don't let other people make that choice for you. In the end you may find that the answer was right in front of you - just needed a bit of time to find it.