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Original poster

Any slightly older mums?

20 replies

39up · 07/09/2016 14:12

Hi

I'm 39, close to 40 and pregnant with my first. Currently I'm feeling a bit alone - most of my mates either went through this years ago or are firmly childfree. Plus everyone thought I was childfree - I kinda was for a while, as I spent my twenties struggling with a lot of stuff that meant I thought I'd never be able to be a mum.

Wondering if anyone else was trying to get their head around anything like this.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
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EreniTheFrog · 07/09/2016 14:17

I'm almost 39 and wondering where all those years went, and pregnant with no 3. By the demographics of this board, we're not old at all... I think most posters here, including most first-time mothers, are mid-thirties or older. How are you doing?

Original poster
39up · 07/09/2016 14:25

19 weeks, and got a clear scan! Pretty tired and a bit nervous about the whole thing but very excited. For a while I was a bit worried it wouldn't happen - I'd read so much about fertility falling off a cliff at 35, and then I had 2 miscarriages, and thought it was going to be a nightmare, but now here I am.

I feel really old when I talk to people in real life. Most of my school friends started their families in their twenties, and one of them just announced she's about to become a grandma! I guess I maybe just hang out with a different crowd.

OP posts:
divadee · 07/09/2016 14:26

I'm 39 and pregnant with my second. But.... I have a 19 year gap between the two!!! So it's all new again for me.

Jinglebells99 · 07/09/2016 14:34

I was 31 when I had my first and 33 when I had my second. A lot of mums I have met have been a similar age or older. My mum was 35 when she had me, and was considered to be an older mum in those days. I remember her collecting me from a party when I was ten, and one of the other girls saying , your gran is here and sniggering when someone said that's her mum :/ . I don't think it's like that now. I have friends who had their babies at 41, 43 and 44.

Munchkin08 · 07/09/2016 14:46

I was 42 when I had my 3rd but with a large gap, so

Munchkin08 · 07/09/2016 14:48

Sorry sent too soon - so really like having an only child - it's fine, I think there are more older mums than teenage now

Spotsandstars · 07/09/2016 19:43

Strongly encourage you to join an NCT group when the time comes. Best money we ever spent for our first I was 32 and all my friends had had babies early. Found everyone really likeminded, between 30-40 bracket and are friends for life. Joining groups like Waterbabies etc also helped, maybe because older parents have more disposable income to spend on stuff like this if you know what I mean?

Jos2004 · 10/09/2016 21:02

I am 39 and unexpectedly pregnant with my second child after 12 years. It definitely feels like starting all over again but I'm sure there will be many benefits to being a slightly older mother!

jimijack · 10/09/2016 21:06

I was 43, and it was fine.
Now though, aged 46 with a 3 year old, I'm bloody knackered Grin but very happy.

Mybeardeddragonjustdied2016 · 10/09/2016 21:09

I had baby 11 at 42. Ttc again at 45. Had a mc in June.

PotatoBread · 10/09/2016 21:23

DD1 born 9 weeks ago and I'm 38. Know what you mean about friends - most of mine have kids who are at school or don't want children. None with babies or toddlers. I'm probably the eldest at baby groups but not noticeably so. I still meet friends for lunch etc as cuddling a baby is a bit of a novelty for them and something they haven't done in years! Life will probably get a bit lonelier as my maternity leave progresses but it's not as bad as I thought it would be at the moment

BeardMinge · 10/09/2016 22:18

I had my daughter at 40, ttc again at 42. My Nct group was small (6), but ages ranged from 35-44. They have been amazing.

All of my other friends have primary school aged kids and it can be a bit lonely, my Nct group have kept me sane.

My friends with older kids are great for parenting tips and hand me down equipment though!

VanellopeVonSchweetz99 · 10/09/2016 22:22

Hi OP,
Had DC1 at 36 and DC1 at 38, like you struggled with a lot of stuff in my 20s, I'm 43 now and all went well, but for a v long time I never thought I'd be a mum either.
You'll be just fine.
xx

Alicekeach · 10/09/2016 22:34

Hi OP, I'm 40 and pregnant with my first (twins - eek!). Took us seven years to conceive, so like you, most of our friends have school age children rather than babies now. I have made some new friends of a similar age who are pregnant though, which is helping hugely.

I am having ups and downs about the whole thing. Some days I am really excited and others I am thinking "how will I cope?" and worrying about losing my independence. My parents have also been less than helpful by hinting that I am irresponsible to be having babies in my forties, but that's probably a whole other thread!

Bubbinsmakesthree · 11/09/2016 04:37

I had my first at 37 and now 39 and pregnant with no.2. We could have done it earlier (DH and I have been together for 15 years!) but I never felt quite ready, it was only the feeling that time was running out that forced our hand eventually.

No regrets - either about having DCs or about not having them earlier. Being older and wiser than I used to be definitely helps - I would not have been ready for the responsibility earlier, now it seems easy.

Helbelle75 · 11/09/2016 04:49

I'm 41 and didn't meet my dh until I was 38 so we're late bloomers! This is my 2nd pregnancy (my first ended in mc in may) and I'm 9 weeks.
A lot of my friends had their babies a couple of years ago, so I know a lot of older mums. It's not that unusual nowadays I don't think.

Bluebird126 · 12/09/2016 03:33

Hi Op
I'm 45 and pregnant with my first - never felt right before and also I've always had anxiety about hospitals /birth. But it's definitely happening now as I'm 33 weeks! I know what you mean about feeling older but as others have said it's not uncommon now. I totally second what others have said about NCT - most of our group are 30 - 40ish and meeting them has been a fantastic support. They even try to arrange it so everyone lives close by. Best wishes!

newbieho · 12/09/2016 07:17

Hello,

I'm also 39 and pregnant (5+4) with first child. I'm trying to stat positive but sometimes I feel like I'm on emotional rollercoaster - how are we going to cope? what about the money etc etc we also don't have a family or friends living nearby. We are still renovating the house bought two years ago. I felt the biological clock has been ticking for a while and really wanted to have the baby but now once I'm pregnant I am a bit scared. I am fully aware that there are a lot of parents in exactly the same situation and they manage to cope so fingers crossed x it's going to be a new chapter in our life Smile

Please fell free to PM me if you want to have a chat Smile

Mocha3105 · 27/02/2019 17:33

Hi, I'm in a relationship of 18mths and have 2 boys with my ex (11 and 7) New partner doesn't have children and would love a baby. I wasn't really 'done' after 2 but decided against a 3rd with the ex. I'm seriously considering ttc with new partner but when it's been mentioned previously to my friends I've had lots of negative comments about my age, 38 in Sept, starting again etc Came to find some support and to support others in a similar position x

Milligan123 · 27/02/2019 18:24

I'm 39, my first is due in 2 weeks!!

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