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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

pregnant and alone

24 replies

J20BABY · 03/02/2007 16:33

i found out i was pregnant a week ago when me and my partner where going through a rough period, but we decided to try and work things out, he's had flu all week, so i've looked after him and my 6 year old, while not feeling too great myself. this morning he had a text from his ex and we argued and now he's left me and told me to get an abortion. he said i wont cope, but other people manage, i've got good friends, i work part-time, but could easily work round that, i don't know what to do. would it be selfish to keep the baby? any opinions on this situation would be appreciated.

OP posts:
StrangeTown · 03/02/2007 16:35

Oh god Jo I don't know what to say.
I feel sure that if you want to keep the baby you should.
How do you feel about your partner now? Would you want him back?

fryalot · 03/02/2007 16:36

you do what YOU want. Do not be bullied into anything by this man. Don't do anything in a rush and take time to really think about what you want. Of course you'll cope, and if you've got good friends around then that will make it easier. It is not selfish to keep your baby. You'll get lots of support here anyway. Good luck.

ScoobyDooooo · 03/02/2007 16:36

I am sorry you are in this situation

I would not go by what he says it is your body & up to you.

How do you feel about your baby, do you think you will be ok?

You can cope we all cope it is just something we have to do, yes it is harder with 2 children but it is also fab, i take it your son goes to school to so you would only have 1 at home?

kid · 03/02/2007 16:37

If you think you could manage then you will. Don't let him make the decision for you. Take on board his suggestion but you must decide whats best for you. Have you ever split up before?
How far gone are you?

megandsoph · 03/02/2007 16:40

Of course you wouldn't be selfish for keeping the baby!!!

I am also alone and PG with my 3rd and had a nightmare desion of what would be the right thing to do for all involved, so I understand how you are feeling.

Whatever desion you come to I sure you will be ok.

Original poster
J20BABY · 03/02/2007 16:42

i don't relly know how i feel at the minute, i thought i'd waited to find the right man before having another baby, but it looks like i couldn't have got it more wrong! my daughter is at school, but she's 6 going on 16, she's hard work and i feel like a bad parent. i don't want him back, he's hurt me too much. thak you all for replying, i can imangine i'm going to be spending a lot more time on here in the future

OP posts:
Original poster
J20BABY · 03/02/2007 16:46

i am only 5 weeks gone so i've got plenty of time to think about things, normally i would go out with my friend and get drunk when i'm hurting, but thats not really an option this time. thank you all, i will let you know how it goes

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Original poster
J20BABY · 05/02/2007 22:46

ARRRGH!! i'm so upset! my ex keeps ringing me and telling me to abort my baby, why is he so cruel? i'm so tired and can't sleep. what do i do?

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Original poster
J20BABY · 05/02/2007 22:53

sorry to moan-going back to bed now

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Uki · 05/02/2007 23:42

Hi J2

I hope you get some sleep, you poor thing. I can't help but think what a bastard to say that. It's a terrible thing to say and if that's his attitude he should just stay away.

It's up to you hun, youv'e got to live with it either way. I found a great site the other day. called stand up girl, i'll do a link later. It has some very good stories written by women who've had terminations and who decided not to. it's an emotional read though.

Can you talk to family and friends about this, you may find alot more support than you think through them.

It sounds like you want to keep the baby and I don't think that's selfish I think it's honourable, personally I haven't been in your situation but have alot of friends who regretted abortions and that makes me a bit biased against them, I think it depends on how much you can detatch from it all really.

bye for now

Uki · 06/02/2007 04:58

stand up girl\linl{http://standupgirl.com/web/index.php?option=com_content&task=blogcategory&id=69&Itemid=41\this}

Uki · 06/02/2007 05:00

I'll try again
stand up girlhere

Original poster
J20BABY · 06/02/2007 13:37

thanks very much for that link, i'm going to have a look at it now x

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EllieKwithaHUGEbump · 08/02/2007 19:37

hi

with my son (now 3.4) i was in the same situation as you.

I was still living with my ex, every day he would tell me he didn't want the baby and he hoped i had a miscarriage. he was incredibly nasty to me for the month's notice on our house, and then had very little to do with me during my pregnancy.

i now have a gorgeous (if sometimes annoying ) little boy, his dad eventually turned up for the birth and hasn't looked back. he loves his son to bits and wouldn't be without him for the world.

i'm very glad i decided to ignore him and go it alone, altho at 21 it was a very scary thing to do, and he too is now very glad i was strong enough to follow my heart.

only you can decide what is right for you, but please do what you truly believe is for the best, not what this man tells you to do x

Original poster
J20BABY · 09/02/2007 13:17

i've made my decision to keep it now and he's accepted it, but he's still being a pig about other stuff. i think his head has gone, i can do this with or without him, so i'm sure i'll be fine. thanks for your words of encouragement

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EllieKwithaHUGEbump · 09/02/2007 21:17

good for you x

you can email me on [email protected] if you need a chat anytime

Uki · 09/02/2007 22:52

So happy to hear this J2, I hope you have a wonderful pregnancy and baby.

there's plenty of support here if you need it.

Original poster
J20BABY · 12/02/2007 15:37

thanks all for your kind words, have'nt been on mn all weekend cos i feel so crap. i'm so tired, and think i'm feeling depressed, just want to feel ok and happy and excited. anybody got any idea's?

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MrsMar · 12/02/2007 15:57

I'm not sure I've got any good advice, but just keep coming on here for support. I hope things pick up soon

xx

Original poster
J20BABY · 12/02/2007 16:27

mrsmar, thanks i will do, i just hate that all my posts sound like i'm moaning i can't wait till i feel the world is a beautiful place again

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MrsMar · 12/02/2007 16:55

Don't worry about letting off steam on here, that's what it's for. Sometimes the worst things can seem so much easier when you know someone else is going through the same. And you never know, you may end up laughing about it!

I hope your world gets beautiful soon!

XX

divastropwantstodrop · 12/02/2007 21:12

hi.i have been through pregancy and birth on my own,and survived,as i'm sure you will.and dont worry about your dd,something happens to girls when they are 6,i remember reading a book about it when my dd1 was 6,as she'd turned into a cross between a 2 year old and a 13 year old.anyway,it was just a stage and she was/is wonderful with her little sister.

my dp threatened to leave me a few times at the start of this pregnancy(am nearly 36 weeks now).even though it was planned i still found it a shock to the system.

is your (d)p concerned about the financial implications and thats why he's pressuring you to have an abortion?

if you continue to feel depressed then search the threads on ante-natal depression.theres are loads with loads of brilliant advice/links etc.

Original poster
J20BABY · 12/02/2007 21:38

don't think he's only worried about the financial side, as we don't live together(was meant to be doing that in all good time!) i don't really know whats wrong with him, probably worried about losing his freedom or something, the daft thing is, we were really close, which is why i feel such a loss and so alone without him. i think he wants to get our relationship back on track, without the baby being an issue, but that feels like he's making me choose between him and the baby! my head is so messed up at the moment, i just want him to be here and support me. it doesn't help that i feel so tired at the moment either.
on the plus side dd seems to be behaving quite well, which makes things at little easier, hope i haven't spoken too soon thanks everyone, will keep you posted on the situation x

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divastropwantstodrop · 12/02/2007 21:51

im sure you will sort things out with him when it sinks in.i doubt he'll be thinking in terms of 'a baby' yet,anyway.i think my dp only got his head around the fact that theres a real baby growing inside me about a month ago when he started feeling it kick

from what you say it just sounds like a panic/shock reaction from him and he probably just needs some time to get his head round it

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