HUSBAND WITH NO SEXUAL DESIRE

[OHBOY]

I AM 8 MONTHS PREG AND MY HUSBAND HASN'T TOUCHED ME IT MONTHS. WE HAD AN ACTIVE SEX LIFE BEFORE I BECAME PREG. FOR THE FIRST 3 MONTHS OF THE PREGNANCY IT HAD SLOWED DOWN BUT WE WERE AT LEAST ACTIVE ONCE A WEEK THEN ONCE I STARTED SHOWING IT WAS OVER. WHEN I ASKED HIM WHAT HIS FEELING WERE HE SAID "ITS WEIRD TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU" I UNDERSTAND ITS DIFFERENT HAVING A BELLY AND ALL PLUS KNOWING OUR CHILD IS IN UTERO BUT COME ON CUT ME A LITTLE SLACK HERE. WHENEVER I BRING IT UP HE GETS EMBARRASSED AND ALL DEFENSIVE. ITS MY BODY HE IS NOT ATTRACTIVE TO BECAUSE NOT ONCE DID HE SAY WHAT I USUALLY HERE FROM MEN THAT THEY ARE AFRAID THEY WILL HURT THE BABY. IF THAT WAS THE CASE THEN I WOULD HAVE THE DOCTOR EXPLAIN TO HIM THAT HE WON?T HURT THE BABY AND THEN WE WILL BE ACTIVE AGAIN (BUT WHO KNOWS IF HE WOULD HAVE A DIFFERENT EXCUSE) I FEEL BAD WHICH I SHOULDN'T. WHY SHOULD I FEEL BAD FOR HIM. I AM SEXUALLY FRUSTRATED RIGHT NOW, IF ANYTHING I FEEL BAD FOR MYSELF. MY HUSBAND IS THE TYPE THAT IF I DON'T SAY EVERYTHING I NEED TO IN ONCE SENTENCE THEN HE INTERRUPTS AND WALKS AWAY. THERE IS SO MUCH FOR ME TO SAY BUT I DON'T KNOW HOW TO APPROACH HIM IN SUCH FEW WORDS. I WANT TO BRING IT UP TO HIM NOW BECAUSE I AM AFRAID THIS WILL CONTINUE AFTER THE BABY IS BORN. THEN I WILL HAVE A REAL PROBLEM.

DOES ANYONE HAVE THE SAME PROBLEM AS ME.? USUALLY IT?S THE PREG WOMEN WHO HAS NO DESIRE. GO FIGURE!!!!

SOMEONE, ANYONE, PLEASE HELP

Maybe you could just seduce him when he is vulnerable - a bit drunk, half asleep, first thing in the morning or whatever (perhaps from the position where you bump won't be showing), and then once he realises it is still a fabulous experience then he will get over his little hang up. Maybe he will be able to talk about his feelings better afterwards. Sorry I couldn't be more help.

maybe he does think he may hurt the baby but is too embarrassed to say so. plus depending on how big you have gotten since becoming pregnant, it is a lot more difficult and he may think this might be a problem. but im just guessing

Hi Ohboy
This happened to me too, but a bit later in the pregnancy. I did try to bring it up once but he just didn't want to talk about it (in a kind of nice way).
It all sorted itself out after the baby was born. I think some men just find preg women unattractive sexually and although it is upsetting at a time when you feel v. vulnerable, in my experience, it sorts itself out afterwards, so try not to worry about it too much.

My Hubby and me didnt have sex hardly at all during my pregnancies (I didnt mind at all!) He used to think it weird for men to find PG women attractive. Wy dont you try and do "other things" that would get him in the mood - it may then lead to sex .... or if not you may feel that you were having some kind of sex life???

I THINK ABOUT SEDUCING HIM EVERY DAY...I AM AFRAID THAT HE WILL REJECT ME AND THEN I WILL REALLY FEEL LIKE SH*T. I AGREE AND SEE HOW MY HUSBAND DEFINITELY DOESN'T FIND PREGNANT WOMEN SEXUALLY ATTRACTIVE BUT WHAT GETS ME THE MOST IS THAT I MISS THE INTIMACY PART OF IT ALL. I DON'T WANT TO EVER LOOSE THAT. I AM AFRAID THAT ITS GOING TO DIE OUT.

THANK YOU ALL. I AM SORRY TO SAY THIS BUT I AM A LITTLE HAPPY THAT I AM NOT ALONE.

my dh was the same as this. He said it felt too wierd making love to me with our baby there!! To put your mind at rest this didnt carry on after ds was born, so dont worry

Ohboy, wouldnt it be a nice change to have one of those husbands who like to cuddle up to the bump, read to it, tell it about his day (just so baby can hear his voice) and want to feel as soon as the baby kicked!!

OHBOY, my DH was the same when I was pregnant the first time. The second time was completely different. I don't know why. I think that lots of men are scared of hurting the baby. I don't think it's cos he's not attracted to you. It's something else, but I'm not sure what. Please don't feel badly. I felt the same way first time around, but I realized later that it wasn't really a negative thing - it doesn't mean he doesn't love you or that he's not attracted to you. Hang in there!

Is he still up for cuddles etc or is he avoiding all physical contact? There's no need to lose your physical closeness just because he doesn't fancy sex. Don't worry too much - as others have said it will go back to normal afterwards but not immediately (you probably won't fancy it for a while) and you do have to start to fit it in around the demands of your new little family member .

Ohboy,

Maybe your DH sees you as a mummy at the moment and to him, mummies aren't all that sexy. I'm not saying he doesn't find you attractive, he just doesn't want to do it with a mummy? Just a thought. I hope you can rebuild your intimacy, even if sex doesn't come until after baby is born, hold on in there! Men are odd creatures

OB my DP is the same once the bump started showing he isn't interested at all in sex but we still kiss, cuddle and he's always touching and rubbing the bump (sometimes too much I'm like go away leave me alone). We've talked about it and while it's not ideal we're both kind of fine with it now. He loves bumps but not in a sexual way. I think it's fairly common to be honest, hopefully things will get back to normal afterwards.

my DH was exactly the same with my first pregnancy. he said he just didn't know what to expect and the thought of fatherhood scared the life out of him. He was worried about hurting the baby as well (after a lot of probing i found this out) Susequent pregnancies were completely different though and he used to talk to my bump all the time, and found my bump really feminine and attractive, and couldn't keep his hands off me. TBH, 3rd time around, it p*ssed me off cos I was so knackered!! I would have loved for him to leave me alone!!

have you told him exactly how you feel? and that his rejection makes you feel the way it does? sometimes blokes just need a kick in the right direction. You never know, he might be assuming that you are too tired to have sex.

I think you maybe right BB my DP says he doesn't feel right approaching me when I'm struggling to get off the sofa. moaning about backache, heartburn, being tired etc. I've got mild SPD as well so I think he might be afraid it would hurt me.

HEY THANK YOU ALL SOOOOOOOOO MUCH.. YOU ALL HELPED ME THINK OF ALL THE DIFFERENT SENAREOS AND REASONS WHY THIS HAPPENS. I KNOW THIS ISN'T THE WORST THING IN THE WORLD BUT IT WAS SOMETHING THAT WAS BOTHERING ME TO NO END AND I WAS AFRAID THAT MY MIND WOULD WONDER INTO A DANGER ZONE LIKE IF HE WAS CHEATING ON ME..(EEK)..I AM GOING TO TALK TO HIM TONIGHT. LAST NIGHT WE WERE LYING IN BED SNUGGLING WHICH IS NICE BUT IT JUST IS NOT SATISFYING ME. AM I BEING SELFISH NOW?

TESSIEBEAR, YOU HAD MY HYSTERICAL LAUGHING, WITH YOUR POST, 1ST WHENEVER I READ TO THE BABY MY HUSBAND LOOKS AT ME LIKE I AM CRAZY, 2ND IF I WANTED SOMEONE TO CUDDLY UP, READ OR TALK TO THE BABY I WOULD OF BEEN ARTIFICIALLY INSEMINATED AND MARRIED TO ANOTHER WOMEN (CAUSE WE ALL UNDERSTAND)

BIBIBOO, I THINK YOU ARE RIGHT ESPECIALLY BECAUSE HE IS VERY CLOSE WITH HIS MOTHER. I COULD SEE HIM SEEING ME AS A MOTHER AND NO IF YOU SAY IT AND THINK ABOUT IT MOTHERS ARE NOT SEXY AT ALL. AND YES, MEN ARE VERY VERY ODD CREATURES..AND JUST THINK WE LOVE THEN ANYWAY.

HA HA SWEETKITTY..IT?S SO TRUE AND HE MENTIONED THAT TO ME A WHILE BACK. WHEN I COMPLAIN OF MY HEARTBURN OR FEELING NAUSEAS OR MY HEAD HURTS..WHAT DO I EXPECT HIM TO THINK, OBVIOUSLY THAT I WANT TO BE LEFT ALONE.. BUT I HAVEN?T COMPLAINED TO HIM ABOUT ANYTHING SIMPLY BECAUSE OF THAT.. AND IT STILL DIDN?T WORK..

I JUST THINK THAT I AM HARPING OVER THIS WAY TO MUCH?THROWING IT WAY OUT OF PROPORTION. BUT I CAN?T HELP IT?.DAM THESE HORMONES

Glad to hear you sounding a bit more positive about it now. Let us know how you get on
x

My dh always thought that three was a crowd and he had no desire at all. It hasn't returned six months after giving birth.

FLIP, I AM SORRY..THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT I AM WORRIED ABOUT HAPPENING...IS IT MUTUAL (SOMETIMES IT IS) OR IS IT HIM? DID YOU SPEAK TO HIM ABOUT IT AFTER THE BABY WAS BORN??

OB - my DH was exactly the same when pg first time. It is better this time but unfortunately he is not one of these men who find pg women irresistably sexy (I wish, would go so much better with my hormones).

It took us a while after the birth to get back to a sex life - I was very tired and not remotely interested. We talked about it and made a concerted effort to get back on track. Getting a babysitter (and enough sleep) did it for us.

I'm sure it's not a permanent thing. Maybe if you explain (as fast and concisely as poss) that you still need cuddles even if sex is off the menu...?

My DH wanted to sex thru the 1st pregnancy, but we couldn't as I had a low lying placenta and was advised to not have sex, so we pleasured each other in other ways.

This time, I am only 14 weeks, but DH himself decided to wait till about now, as I m/c'd last time, and he blames himself a bit as we were like rabbits. So he is now frustracted, but that will change, he is one of the few who still finds me attractive even with a bump, cause it means he get to be a lazy sh*t as me on top is one of the better positions, or dog, done very gently, again great for him. Also, I have HUGE boobs, which whilst there is no milk he is making the most of, in his words FANTASTIC.

There are som many men out there who find preg women attractive, I have some male colleagues who would just love to.

Try to speak to him and suggest gently positions like on top, or spoons or doggie, where he cant see the bump.

We waited till six months after as I had an episitomy, then the bloody condom broke and I had to go to the Doc's and be told off by the w*nker of a Doc like I was a teenager, so I had a go back saying we used condoms, but it spilt and I'm having the coil next week, he soon shut up. Just out bloody luck tho