First time mum, feeling scared

[user1469601223]

Hi all, I don't know if anyone can help me. I've got lots of support around me but I don't feel like I can talk to any of them without being judged.

I'm 11 weeks 4 days pregnant. I found out at 4 weeks and was initially over the moon! It has now dawned on me what is happening and I'm terrified. Me and my fiancé have been together for 4 years but there is a large (34 years) age gap between us, and while we weren't trying for a baby we haven't been preventing it either. I have had horrendous morning sickness since about 6 weeks 😷

I have suffered with depression for a few years now but have it under control with medication, since falling pregnant I don't feel like I'm in control, I'm so hormonal I just cry when I start thinking about things.

My family all say that I will feel happier once I've had my 12 weeks scan to know everything is ok, but I can't see it. Whenever I try and talk to my other half how I'm feeling he just says 'it will be ok' 😭 Which isn't particularly helpful!!

I have a friend I have been confiding in, but I now feel like I'm having feelings for him. So I'm so confused, I don't know if I want to stay with my boyfriend and I don't even know if I want this baby.

Are these feelings normal?! I just feel like I've had enough 😭😭 Please don't hate me, I already hate myself!

Have you considered speaking to a counsellor? You gave quite a few complex emotional concerns which are probably being exacerbated by your massive hormonal changes right now. A counsellor could help you to sort through these feelings to determine the root causes, whether they are actually how you feel or are the product of hormone changes etc and then help you figure out a way forward. There are lots of free helplines you can find online and it will be totally neutral and non-judgemental. It sounds like you're having a horribly confusing time, I hope you find a resolution soon xx

*have