My Partners is going off the rails!!!!

[emmad1982]

I thought id put this on as in alot of the other "chats" everything seems to be rosie for expectant mothers to be and there partners sound perfect but there must be some couples who are having same probs......

Our relationship has always been good and weve always had a laugh and gone out socialising together but i have now settled down into home life ready for the birth of our baby in April, but he seems to feel the need to get very drunk, of a weekend and come home at stupid times in morning.

I think its scary to have to settle down and do the family thing for a man, whereas im looking foward to it as have done all my enjoying myself etc and would like to now enjoy a family life. Wa are both 24 but think it's true to say men take longer to grow up.

I get the impression he's trying to cram in socialising as much as possible before baby born, he's looking forward to baby and sits and reads books about pregnancy alot so he makes effort, but could do with him being there more is anyone having same probs.

also his mum passed away in october maybe he is still mourning

Sorry to hear you having a rough time at the moment. Poor you.
Maybe you DP is still mourning the death of his mother, infact I would say its a definate really. He is still only young to loose his mother, aswell has men taking longer to mature, but he may well be completely different when the baby arrives. Was he close to his mum?
At least he is showing some interest in the pregnancy by reading about it, as some men are just so disinterested in it all.

All I can suggest is wait & see how he is nearer the time, I know this is no consolation to you at the moment, but sometimes they can rebel against you if you try & stop them, although I fully understand that you feel anxious about this.

Sorry I've not been much help, but i'm sure someone will be along with some good advise.

Good Luck & take care. x

Emma - I think alot of men have this. My DH certainly took a while to realise he was no fun for me to be with when he was still gettin ar*eholed and I was sober as a judge.
The main thing for me wasn't his getting drunk, but the fact that we lost the best part of every weekend together as he took all day to recover from the nights before. Once I pointed out to him that we should be spending this time together enjoying the last of our "freedom" he started to moderate the no. of times he got wasted. He still gets drunk, just not every weekend night and a gradual reduction is probably easier than a crash when the baby arrives - our baby is due end of May.

I am sure he is still in mourning for his mum too. Lots of things for him to get his head round. I'm guessing he doesn't talk about it? Men can be closed books about stuff like this.

Have a chat to work out a compromise so you're spending time together. Maybe that will be a way to help him open up about his fears too.

Good luck xx

Emma
I'm sorry your DP is being a bit of a pain, but as someone whose DH is behaving wonderfully I just wanted to a) apologise if us going on about fab DPs makes you feel a bit put out, and b) just say please try not to let what appears to be going on in other relationships make you question your own. Things are not always what they seem. Yes my DH is fab, but I am crap! I hate being pregnant, don't feel ready or radiant and the reality of what I will be missing out on is kicking in and making me very petulant. But I feel so guilty about the way I feel, and it makes me really sad when I hear about how fab other people are feeling. The problem is we are often quick to judge each other or compare our lives to others and think that this 'should' be happening or I 'should' be feeling this way.
Your partner may 'be going off the rails' as you put it but it'll all be great because you obviously have your head screwed on and are ready for this, unlike me, I'm behaving like a complete loon!
I hope you all read this in the spirit that it was intended, not as a rant but a plea to everyone to try not to worry what other people are doing/feeling, it's the last thing you need to stress about.
That said, I hope you can find people to empathise with you. That has been the only thing saving me from insanity