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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

My mistakes (and successes) with a newborn

44 replies

Sakura · 01/02/2007 13:12

Im posting this on here, because when I was pregnant, I only read the pregnancy and childbirth thread. Then when my daughter was born, I didnt have time to read the parenting threads. So now shes 4 months old, I realise I made a few mistakes. Ill put them down, and then perhaps others can add to them. I know all babies (and mums) are different, but this is what I did wrong and right.

Mistake 1 . I tried getting my baby to understand night and day by only letting her have short naps during the day. When I got back from the hospital, she slept 4 hours one afternoon. I interrupted her sleep, thinking "If she sleeps all day, she wont sleep at night". The next time she slept four hours in a row was three months later. What I <span class="italic">should</span> have done was get four hours kip there and then. My lesson: sleep when my baby sleeps (only practical with a first child, obviously), and dont start a routine untill about 3 months old.

Mistake 2. I used natural nappies from the get-go. I was up changing her about 8 times a night in the beginning. If theres a next time, Ill use disposables. If you use disposables at night, they cant feel the wet nappy, so sleep (a little) longer.

Mistake 3. I thought I had loads of energy when I got home. I was on a high and got excited tidying up the house, proving to myself I was superwoman. I had visions of strolling along outside with the pram.
The next day, I was laid up in bed, and I bled for the next seven weeks. And I was washing those cotton nappies too. If theres a next time, I`ll conserve as much energy as possible, and pace myself.

Mistake 4. While I did need practial help around the house, I won`T accept it again. As I said, I had very little energy, so MIL came to "help", and bring food. It saved energy physically, but was so mentally draining having someone in the house all the time, even if they are helping.

Mistake 5. I thought Id stunt the babys development by not talking to her and showing her the pretty trees outside etc from day one. I really think that she would have appreciated a better rested and relaxed mum more.

I did a few things right though:
I bought a sling, and the baby absolutely loved it from about 6 weeks onward. I did everything in that sling. It stopped her crying.

I put my snoring husband on a fouton in the next room, and slept next to my baby, with a small, low watt lamp next to me to turn on in the night.

I got a bouncy chair, and put her in it to watch me while I did (light) housework. I even took it with me into the bathroom while I had a shower. You can guarantee your baby will start crying as soon as you get in the shower.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Katy44 · 01/02/2007 13:22

Thank you Sakura.
I'm expecting my first in April, and this is exactly the kind of advice I need.
Numbers 3 and 4 sound very like me as well so will bear what you say in mind.

RedKennedy · 01/02/2007 13:43

Thankyou Sakura. Im due in May and its my first and I need all the help I and advice I can get. Im going to bookmark this!
xxx

Sakura · 01/02/2007 13:44

Hi Katy, I hope theyre useful Wishing you luck for April, although Im sure it feels like April is five years away.

OP posts:
Sakura · 01/02/2007 13:46

May must seem like 10 years away, RedKennedy

OP posts:
Luxmum · 01/02/2007 15:11

Ha, great idea. My mistakes were:

  1. not listening to DS and when he wanted a nap routine - took about 2 months to get it right, but when it did, wow, the change.
  2. Not trying to prove everything.
  3. Not staying in my PJs for the first month.
  4. Going crazy while preggers and buying cute designer clothes which DS either grew out of BEFORE he had even worn them, or which he ruined on the first day by getting dirty. H&M and Tesco all the way from now on.
My successes:
  1. BFing!! DS had real problems latching on, and the first 3 montsh were Agony. But we stuck it out, got help and it was wonderful. I kept it up till he was 15 months and am soooo glad I did.
  2. A sling too, they're magic!
  3. I got a vibrating chair for DS, it was wonderful - he would sit in that and sleep while we had dinner, and give us a clear ohhh.. whole half hour of peace during the day!
  4. DH slept in what should have been the babies room, and meant he at least got sleep while he went to work, and DS was beside me in a crib in the main bedroom. At least one of us slept then.
incy · 01/02/2007 15:24
  1. There is no need to read books to a newborn baby or take it to the zoo or a baby singing group. I seriously did this as I thought I would otherwise stunt his development. Let the baby sleep, eat and poo for the first 3 months !
  2. The weight will drop off naturally so don't stress. (I actually ended up a stone lighter than my pre-pregnancy weight one year on.) I wasted too much time stressing about getting back into shape. You will still have a tummy for at least a couple of months post birth - going on a diet will not change this !
  3. Don't try and keep the baby awake all day to help it sleep at night. A newborn needs regular feeds through the night for at least 6-8 weeks and no amount of daytime sleep depreivation will alter this. In fact the baby will just become tired and ratty.
  4. If the baby is hungry then feed it. Don't get hung up on stricy routines on the first months.
  5. After feeding the baby burp it (why did nobody ever tell me this !). Sit the baby upright on your knee and gently pat/rub its back until it gives a big burp .Otherwise it will cry again, you will assume it is still hungry and feed some more which makes the wind even worse and the baby will become very distressed.
6.Don't do too much too soon. You may have a burst of energy for a couple of weeks but it will soon wear off. If you are too capable and active then everyone will forget you have only recently given birth and stop offering to help!
bobblehead · 01/02/2007 20:43

Thinking I wouldn't need anyone except dh was my mistake. We're miles away from family and I only had a few friends in this country, none of whom had children. When dd was born I have never felt like I needed my mum so much in my life- I was sobbing like a lunatic down the phone several times a day. She got the first flight out she could and while I wouldn't let her actually do anything for me, just having her there helped so much. I'm expecting #2 in March and have learned my lesson this time and my mum will be here for the birth (well, not during the process, but to help with dd and be there for me afterwards!)

sazzybee · 01/02/2007 20:53

Thank you for this thread. It's very kind of you

I'm due in March and have read one parenting book. I'm finding it a bit difficult to get beyond the birth bit mentally so this is a godsend

Lio · 01/02/2007 20:55

Great OP Sakura, FWIW it sounds like you're doing just great!

Twinklemegan · 01/02/2007 21:01

I wish I'd known about the burst of energy thing before I had DS. I had that as well and burnt myself out in the first few days.

Sakura · 01/02/2007 23:37

I think youre just on a mental high from the birth (and theres probably a few hormones rushing around too). VERY deceiving. 4 months on, and Im not 100%. I read it takes 18 months for your body to recover its iron stores after a birth. And I had a vaginal birth too, so I imagine a c-section would take longer. I drank too much tea too, I think. Nice and relaxing, but it does stop iron absorbtion, so I felt very weak.

ANother "right" thing I did was book myself to have breast massage a few times. I had it 2 days after the birth, then every few weeks after that. Shell clean out all the old milk and any lumps that are in there. Its amazing- the milk just shoots out, and the new milk is warm, but the old, useless milk is freezing cold. If there are hard spots in your breasts, it can lead to mastitis and other problems. I never had breastfeeding problems, and Im sure its because of the breast massage.

OP posts:
Sakura · 01/02/2007 23:38

Thank you, Lio. That was a lovely, reassuring post.

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Aloha · 01/02/2007 23:44

Breast massage where on earth do you live?!
I really could not face anyone fiddling with my mammaries while breastfeeding. Oh, and I have to say, there is no such thing as 'old, useless milk'. Really there isn't.

MollieSugden · 01/02/2007 23:50

Breast massage?!

I have never heard of such a thing!

Sakura · 02/02/2007 00:24

I know, it sounds weird, and I probably explained it wrong. Its not actually a massage, its more like just expressing the milk. I live in Japan, and I first heard about it when my Japanese sister in law told me she went for one when she had mastitis. She said it really worked.
After the birth, my breasts felt very sore in some places. The midwife told me to alternate the babys position when I breastfeed and then she kind of expressed the milk out of all the glands. It felt lovely, and the only way I could think of to describe it is that she was clearing all the clogged up parts. 4 months on, my breasts are fine and I dont go anymore, but I was glad to go in the beginning.
I just wonder if women would experience less difficulties breastfeeding if they had this. Breastfeeding is the done thing in Japan, moreso than in the UK, I would say.
Im sure you can find this service in the UK, but it might be called something else. Actually, itll definitely be called something else there, come to thing about it. Breast massage does sound a bit dodgy.

OP posts:
bobblehead · 02/02/2007 03:12

Sakura dh did a similar sounding thing for me! (apparently he saw something like it being done in the breastfeeding video we watched at hospital that I slept through).
It did really help with those hard lumps though yes, there was milk shooting everywhere!

Kiff · 02/02/2007 03:13

Wi fi - makes all that time spent awake more enetertaining

DivaSkyChick · 12/06/2007 12:03

Bump - Any new mums want to add their list? I thought the OP was really helpful.

MimieD · 12/06/2007 12:40

All sounds very familiar! While my DD was napping, I spent far too much time researching the internet on ways to make her sleep longer at night instead of having a nap myself...

maxbear · 12/06/2007 13:02

With my ds, now 3 months I woke him every two hours for a breast feed at first as I feel that the more he feeds in the day, the more he will sleep at night. Perhaps I am just lucky but he has always slept quite well at night just waking up to feed and then settling again. I did this as my dd did used to feed a lot at night. Last night ds had his best night yet only woke up once between 7 and 6.30 so gives me plenty of time to look at mn now that he is asleep in the day as do not have to try & rest!

potoroo · 12/06/2007 13:32

How very true.

Two years on I can also tell you that DS is no in way emotionally scarred because I left him crying to use the loo or get a drink when he was a newborn. Even though I thought I was doing the worst thing in the world (honestly - your brain just works in a different way once a newborn cries).

elsieanjoanne · 12/06/2007 13:55

Practice folding your pushchair with something in other arm before baby arrives so you can get on off public transport
SLEEP your baby will want to be fed when you get in bath so feed baby whilst in the bath
do not continuously use the sling the baby wil get used to it then want up right continuously! although its helpfull when trying to hoover/wash up!
get v shape pillow great for bump an bfing
make sure you know what positions to feed in before going home
only give up on the bf if its what you really want! I gave up and now regret it!
most important one is too enjoy your baby while they are small as all the first's are just that first's!

Rochwen · 13/06/2007 14:34

excellent thread, Sakura !

May I add:

DOn't pick the baby up everytime s/he cries they just get used to it.

Sleep when the baby sleeps didn't work for me because I was always listening out for her. I could only sleep properly when she was out of the house, e.g. hubby took her for a stoll in the pram.

Rochwen · 13/06/2007 14:35

Oh yes, most importing thing. Trust your instincts, you know your baby better than anybody else.

Listen to everyone's advice carefully but then do what works for you.

Rochwen · 13/06/2007 14:39

Ah yes, see now you got me thinkng ...

Express, express, express.

EBM is liquid gold, don't to six weeks before you start expressing and getting your partner to give your dc a bottle of the stuff. Start expressing as soon as your milk comes in and build up a supply for the growthspurts. Offer a bottle no later than two weeks after the wee one is born. The advice here is to wait for six weeks but by then it's usually too late and they won't accept the teat and then you have had it.

Every bottle of EBM translates into a few hours sleep or a visit to the cinema for you.

Express, express, express, twice a day, every day !

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