My partner said he doesn't want kids when I showed him the clear blue showed I'm 4 weeks pregnant

[Asianbaby]

Hi, I'm an girl who has decided to leave my independent life with a great paid job in Jakarta chasing my love of life here. We had been in relationship for almost 5 years. I kept coming here every 6 months then back to my country when the visa finished. But this time is different. We didn't plan to have a baby but what boom I'm pregnant. I had a misscarrige 2 years ago as I never pregnant before so I didn't notice it as I kept enjoying my wines. And now I know my body said the same feeling and I told hik about it that I'm 4 weeks pregnant. Suddenly he cried and said he doesn't want kids. It breaks my heart. I feel lonely. No family no close friends to cry and tell my feeling. I'm jobless and I'm desperate now. I can't say anything now I feel numb. Want to go away but nowhere I could go. Wish I heard my mom that man is alwasy selfish.

You poor thing. Are you in the UK now? Do you have family or friends?

Is there anyway you can access some independent counselling to help you talk through how you're feeling? Maybe give him a little time to come to terms with the shock, but you may have to consider going it alone.

I'm in the UK now until my visa will finish on january next year. He is very nice guy and I love him so much. I just cry but I can't express my feeling to him can't say what I feel and what I want. I'm 35 years old. And I know We're not ready but I don't want to be a killer as I can't be so sure that I will forgive myself oneday if I do that. Is it a shock for him or it's what he wants.

Sorry OP I know you say you love him but you also want to keep your baby and I think you need some time to think and be good to yourself. Speak to family and friends.
If your visa expires in January go to the Citizen Advice Bureau or think if you could go back home. It is usually better to start your pregnancy scans and appointments in the place you will deliver.
So sorry OP.