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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

How to tell a sister on IVF that you are expecting again?????

26 replies

jersey · 06/02/2007 19:31

Hi I have a sister who just before DS2 was conceived found out she couldn't have kids. Since he was born she has only seen him once. SHe is now on IVF and I have just found out I am pregnant again (very quickly!) when and how should I tell her?

ANy ideas welcome please.

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Pruni · 06/02/2007 19:33

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pesme · 06/02/2007 19:36

just be straightforward, agree with pruni i had the understanding faces. its not your fault and though i know it must be hard for her she needs to understand that.

munz · 06/02/2007 19:38

apart form being honest with your sister, I jsut wanted to say many many congratualtions jersery - will look out for your second announcement

brimfull · 06/02/2007 19:41

agree just be honest and tell her as soon as possible,nothing worse than finding out from someone else.

Pruni · 06/02/2007 19:42

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smittenkitten · 06/02/2007 19:45

hmm -really tricky one. i had a friend in a similar situation (she couldn't conceive and her sister fell pregnant unexpectedly for second time). she was really annoyed that her sister had agonised about how to tell her and said to me - "i just want to be thought of as [name], not [name] who's infertile".

don't know if your sister is that pragmatic, though?

DelGirl · 06/02/2007 19:45

Congratulations.

I agree with Pruni. Tell her as soon as you normally would. I would hope that she is happy for you but it will obviously be hard for her.

pendulum · 06/02/2007 19:45

Good question jersey. I have exactly the same dilemma with my best friend. She has just told me she is about to start IVF and I have not told her I am pregnant again (only 8wks so not telling anyone yet). She has told me it breaks her heart when others tell her their news, although of course she is pleased for them.

I completely understand about the 'head on one side, pained expression' approach being unwelcome. But just how do you introduce the topic? Don't want to just come out of the blue and give her a shock. Is there a tactful way to warm up the subject?

Pruni · 06/02/2007 19:51

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Pruni · 06/02/2007 19:52

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pendulum · 06/02/2007 19:59

Thanks for advice, Pruni. You're right, she must know I am trying for a second although I haven't discussed it with her. Just seems so unfair when she faces an uphill battle even to conceive a first- and I don't want to hurt her.

Will have to bite bullet soon tho. Good luck to you too with your sister, jersey.

BuffysMum · 06/02/2007 20:00

I think asap just in case anyone elses guesses/finds out and tells her. Perhaps you just need to ring her and tell her you have a secret to share with her, would be better if you could tell her in person though.....big hugs may be needed all round.

Pruni · 06/02/2007 20:02

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jeangenie · 06/02/2007 20:04

I went through a variation on this, my poor sister's baby died at 6 months old and I was pg for the 2nd time a month afterwards. I felt so guilty. I told her over the phone as we live in different countries, but I think even if we were in the same country I'd have done it over the phone so that she could have her honest, raw, "this is so unfair" reaction in privacy. She was very uninvolved in the pregnancy and didn't see or touch my DD2 until many months after the birth. I think she find sit easier now but it helps that she has an older DS herself.

Anyway, congratulations on your pregnancy, good luck with breaking the news and I hope the IVF works out soon for your sister so that she can start sharing in all of this with you sooner rather than later

BirdyArms · 06/02/2007 20:04

I had a similar situation with my sister who I am very close to. Took me a couple of weeks to pluck up the courage to tell her, made me cry every time I thought about it. But when I did tell her she said that she was pleased for me - told me that she had a list of people that she would be upset if they were pregnant but I wasn't on it! Just get it over with would be my advice.

2 months later my sis found out that she was pregnant so it has all turned out very happily for us!

Original poster

jersey · 07/02/2007 19:20

Hi thanks everyone for your suggestions and thanks munz hope you join us soon.

It will have to be by phone as we now live a distance away. I had thought of waiting until 3 months when she should be going through the eggs being put back, and saying something like well it looks like we will be pregnant together! Going with the positive angle that it is going to work this time.

What do you think? or should I just bite the bullet and do it now (which I am dreading). When DS2 was born we wanted to make them his godparents as some sort of compensation (not sure this is the right word) but they said no. So don't think she will take it very well.

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BuffysMum · 07/02/2007 19:23

I would tell her now just in case she finds out in the future that you didn't tell her for ages. Just bite the bullet I guess.

You can't really win but if you lie by trying to hide/avoid it I think that will be worse.

Pruni · 07/02/2007 19:24

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Original poster

jersey · 07/02/2007 19:27

Thanks I will probably ring her at the weekend so she doesn't have to go to work upset.

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Pruni · 07/02/2007 19:29

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Original poster

jersey · 09/02/2007 15:55

Thanks in the end I did it last night, went ok I think although no congrats from her (didn't expect any though!).

Thanks for everyones help.

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BuffysMum · 09/02/2007 15:56

well at least it's done. congrats from me BTW

Pruni · 09/02/2007 15:58

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Tallie11 · 09/02/2007 16:34

Hi Jersey,

I tried for three years before I fell pregnant and during that time my best friend fell pregnant for the second time......
I found it easier that she included me in everything, in fact I was the second person in the whole world she told that she was preg. I was so flattered and felt genuine happiness for her.

I honestly think that if she'd have ''trod on eggshells'' round me etc.... we wouldn't be as close, as we are.

As a result I am very close to her two daughters and love them very much.

Congratulations to you. Hope your sis gets her wish too. xx

Original poster

jersey · 09/02/2007 21:42

Hi pruni, she does talk about some of it, but right from the start she has been taking the negative angle about it all.

I had my worries because of her atitude to DS2. Just glad that is over now.

Thanks again.

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