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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Need all your help telling my mum im pregnant!

26 replies

Spingroll16 · 03/08/2016 15:02

Hello :)

So I've recently found out I am about 7 weeks pregnant. myself and my partner are over the moon, as we have been trying to conceive. I am step mum to a nearly 3 year old boy who we have every weekend. I also should add, we are getting married in October.

We bought our own house last year, and money really isn't great. We just about get by each month. However my DH is starting a new job in 3 weeks, on a lot more money. So I have no worries there.

My parents told me not to get pregnant before my wedding, but I wanted it so much I couldn't wait anymore.. I am dreading telling my parents! I think my mum will flip, and say we can't afford to get by each month, let alone with a baby too.

I've decided to do it tonight, as I cant wait any longer and thought she'd end up more pissed off if she was last to find out!

HELP PLEASEEEEE :(

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MsStricty · 03/08/2016 15:06

Since when do you need your parents' approval for anything, OP? You're an adult; you can do whatever you like. Your mother has no hold over you apart from the hold that you let her have over you.

Judgements about you a) have nothing to do with you, and b) are beyond your control to manage. Live your life.

Congratulations, btw!

ayeokthen · 03/08/2016 15:07

I found out I was pregnant 10 days before I got married, was absolutely terrified of telling my (VERY religious) parents. Ended up calling my mum and just blurting out "Mum I'm pregnant can you please tell Dad thanks bye!" All in one massive breath and then hung up. I was terrified! But actually they were great, and they even coped when I left my abusive XH a year later, was a single mum for years and then had 2 DCs with my DP despite not being married. What I mean is, they'll probably be pissed off at first, but they'll come round, babies tend to have that effect on people. Good luck OP!

OvariesForgotHerPassword · 03/08/2016 15:11

Right, I've done an awkward announcement before

Be confident. Don't say "I'm pregnant", that opens the floor for talk about 'options'. Say "DP and I are going to have a baby". Smile and make it clear you're very happy about it.

If she reacts badly, stay calm. Say "I'm sorry you feel that way, we are very happy about this and I hoped you would be happy for us".

Don't say anything in haste that you may regret later. Try and remember that her reaction is coming from a place of shock rather than true disapproval/anger.

Tell her what you've told us, about your DP's new job. If she continues to be angry and you feel uncomfortable, say again, "I'm sorry you feel this way but we are happy and this is what we want. I am going to leave and give you time to come to terms with it. You know where I am, you are my mum and I don't want this to affect our relationship, but I am starting my family and we are happy".

Try not to dwell if her reaction is bad. My mum kicked my DP out and told me to get rid, I walked out and we didn't speak for ages. Seven months later my mum was my second birthing partner and loved seeing her granddaughter born, and now she absolutely dates on her!

Best of luck and congratulations :)

Sparklesilverglitter · 03/08/2016 15:11

You are an adult, your don't need your parents approval to get pregnant.

Just tell them that you are pregnant and with a bit of luck they will be happy for their daughter.

Congratulation

LizzieMacQueen · 03/08/2016 15:11

I'm sure she'll be delighted but you say you were actively trying to conceive so have you not already imagined this scenario?

Big deep breath and tell her.....

Congratulations and good luck with the wedding.

Dozer · 03/08/2016 15:12

Yes, it's not really your parents' business!

divadee · 03/08/2016 15:15

My mum who is very religious (a minister so comes with the job!) and has had me telling her not once but twice that I am pregnant out of marriage. Once at 19 and now in June. Me and my ex husband did eventually get married which delighted my mum. The divorce not so much!

Now I'm getting nagged again about marriage to my partner which I would love but putting no pressure on either of us.

So what I am trying to say is they will be delighted. Shocked maybe but happy eventually. And if not then that's their problem not yours!

ayeokthen · 03/08/2016 15:16

Divadee my dad's a minister too!

Original poster

Spingroll16 · 03/08/2016 15:20

When I told her we were engaged, she looked so disappointed. I mean she said Congratulations and hugged me, but she honestly looked so disappointed and it ruined the moment! I'm scared it will happen again!

Brilliant suggestion of not saying im pregnant, but rather 'we are having a baby and are over the moon about it!'

I am STILL bricking it, I was going to tell her after my wedding on the suggestion of my DH but she'd be pretty pissed off if she found out she was last to know!

Think its now or never, I'm going round after work. wish me luck!

We've never been happier, yes it isn't ideal when I have to get into a wedding dress, but most people don't really show until they are about 20 weeks anyway! I say most with a pinch of salt ha ha!

OP posts:

PotteringAlong · 03/08/2016 15:22

Just tell her after the wedding?

DancingDinosaur · 03/08/2016 15:26

Have you got a scan pic or is it too soon? I popped a scan pic into a card with the words 'congratulations grandmother to be' No words needed! Maybe you should wait until the scan and do that.

Gazelda · 03/08/2016 15:27

OP, when I have to do something I'm dreading, I try to do a countdown in my head. For example, if I knew I had to make a tricky phonecall today at 5pm, I'd be telling myself right now "it'll all be over in two hours timer". It makes me feel as though the worst will soon be over.

But I truly hope that after the initial surprise, they will welcome your news and treat you as the adult capable of making decisions that you obviously are.

Congratulations on your pregnancy.

Goingtobeawesome · 03/08/2016 15:28

Tell her after the wedding and if she finds out she was the last to know tell her, you ruined my engagement announcement by not being happy and I didn't want you ruining this as well.

Why wasn't she happy you were engaged?

It's time you realised you're an adult and your mother has no right to demand you don't conceive before the wedding .

JFTR at seven weeks I couldn't do my trousers up and I hadn't put any weight on..

Original poster

Spingroll16 · 03/08/2016 15:28

I don't think I can wait that long to tell her, I'd want to tell everyone else before then. Ideally at 12 weeks.... but again, cant have her last finding out or she'd be so angry...

OP posts:

divadee · 03/08/2016 15:29

ayeokthen it's a joy having ministers for parents isn't it? ;-) my mum and dad were both ministers only my mum left now as dad passed away 6 years ago. She is retired but still works 'occasionally' (all the time!)

Original poster

Spingroll16 · 03/08/2016 15:30

I'm in baggy tops and leggings as nothing else is comfortable, I don't think I'd make it to 16 weeks without her finding out!

I'm 21, but still scared off her reaction like an actual child is scared of being told off :(

OP posts:

ayeokthen · 03/08/2016 15:37

Divadee I'm sorry about your Dad. Yeah, my dad is "semi-retired" not retired at all and its like living in a goldfish bowl being "the meenister's daughter" haha. He's put up with a lot from me, bless him. Can't imagine if my mum and dad were both ministers!!

Crocodillian · 03/08/2016 15:40

congratulations
I had to face this last year and my advice is positivity no matter what dm says until she has no choice but to jump on board or grin and but out.
I was concerned about telling dm. Im married and we already had 1dc 7yo. Dm was very anti me having any more as there was a high risk of me becoming v physically unwell in pregnancy -and because she doesnt like kids- I'd been told a 2nd pregnancy would be difficult and dm had gone round telling everyone that her 17th gc was her last. (I have lots of siblings and dm didnt become a "career woman" until her 50s. Possibly why she didnt want me to have more than 1 dc)
We were trying for a while and I was so excited to get the bfp. I was quite unwell from about 5wks in and I knew dm would be genuinely worried about my health as well as being slightly annoyed that I was adding to the brood of gcs. As a big, grown woman I didn't need her approval, but I didn't want the stress of her banging on about what a bad idea it was for the entire pregnancy.
I commute into London for work and have to change near her office so I went to meet her in a crowded place for breakfast and told her that I had some amazing news that dh and I were so happy about. The fact that I was so happy stopped her from being too negative, although she did put in her 2pennies worth about my health, age (31 was too old and I'd be the oldest lady on the mat ward ) and age gap that would exist between dcs. But as I was talking about it dm couldn't be too negative as she couldn't help but get caught up in my excitement. Throughout the pregnancy I met all of her negativity with excitement and she began to get more and more into it culminating with her booking a week off when baby was born and just being amazing.
Within weeks of her 18th gc came her 5th and 6th ggcs. And then a 19th gc. I think she's resigning herself to the fact that you cant influence when your grown up dcs decide to have their own dc.

AudreyBradshaw · 03/08/2016 16:14

I'm 30, married and in our own house and I STILL thought I was going to get told off by my Mam (...Who is also a vicar! High five to all ministers kids everywhere!) Incidentally she (and my dad) were/are delighted but I recognise "the fear"

Go with what pp have mentioned "me and dp are expecting a baby, we are thrilled". You can't control her reaction however you tell her so I'd just go with as simple and honest as possible. Congratulations

LizzieMacQueen · 03/08/2016 22:29

How did it go OP?

OvariesForgotHerPassword · 04/08/2016 07:54

Hope it went well OP!

Original poster

Spingroll16 · 04/08/2016 08:53

I bottled it!

She wasn't in a very good mood already, so I wasn't going to make it worse!

I'm going to tell her at the weekend, with my partner there for support!

Thank you for all your suggestions!

OP posts:

SquedgieBeckenheim · 04/08/2016 14:14

I knew my parents wouldn't disapprove,but I was still frightened to tell them! I felt like a naughty child, bottled it and made DH break the news! DD was planned, we were already married, owned our own home and in good jobs. Yet I still couldn't tell them! I think the fear can be intrinsic.
Hope you manage to tell her this weekend and she's supportive of you.
Congratulations!

Pumpkin123Lisa · 05/08/2016 10:14

Congrats and try not to worry about it.
I was 20 and so happy when I found out I was pregnant with my boyfriend (who is 20 years my senior) and wanted to wait until 12 weeks to tell people. My dad found out a couple days later because he guessed it haha, he was so happy (I hadn't lived at home since 17 so that probably helped). I did not expect my siblings reaction (I have 9)
Two of my sisters were over for a visit and got suspicious so they rifled through my bag and found my folic acid...they absolutely lots the plot.
Screaming a cm away from my face, telling my I needed an abortion and they'd had one and it was so much easier, what the hell was I thinking, why would get pregnant from "that old man" and every other insult and personal attack they could think of. I was so shocked I couldn't even respond, I was crying and just needed a hug..they had no right, I was so happy just minutes before! My partner gone to see his family for the day and it was a horrible thing to have to get through on my own.

2 years later most of them have apologised and are happy to have another niece..the others are ** and I don't really talk to them much. I am now 12 weeks along with number 2 with my amazing partner and couldn't be happier..just told everyone and got mixed reactions again!! (and some haven't even responded) but I didn't tell them face to face so no screaming lol xx

Mybugslife · 05/08/2016 14:13

I was 18 when I fell pregnant with my daughter and I was absolutely petrified of telling my parents.
My mum actually guessed which made it easier I guess, as I didn't have to actually say the words. She gave me a huge hug and supported me through it all. My mum came with me to tell my dad. I thought he was going to go ballistic! Turned out he was as supportive as my mum, in fact since then we've had a great relationship, as it was never that great when I was young.
It was actually harder to tell my 3 big brothers. One was over the moon for me, the other was worried but supportive, the eldest didn't talk to me until after my daughter was born!!
I'm now 24 and on pregnancy number 5...we lost 3 after my daughter. and every single time I've been so scared of telling my family, but they are all, including my eldest brother, amazingly supportive and completely over the moon for us. All 3 of my brothers dote on my daughter and it all seems so silly now.

All the people saying who cares what your mum thinks, it's not that simple. Who wants to upset their parents/family? But honestly, she may be upset to start with but it won't last long. she'll probably surprise you and be over the moon about it. good luck xx

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