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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

pregnancy hormone hell or husband from hell!!!!!!!

15 replies

ruthie21 · 08/02/2007 10:30

hello to anyone reading and please feel free to tell me to stop being silly or give me some much needed advice.
sorry in advance if this post is really long but i feel that if i give you as much background as pos then you can give me a more informed opinion cause i am driving myself nuts!
i met my dh two years ago and we did the deed (one night stand) i honestly though that would be that but he was really keen to see me again.
we met several times after that for dates on our first date he admitted that he was still in a relationship with someone although it was pratically over. i ended it there and then telling him to call if and when he was truly single.
didn't speak or hear from him for ove 6 months, then bumped into him at a local bar we got chatting and he said that relationship was well over (5 months previously). we started seeing each other again and talked alot about what had happened with us and the fact that he cheated with me on his ex. he had done a lot of soul searching and oi truly believed that cheating was not something ho genuinly did or would do again.
we married in october and i am expecting our baby in a week or so's time. we have been very happy and i could'nt wish for a more attentive and loving husband.
he has always worked in the bar industry and has many female friends mostly i don't have a problem with this but!!!!!!!!!
a new girl at work seems to have made dh her best friend with dh returning the feeling.
he has been honest (i think) about the friendship she's going through tough time ect but two days ago i broke my own golden rule and looked through his txt messages and found him wishing her sweet dreams signned with kisses.
confronted dh and he took me through all txts explaing she has had an arguement with someone at work and he was making sure she was okay.
believed dh but still felt uncomfortable with the sweet dreams and kisses.
just looked at dh phone and saw more messages to her saying things like iam always here for you and friends will do anything for each other.
not sure if i think anything is or will happen but i am really upset that he would even have this level of friendship with another female.
don't knoe whether to confront dh or not as he already has me down as jealous and insecure,
please if you have read this far give me your opinion.

many thanks x

OP posts:

dejags · 08/02/2007 10:45

I don't want to sound negative and am certainly not suggesting anything has happened between your DH and this women.

However, I think this type of behaviour is inappropriate considering your DH is married and you are imminently due to become parents together.

I think you should ask him how it would feel if the boot were on the other foot.

Mumpbump · 08/02/2007 10:55

Don't think you should jump to conclusions, but I used to say to dh when I was pg things along the line of "I am getting large, we aren't having sex as often and there are lots of attractive women out there. So do you understand that I might be feeling in need of a little extra reassurance and attention."

I do think messages like this are inappropriate, but personally, I would take the softly, softly approach, give him a chance to give you extra attention and see what happens...

Original poster

ruthie21 · 08/02/2007 11:00

thanks guys really unsure as to say anything though because it was all blamed on hormones when i raised it the other day,
i would have to confess to going down his phone again!
it is nice to know that iam not over reacting and that his messages to her are innappropriate though.

OP posts:

mylittlestar · 08/02/2007 11:01

Totally agree with Mumpbump - the messages are inappropriate (especially as you are due to give birth at any point) and perhaps you need to really spell it out to him (without being too confrontational).

It's not about being jealous and insecure - it's about needing his love and attention 100% at this moment in time and IMO all of his energy should be fully focussed on you and the baby right now. If his relationship with this girl is making you feel uncomfortable then you have every right to speak to him about it and help him understand why.

mylittlestar · 08/02/2007 11:03

p.s. he does sound like a genuinely nice and loving bloke and probably has no idea how the messages make you feel. Hormones or not, I think a lot of women would feel like you do.

So with the added complication of the hormones... there's even more reason for him not to keep doing it!!

DivaSkyChick · 08/02/2007 13:50

Maybe you should suggest your husband invite her over to have dinner with you both. After all, any friend of DH ought to be a friend of yours, right? She MUST be a wonderful person for him to like her so much, thus he should share her with you.

Be wonderful to her. If she has designs on him, she'll feel so guilty she'll knock it off. As the man said, "keep your friends close and your enemies closer."

Just a thought...

Original poster

ruthie21 · 08/02/2007 15:50

lol at diva like your thinking.
i have met her and she does seem genuinly nice but it all does still at bit wrong iykwim

OP posts:

twelveyeargap · 08/02/2007 15:58

Also like Diva's style!

FWIW, it sounds to me like he's loving the attention he's getting from this woman. He probably doesn't intend to take it further - though you've no way of knowing her intentions.

As someone who has been at the other end of this kind of situation (the "wrong kind of attention seeking" one), I know it can happen and I also know it can be "innocent". Well, innocent in the sense that you don't intend to cheat, iyswim.

It is still inappropriate and hurtful behaviour though and from your husband's point of view, I would be really miffed at the snooping. Not that that excuses any of it, you understand.

Perhaps you can tell him in a non-confrontational way that it hurts your feelings that he's this close to another woman and like dejags says, tell him that you wouldn't expect him to feel happy if you were texting another man.

twelveyeargap · 08/02/2007 15:59

It's not just your hormones by the way!

hollyandalice · 08/02/2007 16:03

My dp's best friend is a woman! She's great! He tells her he loves her all the time, it's quite sweet actually. I know there's nothing going on because she is like his sister. All you can do is trust your dh and hopefully he won't betray that trust.

twelveyeargap · 08/02/2007 16:43

Do you think an "existing" best friend is a bit different to meeting a new person at work and within a short time be texting her at night time, though?

divastrop · 08/02/2007 16:58

husband from hell.

jabuti · 08/02/2007 17:14

my husband and i have the 'reciprocity' rule, basically is what dejags said, how would he feel if the situation was all the way around?

this is all so personal and subjective, but i would HATE to read something like that on my husband's mobile, and i know he would hate too if it was me. you need to figure out how is that balance between you too.

pregnancy hormones dont help either, i get paranoid. the other day i was asking my husband if he was really looking at someone's cleavage in the tube. oh boy.... he laughed of course.

dueat44 · 08/02/2007 19:23

I thought Diva's plan extremely cunning. His reaction, and their demeanour if she actually turns up, will tell you loads. And the guilt-making REALITY of a very pregnant wife is very different from the abstract concept if she should have 'designs'.

divastrop · 08/02/2007 20:05

i am also pretty pregnant-35 weeks-and i do get very paranoid cos i feel large and unattractive etc,and i have posted a few things on here when ive been thinking my dp's doing bad things...and i have always had a unanimous'its your hormones !!' from fellow mners.

so if i were you i would listen to the wise words that have been posted here.

for me personally,finding a text like that on my dp's phone would be as bad as finding him in bed with somebody else,whether i were preg or not.but thats my opinion.

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