Sensitive topic - paranoid about the baby

[RedCrab]

I just can't shake this feeling that all is not well. I hate this period. I'm 17+5. All scans and checks so far have been fine. I felt a few flutterings a couple of weeks ago but this is my third baby, I know it's a little early. This no man's land between the euphoria of the all clear on the 12 week scan, and the regularity and reassurance of later movement. With my first baby, I don't remember being worried - just the assumption all was fine. Second baby, slightly more anxious. This baby - I have a bump, I still feel sick, I just can't shake this feeling like "are you ok in there? Are you growing ok? Are you still alive??"

I don't know what's wrong with me. How would you know if the baby has died? Would you bleed or would you just find out at the next scan or check? Sorry, I know this is super sensitive. My next scan isn't until 22 weeks - four weeks away. I suppose in that time I should be feeling a lot more movement so I guess it's just a waiting game.

I am very similar in the way I feel. I'm 19 weeks and feeling flutters but nor regular strong movements yet. This is am IVF pregnancy (my first) which has taken 4+ years and 4 rounds of IVF to achieve, started out as twins and lost one at 9 weeks followed by a terrible wait to see if I would also miscarry the healthy baby. I have a day or two calm after each scan (I've had loads) and then increasing worry getting to panic stages at points that something is wrong. I have -tried- to assume that in the absence of anything to indicate there is a problem, that everything is ok. It is very very hard though. No other advice really, but wish I had had a lovely first pregnancy where I was naive and happy

You are not alone. I'm having my 12 week scan tomorrow and I'm petrified. I know that even if everything is OK tomorrow it'll only be a matter of a week or two before the paranoia builds again.

I have previously had a miscarriage though so I know from where my worry-wart state stems!

For me, distraction is the only answer. When I'm busy and having a nice time with friends I'm absolutely fine but if I'm sitting around doing nothing I can't stop thinking about the pregnancy.

I think if you're feeling flutters (which is possible at 17 weeks when its not your first pregnancy) you should allow that to reassure you.

Have you had your 16 week midwife appointment OP? Did you hear the heartbeat? (I know it's not always possible at 16 weeks so not all midwives offer it).

My daughter was the same as you with her first baby. She was reassured after appointments but the worry started again soon after. She had an anterior placenta which didn't help, as she didn't feel the baby until around 22 weeks. She had quite a few scans in the 3rd trimester due to reduced movement. Each time baby was jumping around like crazy, she just couldn't feel it.

Try not to worry, your little one is probably snuggled up comfortable. Do ring your midwife though and tell her your worries. They may offer you an appointment to reassure you.

If you can afford to you could go and have a private scan?

I was the same throughout the time between the 12 wk and 20 wk scan, especially as I didn't really feel movements until later on and this is IVF baby after years of trying etc.

I just booked myself in for a scan at a local clinic one week as the worry was just too much and DH said to just go to put my mind at rest. Of course the worry did come back again but it gave me a period of peace and less stress and got me through the 12-20 wk void.

You're not alone RedCrab. I am 16 + 3 and I feel exactly the same.

It's my third and I never worried in my first or second pregnancy, in fact it didn't even occur to me that something could go wrong. However, after having a MMC in June (and being 42!!) I am very anxious this time.

I had a great 12 week scan, the sonographer thought everything looked great and last week I had a few flutterings but nothing this week. I have an anterior placenta so am trying not to worry (obviously I have googled this like crazy!!) as it would be normal not to feel movements at this stage because of this.

I personally don't think it's helpful for me to go for extra scans as I am the kind of person who would be reassured for about 3 days and then I would start worrying again!

I've just been for a long swim so I'm hoping it's woken the little person up!

I think we all have the same sense of anxiety and fear. I am now 18+1 and about 2 weeks to go for my scan.
Had a MC before and thus the reason for being anxious. Wanted to head to a private scan but decided to trust my body. I guess I had to keep getting assurances from friends etc. It's tough.
We all tend to imagine the worst. Try to distract yourself and perhaps go for pregnancy yoga classes as I find that it helps!

Thanks everyone. It's so silly. Well it is and it isn't. Most of my friends seem more anxious on their subsequent pregnancies. Though MrsChris I'm sorry you've never gotten to experience a blissfully naive pregnancy

It's not silly. It's your child. The worry only lasts for the rest of your life. I have struggled with this pregnancy following a mmc. I also struggle with worrying about my 5 year old dd too not just the baby I'm carrying so completely get where you are coming from.

Im 33 weeks and still feel like this, I worry something will go wrong even though I'm close to having her. Ive taken to just having extra midwife appointments when I'm worried. I'll be really glad when she arrives safely x

Oh OP. You sound so much like I did in my 3rd and 4th pregnancies. I was blissfully ignorant of what can go wrong with my first. And my second was a MMC found at a 12 week scan. Between my first and 3rd pregnancies 3 friends had still births, and several more had MC's. And a couple had babies or older children diagnosed with SEN. And my first pregnancy actually should, with hindsight been treated as high risk.

There was nothing. Nothing. NOTHING that could settle my mind. DC2 came early because things were going wrong. DC3 early because I was doing my nut with anxiety and the consultant suggested it at 37 weeks. With both pregnancies I had lots of extra scans from the start, including at 16 weeks, 20 weeks and then at least every 2-4 weeks from there. DC3 pregnancy was slightly easier. Mostly because I actually had a named midwife who returned my calls (sometimes only with a text or email). She also met me at maternity triage a couple of times when I'd gone in anxious. She got me transferred to a different consultant when I was unhappy with the previous one and made sure I didn't get the same anaesthetist who made the delivery of my 2nd so much harder than necessarily.

Ugh. That got long. Point is, extra scans reassured me only while the scanner was on me. Having named, responsive, professional support helped big time. That was only available because I asked for it. Third time round you know what you are doing. Don't be fobbed off when you know you need support.

I felt the same on my last pregnancy as I was told I should feel the baby move earlier than normal due to previous pregnancies. I couldn't differentiate between gas & baby flutterings. Got veryfrustrating & anxious about it. Eventually sorted itself out but was paranoid about it throughout the rest of pregnancy.

Oh icapture stuff like that is so annoying and unnecessary! My friend told me she felt her daughter from 13 weeks and then proceeded to ask me daily if I'd felt anything yet. Really helpful given all the issues I've had and how paranoid I am....and probably total bollocks as well!