Think I might be pregnant, but I've been on the pill with no mishaps?

[CherryCokeFairy]

Hi,

We are in panic stations right now. I think I'm pregnant. The pregnancy test line is faint, but constant on all 3 tests I have done. I don't have kids yet and we were planning on waiting until we had bought our house and had a small wedding, not because we are religious just because I refuse to have a different name to my kiddy (and of course because I want to be married).

I'll be blunt here, abortion was brought up when I told my partner. But now I'm worrying if I could even go through with it. I miscarried about 7/8 years ago when i was still quite young and the thought of willingly aborting another baby tears me apart. BUT I don't want to force my partner into something that he isn't ready for yet.

We are currently in the middle of buying our house and that should be done within weeks, but he is concerned that that means we will only have a limited amount of time to save for a baby, and a wedding (nothing flash!). I told him not to worry about a wedding as this is not ideal.... but hell. I don't know what to do.

Anyone else been in a similar situation or able to give me some words of advice?

(sorry I haven't used any abbreviations, I feel like i'm breaking an unspoken law here lol)

The 'problems' that you are describing are easily managed.
I'm pro choice. Your decision is your decision and you don't need to explain your reasons got any choices your make.

You have 9m to save for a baby/mat leave. Hold the wedding or get married soon in a registry office.
You should continue with the house purchase 100% and you and dh will need to cut back on luxuries etc for the foreseeable

Your dp sounds like he is really panicking.
Somehow everything has a way of working out. I hope your OK op and your dp is being supportive

I would consider a no frills, even secret wedding now with scope for a bigger celebration further down the line. If you don't work you are vulnerable.

The car is sortable. You may find family more supportive than you thought. I wasn't short of money but ended up having stacks of clothes, playmat, cot etc from a friend who'd finished her family. Maybe wait until you're ready to announce, then ask on FB if anyone has any baby things in need of a new home. Lots of people are delighted to offload.

Babies cost very little in first year, you've ages to save for it. If you're breastfeeding (woohoo!) you save about €10 (I'm in Ireland) or more a week, not to mention not needing bottles, steriliser, etc. If you didn't want to get a travel system or buggy right away buy a stretchy wrap sling, perfect for first weeks/months and about €60-80 here new, can get loads second hand too.

Put baby in front seat if you can turn off the passenger airbags and leave dogs in back, but surely their harnesses aren't permanent in car?

Congratulations! Tbh most men think they aren't ready, he'll cope! You say you don't want to make him an unwilling father, but it's not you doing it. He had sex, even with precautions sex can always lead to pregnancy, if he was that set on not having a baby yet he shouldn't have had sex! So it's as much his responsibility as it is yours.

I fell pg with DS at 24, after 6m with DH. We were in a rented flat and unmarried. I definitely had doubts but he had none at all and convinced me to go ahead. I am so, SO glad that he did.

We got our shit together, bought a house and married when baby was 8m. He had DH's surname from the outset. A month later we found I was expecting DD - again a total surprise, but a happy one.

You will be fine, honestly. Very best of luck!

(P.S. both my DC were conceived while taking the pill. I have a mirena now!)

This is life cherrycokefairy we all come up against sometimes reluctant partners, cars failing MOT, being skint etc but we all muddle through somehow. I have 3 dogs, am unmarried to my DP and will only get SMP that will nowhere near cover my outgoings. We will make it work, there's no other choice - but if I put it all on a spreadsheet I think I would totally despair.

Congratulations on your pregnancy, stay positive and perhaps start putting a line on the Lotto

I got pregnant through a pill mishap 6/7months into a relationship with my now fiancé. We did t talk of it for a week, he mentioned a termination and I blew him down. We were supposed to be saving for a house aswell, although DP already on housing ladder.
We saved throughout pregnancy, worked out finances, bought everything new and we were absolutely fine. DP was 37 at the time and still felt he wasn't ready 🤔 There is always something.

Of course, thank you! (you're the very first lol)

fingers crossed this all works out. Got a doctors appointment on Wednesday. If you've miscarried before do they do anything differently?

Yes of course, Thank you! (you're the very first lol)

I'm hopefully going to the doctors on Wednesday to talk to them about a few things (mainly about some hospital treatments I have as any side effects, also what happens next kinda thing lol)

Still need to sit down properly and talk things through with my partner but I don't really feel like we have any other option. I can't have an abortion. This baby would mean so much to me (trying not to get too worked up at this stage as I have miscarried before so still in the mindset of this is happening in the future not now...)

Congratulations.

Forget everything else for a moment. This baby is a blessing. As someone who is TTC and would give everything to be in your position I say take this small miracle and start your family... in your new home. All the rest like a marriage or whatever isn't important. You need the support of your partner though and the talk of abortion is very worrying for me, something like that shouldn't be discussed when you've just found out, especially if you both want kiddies eventually and love one another? I think you'll do just fine.

Well let me be the next person to say congratulations!

All the things you're mentioning (car, dogs etc) are small matters compared to bringing a child into the world - you'll cope!

I hope your DP comes round! Mine did very quickly - once he came up with a plan as to a few practicalities he got very excited. Now I really feel I couldn't ask for a better support and ally throughout the pregnancy and I can't wait to see him with our baby girl when she comes!

Sadly miscarriages are very common so you're not unusual to have been through that experience but the good news is that for most people a miscarriage doesn't suggest anything is more likely to go wrong in subsequent pregnancies. Don't think they'll do anything differently at this stage.

Hope all goes well!