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Original poster

Would you tell if you were me?

25 replies

anotherBadAvatar · 01/11/2016 20:46

I am 12 weeks today, and have a big family event that I am thinking of telling people at this weekend.

I have already had 2 scans this pregnancy due to bleeding (at 8 and 10 weeks) and all was thankfully ok at these points. No more bleeding since the 10 week scan.

My official dating scan is at 13 1/2 weeks (next week), so would you wait, or tell this weekend? I dread getting to the scan next week and being told that something has happened, and having to go round and tell all the extended family the bad news.

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QueenOfTheNaps · 01/11/2016 20:50

Firstly, congratulations! I would tell... i wouldn't be able to help myself SmileFlowers

finova · 01/11/2016 20:52

I'd get a private scan before this weekend if poss.

Original poster
anotherBadAvatar · 01/11/2016 21:08

No chance of private scan before the weekend, I've got 3 X 12hr shifts between me and Saturday!

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PotteringAlong · 01/11/2016 21:10

I would tell. You've already had 2 scans.

MoonlightMojitos · 01/11/2016 21:15

I read that if there is a heartbeat at a scan at 8 weeks then the chance of miscarriage drops to as low as gets anyway, no matter how much further on you get the chances don't change so seeing as you've had 2 I would tell and enjoy the excitement :)

hoddtastic · 01/11/2016 21:17

as long as it's not someones wedding/christening... you'll be forever known as a thunder stealing witch... :D

congratulations

Original poster
anotherBadAvatar · 01/11/2016 21:30

Family birthday- I'm not so unkind as all that! It's even not that big of a birthday, just all the family will make it there for once, since we are all usually quite scattered across the country.

I just hear lots of stories on here about people who get to their 12 week scan and find out the baby stopped growing at 10weeks.

Have had one pregnancy plagued by bleeds all the way through and all the anxiety that caused, as well an a ruptured ectopic, so I think I'm just a bit more jittery than most.

OP posts:
yeOldeTrout · 01/11/2016 21:32

not if I was you, because you are feeling jittery. Just leave it a few more weeks.

Onenerfwarfrombreakdown · 01/11/2016 21:48

I would wait, but I've had 2 miscarriages so my viewpoint is probably a little skewed.
With DS I only told my Mum and Dad early, everyone else was told around the 15-16 week mark when I felt confident enough that things were going ok.

LHilton4981 · 01/11/2016 22:08

I'm having my first & we told everyone at a family get together we had just a week before our 12 week scan Smile I couldn't wait!! X

SleepFreeZone · 01/11/2016 22:10

I had a good scan at 7 weeks and a MMC at 12. So personally I'd wait. Congratulations 💐

Icapturethecast1e · 01/11/2016 22:12

No I wouldn't. In fact I wouldn't tell anyone until it was hard to hide.

Womble75 · 01/11/2016 22:16

I'd wait. After having 4 mc's, one actually at my 12 week scan, I'd definately wait but that's me. Currently 19 weeks but only started telling people the past few weeks as its kind of obvious!

PurpleDaisies · 01/11/2016 22:18

Whose birthday is it? Any chance they'll be on here starting a thread about feeling upstaged?

Original poster
anotherBadAvatar · 02/11/2016 08:28

It's my mums birthday and she already knows and is desperate to let everyone else know anyway. I'm already starting to show and someone at work has already asked if I was pregnant. I just gave a tinkly laugh to them!

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Saku · 02/11/2016 09:00

As you asked...If I were you.... I wont tell.... sorry no explaination

Scribblegirl · 02/11/2016 09:03

Ah until you said it was your mums birthday I got all excited, all my extended family are coming for my dad's birthday this weekend and I wondered if you were one of my cousins!! Grin

I think I'd tell OP. In the very worst case scenario, realistically, your mum or one other member of the family could disseminate the info for you. I think it would be a lovely thing to announce when you're all together, as long as you feel happy to.

SeventeenRainbeaus · 02/11/2016 12:49

Personally I would say. I didn't tell anyone in my previous pregnancy because it wasn't planned and had told everyone I wasn't having anymore (didn't want the 'I told you so' crap) and because I had bleeds. I ended up mc'ing at 11/12 weeks without anyone knowing, not even my mum. It was Christmas Eve and I had to pretend nothing had happened when we visited my mum's. I eventually broke down on Boxing day and told my mum and sisters that I had lost a baby without them knowing. I wished after that that we had said there was a baby. Loose Women were talking about it. You're invested in that baby as soon as you get a positive and if no one else knows they don't know any different. And you get the 'you can try again' comments like the baby meant nothing in the first place and is easily replaced. It's a baby to you right now.

But even if nothing happens don't stop yourself from telling people if you want for fear of something happening.

SeventeenRainbeaus · 02/11/2016 12:54

Btw I'm 28 weeks with a 3rd pregnancy 10 months after that and expecting another boy. Smile

BeardMinge · 02/11/2016 15:02

I just hear lots of stories on here about people who get to their 12 week scan and find out the baby stopped growing at 10 weeks.

Yeah, but that's presumably because you're hanging out on mumsnet. Far far more people have completely trouble free scans, it's just that they don't bother posting about them!

If you hadn't had any scans to date I'd probably say err on the side of caution, but in your case I would tell everyone (and I speak as one of the unfortunates who did have a mmc and had told her mum & dad two days earlier).

Original poster
anotherBadAvatar · 02/11/2016 15:46

If I hadn't had an ok scan at 10werks I wouldn't even be entertaining the idea.

There'll be lots of eyebrows raised if I don't manage to hide my ginless tonics well, and everyone will guess. TBH, the amount I'm showing will start to give me away. Just this afternoon someone else at work asked if I was considering taking a year off next year....

To top it all off, I got some more spotting this afternoon. Sigh. I hate this constant knicker watch I've been on since I got my BFP.

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Original poster
anotherBadAvatar · 02/11/2016 15:47

Congratulations seventeen Flowers

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oatybiscuits · 02/11/2016 16:06

Congratulations! I would tell, a 10 week scan gives you exceptional odds. But also when I had a mc I didn't see the point in hiding it so I guess it depends how you feel about that as well. Some people wait until they have their nuchal results back so that's worth considering.
There's no rule about it; you're not being imprudent to announce early. I didn't purely because I didn't want to deal with telling work if I was going to have another mc but personally I couldn't have kept my mc a secret, I was a mess.

SeventeenRainbeaus · 03/11/2016 16:39

Thank you, another. It's not an easy decision. I was also 'knicker watching' at the start of this pregnancy but has eased the further along I've got. It literally is a waiting game. I wish you the best.

haveacupoftea · 03/11/2016 19:30

I would tell, but thats me and my personality. So its whatever is right for you. But I don't see the need to keep miscarriage as a secret. If it happens I want support, I want my grief to be acknowledged.

And for every woman with a MMC there are hundreds, if not thousands who have had a live birth.

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