My turn for a paranoid day...

[foundintranslation]

As a lot of you'll know, I'm about 8 weeks pg and so far everything seems to be going marvellously . Now The Fear is beginning to hit me, though...

1. I had 2 mcs in consecutive cycles last summer, as well as one before ds. None of my mcs ever got to the embryo-with-heartbeat stage, while this pg has, so on the one hand it's a big relief, but I've got a voice in my head whispering 'you're not safe yet, you know'.
2. I am bf ds, 21 months. I've read the kellymom site and know bf is not supposed to be implicated in miscarriage, and I haven't been having any noticeable contractions, but it is still a nagging paranoid fear. He feeds in the mornings (in bed) a couple of times, I feed him to sleep for his daytime nap and in the evening, and during the day he'll come and feed for a couple of minutes anything from 1 to 6ish times. I don't want to stop - the plan was always for him to self-wean. I don't have to stop, do I? (He would be distraught )
3. I had one scan Mon two weeks ago and another last Mon (day before yesterday). The one 2 weeks ago put me at 6+2 (just about fits to my dates), the one this week at 8+0 (although beautiful well-developed embryo, heartbeat etc.). That couple of days' difference doesn't matter. Does it? It's surely not that exact a science at this stage?
4. I learned yesterday that a dear friend is pg, approximately a week behind me. Now, the idea that we will be going through it together is, in principle, a lovely one, but she went and said 'wouldn't it be awful if it went wrong for one of us?' and now I've got this ringing in my head She's a few years older than me and has a history of late mc, and I have my mc history, and I can't stop thinking now how awful it would be if... I know I need to get a grip... Aaaaaargh. [big mixture of emoticons]

FIT You'll be fine, and it is normal to have bad paranoid days, I'm there myself. I would have your friends words ringing in my ears too, but it doesn't mean anything will happen to either of you.

On the Bf front I can't help but say, i think ds will be very jealous of newborn if you are still bf that much, it sounds like a comfort habit to me. One bf a day would be enough nutritionally wouldn't it. I know how attatched my ds was to bf, and self weaning wouldn't have happened here. But I don't think it can cause m/c just trying to give you some advice.

Know how you feel. I was feeling super positive until this morning and am now convinced that it is all going to go wrong. I just keep repeating to myself it will be okay, it will be okay. And there was an article that someone posted on the ttc after miscarriage thread which said that the risk of m/c drops dramatically once a heartbeat has been detected so I guess that means that it is unlikely to go wrong for you now. Fingers crossed anyway!!

I can't imagine that bf would increase the chances of m/c, but my doctor did say that it would be a big drain on your body to bf and be growing a baby. But there are people who have done it without any problems. Can you perhaps cut down on the number of bf to give your body a bit of a rest? I think Uki makes a good point that ds might be jealous of the baby being bf.

I wish she had not said that FIT...and given her own sad history, and her knowledge of yours, I honestly cannot understand why she did . I just could not utter that kind of sentiment personally...
Dd, a bouncy heffalump at birth, was scanned more than average during my pregnancy, and she swung wildly from worryingly small for dates back to humungous, up to 20 weeks, when she plumped for humungous.
We are talking tiny little measurements here - look how often they get "weight" scans so hilariously wrong, at term. Sonography is a wonderful thing but it is not a precise science, even though it is presented as such, with all its callibrations and graphs.
We all know how emotionally fraught and scary the first trimester can be. I also know plenty of people who b/f like you through a subsequent, healthy pregnancy.
I am not going to say try not to worry, because I know these are hollow words. Take it a day at a time and be kind to yourself. XXX

Thank you everyone (Marina - I owe you an email - will be in touch)
I think my friend was basically giving voice to her own fears, which is perfectly understandable really, I suppose, given what she's been through, that her pg is quite unexpected and that she'll be having to have a stitch. She quite often doesn't 'think' in situations like this. I couldn't have said it myself.
How far are you, Mumpbump?

6 weeks + 2, I think.

I am going to try to get an early scan like you because I think it will give me some reassurance. I thought I'd ask for a dating scan anyway as I am not sure about dates. At the moment, I'm putting off seeing her until (probably) the end of next week so any scan will be around 8 weeks which will hopefully maximise the chances of picking up a heartbeat. One more week until I see the doctor and then one more week (hopefully) until the scan...

Just trying to take a day at a time, but it is so difficult to stay calm - know exactly how you feel...

How are things MB?

Bit of a cry for help this morning. Over the last few days I've begun to get a horrid creeping feeling that this one is going to go wrong too - despite a lack (viewed rationally) of any kind of worrying signs. I have been crushingly, grindingly tired and felt a whole lot better yesterday, enough to walk all the way down the long steep hill into town and back - I was just happy at first to be feeling better, than in the evening thought 'I'm only 9 weeks, oh sh1t'. Then in bed I had a couple of twinges and (TMI sorry) I've had one or two tiny weeny slightly brownish spots in my CM. I had similar in my pg with ds too, resulting in many panicked trips to the doc, so I know I shouldn't really worry, but in my current state I'm seizing on the 'disaster' explanation. I have a general tendency to plan for the worst case scenario, but atm I'm just not dealing with it very well. If this one does go wrong I suppose I'll be officially a recurrent miscarrier and can't comfort myself any more with the thought that it was 'chance'. Wherever shall I get the courage to try again?
I'm going to have to go in a minute - dh and ds have gone for a walk and it's pouring with rain, so I expect any minute now they'll be back in needing towels and a hot drink - but will be back later.

Foundintranslation. I understand how paranoid you must feel. I am pg too after mc in Nov (you posted on my thread and it really helped thank you)but not even 6 weeks and constantly paranoid.
The fact that there is a heartbeat is a really good sign. As I am sure you know the rate of m/c drops off dramatically once there is a heartbeat.
Symptoms of any kind, or lack of them in my view is no real indicator of a viable pg. Women vary so much with this even from pg to pg. I think the difficulty is once you have had mc you are looking for any sign of bad news and I am sure are naturally disposed to feel the worst is coming. That sence of impending doom is certainly with me constantly and clouds my rational judgement. I have pretty much convinced myself I am going to mc at any moment but I think that part of that is emotional damage limitation in case it does happen. Somehow assuming the worst feels like it will soften the blow.
Perhaps this is what you are doing and in fact your pg is just fine.
I would worry about the recurrent mc scenario only if it happens. At the moment there is no reason why you should not be on target to have a lovely healthy baby.
But in the event of a mc, with it being recurrent lots of tests would be conducted and hopefully treatment offered which would give you a good chance of a viable pg. I know a couple of people in this situation who have gone on to have two children after recurrent miscarriage and subsequent corrective treatment.
Try and stay positive. For now your future looks bright from where I am sitting

Thank you Taichimum, and congratulations I know exactly what you mean about 'sense of impending doom'. Hoping things all go well for you.

FIT

Im 9.2 weeks and because my morning sickness is coming and going now I feel a bit paranoid. However there seem to be a lot of women on the due in Sep thread that this is happening to. I had a missed miscarriage last year (you may remember) and despite the baby dying at 5 weeks, I still got morning sickness so as others have pointed out I don't think the symptoms really tell you much. I think when you start the day feeling negative it's so easy to reinforce it and ignore the postive in any way. I have had some period pain and worry when im not sick-we can't win can we???!! Im glad you saw a hb-me too xxxxxxxxxx Good luck xx

Oh FIT I know exactly what you mean! I had forgotten all the fears I had at the beginning of this PG but reading this has brought it all back.

I had a missed MC in my last pregnancy. They reckoned it had died at 6-8 weeks but I didn't have a scan until 11 weeks. So with this one, I was determined to get scanned early. At 6 weeks they couldn't see a heartbeat and told me to come back at 8. At 8 there was definitely a heartbeat. So I reassured myself with all that statistical stuff about rate of MC declining with a heartbeat. But it was small for dates and I knew exactly when I conceived.

I had my 12 week scan and it was fine so I started to relax a bit. Then at 15 weeks I had a massive bleed which started on a Saturday and A&E doctor said 'it's not your fault if you've miscarried' - no question that was what it was. I had to wait until Monday to be scanned. And the baby was fine - they couldn't explain the bleeding either. I'm now 36 weeks with a huge and healthy baby who is getting ready to come out.

Sorry - that's a bit of a ramble but I suspect if you've had problems or miscarried it's absolutely normal to find it a huge emotional rollercoaster.

Are you sure that DS will self-wean before the new one comes? Can you feed both? If you have to 'bump' him in favour of a brother or sister, he's going to hate it (and them). If I were you I would start the weaning process now.

why can't she feed both?

Don't wean him now. People who talk about toddlers being jealous don't understand tandem feeding IMO (however kindly they mean their advice, and I know it's well-meant on this thread).

Most children self-wean during pregnancy (usually second trimester, IIRC) because hormones make the milk taste different, I think (that was what happened with DS1 - I was just about 5m pg with DS2 when he stopped bfeeding).

No need to upset either yourself or DS by weaning him now. And Uki, that's not a massive amount to be breastfeeding at this age - and what of it if it is "just for comfort" - aren't we meant to provide comfort to our toddlers? Nobody on this earth can tell you exactly how much nutrition he's getting from the feeds, but he will definitely be getting some - there's a page on kellymom that talks about it in more detail - I'll try and find it later.

I know it's hard not to worry, sweetheart - but don't worry about the bfeeding, because it won't do you any harm x x x

FIT, I've got no advice for you, as I've never been in your position. But I couldn't see your thread and not post some {{{{{{[hugs}}}}}}}. I can understand why you are so worried. xxxxx

Just to deal with point 3 - I had lots of early scans with DS (suspected ectopic) and my dates changed 3 times by the time I had my booking scan at 15 weeks, so I really don't think early scans are that accurate that a day or two makes much odds.

Thanks everyone. The plan is, and was always, to feed until ds self-weans (and tandem feed if he doesn't), and logically I know that bf won't cause a mc, but I'm just having a big paranoid wobble atm. I'll be carrying on I enjoy it and I couldn't bear to upset ds.
Feel slightly better this evening. I think some of this is because I at some level didn't really acknowledge to myself how awful the last two mcs were. If you'd asked me which mc was worst before this pg I'd have said definitely the first one, because I was entirely unprepared and it was such a shock, whereas the second and third ones I at least knew what I was in for iyswim. But now I'm remembering and realising how utterly crap they were and how much they shook my confidence in my body all over again. At the time I was very concerned to pick myself up quickly and move on. It's quite weird. This afternoon I noticed a smell around me I couldn't quite identify. Then I suddenly realised 'oh, it's hospitals' (I haven't been anywhere near one) and got what I can only describe as a flashback to the first D&C.