Any tips on how to keep going when things are looking a bit bleak?

[Vida32]

I'm wondering whether anyone has any tips/techniques/ideas for how to get on with life and all the things that need to be done when it looks like a pregnancy may not be going well.

I'm pregnant for the first time. I have just today had an early scan after some recent spotting and pain (one-sided upper abdo and shoulder pain rather than lower abdo pain). Based on last menstrual period I am 6 weeks but I have irregular and sometimes very long cycles (last cycle was 38 days, have had up to 39 days before and as few as 28 days). The scan found a small sac but no yolk or embryo, so either it's a blighted ovum or the dates are off because of the long cycles and I'm more like 4-5 weeks. I'm going to have HCG monitored and another scan in a couple of weeks. I've looked online and I realise there's every chance this could be okay because of the dates but there's also a definite possibility it won't be.

I'm not so much looking for reassurance about the situation itself but rather for tips on how to cope with everyday life between a series of appointments in the next fortnight.

I have a very stressful, intense job and it's hard to take time off, even to get to appointments. I have some major targets at work that I'm already slipping on and just thinking about them gets me worried. And even if I get over this hurdle, it seems like pregnancy can be an almost endless series of such challenges. I haven't told anyone at work and I'm not planning to until 12 weeks because I think I would find it too difficult to talk about if it didn't go well.

How do you keep going? How do you concentrate? I've not been sleeping well generally and I think this isn't going to help.

I have a close friend who had multiple mcs (and now has a healthy baby) and I was already in awe of how she coped. Now I'm just at a loss as to how people do this. People seem to have babies all the time and just get on with things - I almost feel like there's something wrong with me for being so distracted by this.

Didn't want to read and run. I also found early days v v hard- was basically terrified the whole time and just tried to sleep as much as possible to be unconscious. I wish I'd got signed off for a couple of weeks. Work will be fine, you know- look after yourself first and foremost

And there's nothing wrong with you for feeling stressed! It's a reaction to manage, not a character flaw. Do what you need to get through the days- not going to lie, it's snails pace at this stage of the game. All the best for your pregnancy

I didn't cope at all. My first pregnancy ended in a MMC, but was having scans from 5 weeks because of bleeding. It was over Christmas so including an already planned 2 weeks off, I had another 2 weeks either side (had to have surgery and recover). I was having sudden bleeds though so just couldn't be at work (I'm a nanny so not like I could leave in the middle of the day if I needed to) and having that time was really important to me emotionally.

It may look like most women just carry on, but once I opened up about my experience to some friends, I found out that most people have stories of their own and they just muddle through too.

I hope you have some good news over the next few days/weeks. My current pregnancy started much the same as my first- bleeding, measuring too small at first scan, but she had caught up by the second scan and now I'm only a few weeks away from meeting her

Thanks so much for your helpful replies. smellsofelderberries I'm so sorry for your loss and all the very best for when you welcome your new arrival.

for you Op.

Thanks PeppasNanna. So today things just got more complicated. I had bloods on Monday and was supposed to go back in today but they have rung to cancel saying HcG is 18000 and to just come to be scanned at the end of next week. I don't quite understand this because don't they need to take bloods twice to know whether it is going up? They seemed to indicate it wouldn't necessarily be doubling every day now so it wouldn't tell them much.

The problem, of course, is that HcG level is high considering what they saw on the scan on Monday. So, this could be bad news. If I am 6 weeks then why couldn't they see more? But looking online I can see people saying they had this issue and it turned out fine and people saying, yes, this happened to them and it turned out to be a blighted ovum.

I guess it's impossible to know until the next scan. But I've had two nights with very little sleep now and am continuing to find it so hard to concentrate on day to day tasks. How am going to get through the next week and half?

Vida32 maybe you can get involved in some daily small tasks that will keep you occupied? I know it's easier said than done. Sending u hugs x

I hope everything works out for you

In terms of keeping going, I found it helpful to keep myself occupied as much as possible - minimise the amount of time I gave my brain to worry.

Busy job was kind of a godsend as at least you're occupied. The main challenge is then managing stress when you've got work stress on top of pregnancy stress.

If you feel well enough to exercise, get outside for a run, walk - whatever you can manage. Great for stress.

Night times were bad so I use meditation/self hypnosis recordings (there are lots of apps and downloads) to help me switch off without my mind getting cluttered with worry.

Thanks for the helpful replies. I think the problem with work is that I already felt quite inadequate and under-confident about how I'm doing in this job before any of this started and this has really just knocked the wind out of me.
If I had tasks I was confident I could accomplish then I might feel better but everything suddenly looks and feels impossible. I am trying to break things down into little bits but it's so hard when these waves of sadness and uncertainty keep hitting me. I keep thinking I will catch up with work at the weekend but I know that I'm not really being realistic.

Try and take the tasks one at a time, work through them and speak to your colleagues if you can for assistance. Make a few lists and make sure you go for a walk at lunchtime to get some space. I am 4w6d and I am finding myself really distracted at work. It is so hard to concentrate but I have to say that I found the sadness of not getting pregnant while trying for over a year and then my father dying even harder a few months ago. The sadness did subside, its not easy when you are hormonal. Just remember that you are not alone. Lots of us are at work reading this and not doing what we should be doing! It is just work at the end of the day. No one I am sure has a death bed wish to have worked more hours etc!!