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Original poster

Sharing finances and responsibility

41 replies

Klaw1982 · 13/07/2016 20:39

Hi guys.

I'm hoping for some advice.
I have been married for nearly two months now and I have two children from a previous. Before we married we moved in together. Since we have moved in,I had to change my job so income is much less now but I could cope financially because my ex also contributed to the children. However he has now stopped paying maintenance since I have limited him having the children to every other weekend.

The strain on my finances has hit hard this month and I've had to ask my husband for help with food shopping.

But after talking with him I feel like I've had to beg for money!!! So here are the facts.

I earn on a good month 1130.00 I pay all bills, child related expenses, petrol, and food

Husband earns two wages one is 3000.00 the other is 800.00 he. Pays for the mortgage 1300.00 and his van 189.00 and my car 189.00

So are we splitting this right because I feel like I'm being controlled financially!

All I earn goes into the house and I go to work keep the house and look after the children.

How does everyone else cope?

OP posts:
user1468439722 · 13/07/2016 21:37

Trolls are like bad smells, if you ignore them eventually they will go away, wasn't ticking anyone off at all..

TheWeeBabySeamus1 · 13/07/2016 21:40

Thank you Somerville. Aparantly it's ok to take the piss out of my spelling, call me spunk stain (might've sniggered a bit at that one Grin) but I'm not to respond at all... Despite the fact that user has also responded to his goady posts.

Ah well, good job I've got my big girl pants on today or I might start getting offended. Wink

milpool · 13/07/2016 21:42

It's really impossible to say without knowing how much all of your bills and everything are.

But as your husband seems to have at least half his wage leftover for disposable income then no, it doesn't seem fairz

user1468439722 · 13/07/2016 21:43

Respond away seamus never said you couldn't..

TheWeeBabySeamus1 · 13/07/2016 21:47

I did and you told me off 😭 🤐

user1468439722 · 13/07/2016 21:48

Didn't mean it to come across as telling off, just meant with what he said I would have commented on more than his spelling Grin

Original poster
Klaw1982 · 13/07/2016 22:09

Sorry haven't replied until now, I reduced contact because it was just too much for the children, they wasn't having a routine. And yes he has stopped paying because he can't have them more, that's a whole different story.

So with husband bringing home 3800 me bringing home 1130.00 how would we determine a percentage of each of both and have money each left over for days out etc. I'm so rubbish with money but we need to sort this out before I start resenting him.

OP posts:
Original poster
Klaw1982 · 13/07/2016 22:11

Bills alone is 624.00 shopping is 300.00 and petrol 100.00 per month

OP posts:
milpool · 13/07/2016 22:13

You basically need to do a household budget. Work out all of your household expenses against your joint income. You earn 29% of the household income so really should pay 29% of the expenses to make it fair.

Or if you feel you should pay the child related stuff then it'd be 29% of mortgage, bills, food etc.

TheWeeBabySeamus1 · 13/07/2016 22:15

Your total income is £4930. £3800 is his earnings which is 77%of total income. So tally up all household bills and he pays 77% and you pay 23%.

TheWeeBabySeamus1 · 13/07/2016 22:16

Have I added it up wrong Blush? Sorry OP.

Original poster
Klaw1982 · 13/07/2016 22:19

How did you work that out? Very very clever! X would like to know how you did that please x

OP posts:
milpool · 13/07/2016 22:22

Easiest way to do it:

Smaller amount divided by bigger amount (so £1130/£3800) = 0.29

Then x by 100 to get a percentage

Somerville · 13/07/2016 22:24

I don't know.

Normally I'm 50/50 (or a fair proportion dependant on relative incomes) all the way. But I have 3 children and if I got remarried, I would be budgeting to still solely provide for my children myself. They're my responsibility, not my boyfriends' - even if he became my husband.

So you could take off costs directly related to
your DC and then divide the rest of the bills 70/30, perhaps. Some things might need some thought. Like, would the two of you live in a smaller house if it weren't for your kids? In which case you might also rather pay a higher percentage than 30% of the mortgage, or whatever.

You really do need to both pursue your ex for his maintenance payments, and go into mediation over contact, if you haven't already. A friend of mine had 60/40 contact in her favour. She dropped it back to 70/30 at her children's request, because their dad wouldn't take them to their clubs or activities. And then he took her to court and got 50/50.

TheWeeBabySeamus1 · 13/07/2016 22:26

I went round the houses with it Blush

Total income £4930 divide by 100 = 49.30. Divide £3800 by 49.30 gave me 77 (rounded down) and 1130 makes 23 (rounded up)

NameChange30 · 13/07/2016 22:28

Why is this in "Pregnancy"? Shouldn't it be in "Relationships" or something?

But yes, what the others said: call CSA/CMO to ensure your ex pays child maintenance, and organise the finances in proportion to income, so your husband pays 77% of total bills and you pay 23%. (However you might feel that you should pay more towards the children, and if you get child maintenance again you might want to factor that into the % calculation.)

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