Anxious, paranoid, worried mum to be...

[anonymousmaw]

Have written and deleted this post a few times but not sure where else to turn and have some really helpful advice before.

The title says it all really. I'm pregnant with my 1st and have become increasingly anxious and paranoid that I will be a terrible mum and that everyone thinks the same. Not sure if this is pregnancy hormones or anxiety resurfacing.

I have done CBT etc before and I am aware that I'm in a viscous circle of unhelpful thinking and logically I know it will do me no good but I can't sop it.

I've always thought that nobody likes me and suffered form social anxiety which has previously led to me getting extremely drunk in social circumstances and really embarrassing myself/doing something/saying something I regret and then gong in to hiding for months after. I know that a lot of people don't like me because of this and think I'm an unpleasant person.

I genuinely think that they all think I'm a horrible person, my husband is a fool for marrying me and I will be terrible mother.

I have not touched alcohol while pregnant and do not plan on doing so ever again to be honest but I feel like I will never live down all of the horrible mistakes I have made and people's impression of me. Some of these mistakes are fairly recent and I have heard second hand what people think of me.

I just feel awful. I want to concentrate on this little baby coming into the world and feel selfish for thinking about myself but I'm terrified this will have an impact on our baby and our life together. I can't really talk to my husband about it, he just says forget about it, it doesn't matter but I think he's actually quite ashamed and embarrassed of the things I've done and doesn't like to think about them.

I don't really know what I'm hoping for here...when I'm good, I can be super positive, logical etc but I just can't seem to pull myself out of this way of thinking, it's haunted me for over ten years now and feel like the only way to escape it would be to move far away where no-one knows me and start again.

Sorry for the long post and thanks for listening.

Awww you sound like me during my first pregnancy . It sounds as though the stress of impending parenthood and the pregnancy hormones are exacerbating anxieties you have had for a while.

Is there any counselling or therapy you can access through your GP or midwife? In many areas, there's sadly very little. What helped me most, I think, was chatting online to other mums (I dont know about you, but I find it easier than face to face socialising) - many people feel really flattered by being asked for advice.

How far along are you?

Hi OP, I just wanted to say you're not alone in this. I'm 21weeks with my first baby after a miscarriage last year and I've never had such awful dreams/thoughts. I'm told this is a natural thing and to try and understand its your brain basically going into protective overdrive to make you more aware of dangers. Try and remind yourself everyday that your baby is ok, so are you and statistics are on your side

Thanks for your reply and advice EreniTheFrog, I really appreciate it.

These worries and thoughts have always been here and I think a lot of them are genuinely true and not just in my head but usually I can put them to the back of the mind. But I think being pregnant I'm worried they will have an impact on baby and I don't want them to know any of this horrible stuff

I've tried a number of things before through my GP and private counselling and I know that I'm being crazy, need to live in the present moment etc but it's just so hard to do. It's like I enjoy driving myself insane!

Currently 23 weeks...

Your pregnancy hormones will be sending your anxiety in to overdrive. I woke up this morning on the verge of an attack, I've got 12 weeks left to go. I've also made a fool of myself through drink. Forget about it.

So if I was you , I would no acknowledge this is anxiety talking and start using the tools you have for managing it. Do you meditate? Are you exercising - waking ect.. Have you tolf your Dh you are feeling like this? Have you tried listening to mindful anxiety apps?

Would you go and see your GP?

Thank you HughLauriesStubble and ImYourMama.

ImYourMama I'm so sorry for your loss, I can't imagine. I hope you and baby are keeping well.

I think I should probably go and speak to my GP, just being reluctant for some reason.

Thank you for replying, it means a lot.

Be proactive about 'fixing' it op, this is a illness - just like a chest infection or head ache.

Never be ashamed or embarrassed to ask for help- it makes you a great mum already in that you're trying to look out for your little one and keep them safe. If keeping them safe means mummy talking to someone impartial for some advice, then that's what you should do. No one will judge you, pregnancy is bloody hard mentally and physically and I think you're doing great

Given the way you describe your conviction of how others see you so negatively, I think becoming a mother might actually really help you. Babies just want to be fed and cuddled; they make no judgments on social skills, and do not bear grudges about drunken misdeeds committed before they were born. Your baby will love you so much simply for being his/her mummy. Your baby will think you are the best Mummy in the whole world.

Thank you for all of your responses. I have meditated and exercise a lot in the past which helped, as does eating healthy but all of that went out the window when I fell pregnant so I will try get back on track with a few of these things.

I keep avoiding social things and getting myself in a state about it because of what I mentioned above which I know is silly, sometimes it really helps just to hear (read) other people tell you things that you know you should be doing so thank you!

I'm finding it hard to eat healthily and exercise at the moment too (everything smells bad, and I am knackered) and yes, I notice the difference too. But do you find that even a short walk helps? I know I do. Hang in there..

Go back to your meditating and breathing.

Forget social gatherings for now. There are some great meditation vids on you tube that you can just put your ear phones in to.

How far pregnant are you? Have you got a peddle bike ?

Very unmunsnetty hug to you OP.

I could have written your post when I was pregnant. And fear not - I am totally blowing my own trumpet I know, but I am a fab mum and you will be too. My baby is all nice and plump and happy and I love him so much I could cry with joy just thinking about his scrumptious smooshy face. If he wasn't asleep (finally) I would go and give him a massive smooch right on his lovely chubby cheek.

Please speak to your midwife about how you feel - pre-natal anxiety and depression are a real and devastating thing (I had them) and there is help available - you are not alone.

Your baby will think you are brilliant - I am sure your husband does too. Please talk to him about how you feel... It's so common to feel this way. We don't all bloom and become natural mothers. Some of us struggle a bit and then become Queens when we meet our babies (Facebook Constance Hall for Queen info xx)

I am sure people worried about me and worried about my baby when I first got pregnant - I am sure there were people who worried I was drinking while PG (I wasn't) and that's up to them. Anyone who knows you well knows you are doing the best for your baby.

I am a good mother. I am sure you will be too. Please believe me when I say that as soon as your baby arrives you won't give a single fuck about anything anyone else might say.

Good luck with your pregnancy.

Incidentally, anyone who passes on anything hurtful "second hand" is a buttsmear. And they have probably made it up. x

Thanks you for your responses. I'm going to print this out and keep it in my bag to read when I'm feeling this way, it really helps!

Definitely going to try meditation again and up the dog walks and exercise - currently 23 weeks so feeling a lot less tired that the first trimester.

Fourfifthsof I can't wait for a smooshy face of my own and "buttsmear" gave me a good laugh