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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

having elective section this time? am i a wooos???

49 replies

lillaura · 21/01/2007 14:52

i had a very traumatic birth with my ds both me and my partner suffered from post natal depresion and our whole family got torn apart (this included his dd who lives with us calls me mummy, and was only 2!!) after heartache and breakups it got so bad tht i made him come to gp with me so we had to hear each others feelings he couldnt bond with baby for months so i pushed him out - he felt guilty about the pain i went thru and not being able to help - we managed to build a stronger relationship than ever wen our ds turned about 1 - but now found out we are having another baby the consultants have agreed to an elective cs to help avoid probs again - am i a wooooos?

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SoupDragon · 21/01/2007 14:58

What was so traumatic that caused this? You don't have to say

I guess there is one school of thought that having a nice smooth vaginal delivery would exorcise the ghosts left from the first (like, say, a homebirth where it's an entirely different set up to avoid any flashbacks IYSWIM) but I don't think you're a wuss. Only you can decide what's right for you and a traumatic frst birth plus the aftermath of course you're entitled to choose an elective c-section.

DS1s birth was a fairly traumatic ventouse delivery pls 3rd degree tear. DS2 was a straightforward birth and it did indeed exorcise a large number of ghosts left over from the first. DD's home waterbirth cleared out the remaining few lingering at the back amongst the cobwebs However, I found the thought of a cs far more scarey than a vaginal deivery. Horses for courses

lulumama · 21/01/2007 15:00

did you get any help with the trauma? any counselling from someone , or contact with

birth trauma association

a subsequent birth can be really healing, whether elective CS or VBAC...there was a really interesting thread recently about PND triggered by emergency c.s and traumatic birth, which i could link here for you...

i am so glad that you have come through this stronger and are having another baby.

lulumama · 21/01/2007 15:01

emergency c.s for me first time, after a failed induction, and a vaginal delivery second time....which certainly healed the experience of the first birth for me..it is such a personal thing though

Original poster

lillaura · 21/01/2007 15:10

there wasnt anythiing particular a mixture of things really no support from midwife, b4 , during , or after left alone for hours (36 hr labour) 7 hours pushing) ds halfway out then contractions stopped, - asked for epidural took over hour for doc to arrive to do it then wen he eventually arrived he was still half asleep rubbing his eyes - didnt get epidural in time to had no pain relief - then the pain afterwards un like some people cuz of the stress etc and prob in relationship i never got to the bit where u 4get it all - in the long run dh was scared for me wen i said i was pregnant again as he said he couldnt watch me go thru it again - i couldnt do it on my own - my stress levels have reduced since findoing out i was allowed section - my mw was of no support to me i burst into tears of happiness wen consultant sed i could av one!!!! id love those links - thanx girls

OP posts:

northender · 21/01/2007 15:14

I had an awful time 1st time round and ended up with a cs (not planned but not emergency iyswim). Went for a planned cs 2nd time which was a wonderful, healing experience and laid to rest a lot of ghosts. I couldn't face the thought of things going the same way as the first time or having a traumatic vag delivery. You have to weigh up the risks/benefits for yourself but an elective cs can indeed bring you the healing you're after. You need to consider the risks/complications involved of course but they can be minimised by what you do afterwards eg early mobilising etc.

Good luck whatever you decide!

SoupDragon · 21/01/2007 15:15

"my stress levels have reduced since findoing out i was allowed section" says it all IMO.

Original poster

lillaura · 21/01/2007 15:17

IMO - i dnt understand?

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Original poster

lillaura · 21/01/2007 15:18

northender - thank u that has made it easier now i heard of someone else doing it too - thats support hun thank u

OP posts:

SoupDragon · 21/01/2007 15:48

IMO = in my opinion. The statement you made about how being told you could have a csection made your stress levels drop makes it seem like it's the right choice for you. IMO

fruitful · 21/01/2007 15:59

You're not a wuss! A cs is not an easy option either. But it can be nice and calm!

This is a good site for info about csections, doing a birth plan for your csection, etc - csections.org

time4tea · 21/01/2007 16:08

Hello

I was in a similar situation, and have a friend also who is going to ask for a CS. I felt like a wuss - and that people were judging me. My ds was born by elective CS because of breech, and given that lots of people I knew who had a cs first time round and then were keen on vbac, and it didn't work out, long labour and then second cs, it seemed like a sensible option. (stats for this in my hospital - 40% chance of emergency CS after trial of VBAC)

Also I had a mc in spring last year, had a lot of stress because of this, plus other bereavement, I just needed a sense of calm. Certainly i got that in the first elective CS with my son.

I agree with Soupdragon, I felt much less stressed once I made the decision and talked it through with my obstetrician. That speaks volumes for the rightness of your decision. All I would say is, make sure you plan for enough rest, not putting strain on your scar from lifting etc. not easy with toddlers around! good luck to you

xenabelly · 21/01/2007 19:41

I've not read all the replies but I just wanted to tell you about my experience.

I also had an emergency section with DD1 and it was a truly awful experience but doesn't sound as bad as yours in that it was only really me that was affected.

I had flashbacks for 3 years, was terrified of hospitals and felt humiliated and degraded and useless.

I also felt a bit bad about opting for an elective (felt like a wuss) BUT came out of hospital yesterday with my beautiful baby boy (5 days old) and can honestly say that I definately made the right decision.

I bonded within seconds with the baby, felt confident and the whole experience was very calm and ordered and lovely (it still hurt mind! lol!). It has made a HUGE difference to how i feel about the first birth, feel like I can put it behind me a bit now and the memories are nowhere near as painful.

I would say go for an elective - who cares how baby gets out - it's family life afterwards that matters!

Anglaise1 · 21/01/2007 20:04

I had an emcs last time because of a failed induction that lasted 2 days. I'm going for an elective this time round and I don't feel guilty about it, but I do feel a little judged on it as time4tea says. However, I had a really easy recovery from the CS last time, I can plan to have my DP there (he works abroad) and I don't feel at all stressed about it.

tribpot · 21/01/2007 20:08

I honestly think in your situation I wouldn't hesitate to opt for a c-section. I've never had one, incidentally, but one of my fellow 2005 Junies had a similar experience to you, horrific first birth and elective second time around - it worked for her!

fizzbuzz · 21/01/2007 20:21

I think you have done the right thing. I had terrible first birth, and c section second time and it was wonderful.

Recovery was much faster than vaginal delivery, and felt very safe, controlled and calm during c section which i never felt during first birth.

It really was a fantastic experience. I was as high as a kite for 6 weeks after

LieselVentouse · 21/01/2007 20:32

Im also having one but not through choice - you are not a woos, its not a competition.

Original poster

lillaura · 22/01/2007 08:46

tanx for all the supprot everyone - xenabelly - congrats just had me in emotional hormonal tears all tingly now

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mojomands · 22/01/2007 14:40

I go in for an elective section on Friday following a traumatic first birth. I feel so much calmer this time - i'll keep you posted as to how things go.

lucy5 · 22/01/2007 15:03

I think you have got to do what ever you feel is best for you and your baby. I had an induced vaginal birth with my dd and it did haunt me for a while, not how I had planned it, fast and furious etc However it didn't compare to my recent emergency c-section.
Now 8 weeks on I still feel resentful about it [not ruining my life or anything] but I feel robbed of the birth experience. I don't feel like I have given birth. Here in Spain the baby is taken away and your husband isn't allowed in. It still plays on my mind that I don't know where my baby was for the first 4 hours of his life and the first few hours I had with him I can barely remember. Luckily I have no PND and have had no trouble bonding with my boy.

What I am trying to say is , that if you feel a c-section will help you cope better, feel more in control, bond better with the baby then do it.

ChaCha · 22/01/2007 17:27

Can I just congratulate Xena Belly first if she checks this thread..Congratulations!!

I had an emergency section 13 months ago after a failed induction. It was by no means a pleasant experience but all was soon forgotten after meeting my little boy. Some of the medical professionals who were present during the section did their best to make the experience as tranquil as possible, talking me through everything, taking pictures etc.. but after a 23 hour traumatic and tiring experience it was far from the birth that i had hoped for.

I had hoped for a VBAC this time but after considering many factors have now decided on an elective section and my date is booked, just a few weeks away. I felt an overwhelming sense of relief when i'd finally made the decision and i'm really happy for it, in fact, i'm actually quite excited now and even the packing of my hospital bag to the arranging childcare and toddler activities is calm, organised and well planned.

Well, after my ramblings i have to say this; making the decision for an elective is by no means one to be taken lightly. It is afterall major surgery and so no, not a
'wuss' at all, just someone who is making a decision that is right for her and her family. Good luck! C-sections are not the easy option that some people think they are - hope we all have happy healthy babies anyway...

Anyone having a section soon and already have a little one?

TuttiFrutti · 22/01/2007 17:41

Yes, Chacha, me! I have a section booked for 2 weeks time when my ds will be 22 months.

Exactly same story as you - 23 hour labour culminating in emergency cs. Couldn't face going through that again. Felt relief wash over me when they agreed I could have an elective cs this time.

mojomands · 22/01/2007 18:39

Me too having section fri and have a 2 well nearly 3 year old!

ChaCha · 22/01/2007 19:54

Good to know, we can compare notes! Good Luck Girls, all the best and fingers crossed for an easy and quick recovery!

Let us know how it all goes.

Anglaise1 · 22/01/2007 20:00

Me too, in 6 weeks hopefully, already have have DD who will be just 6 (EMCS). It is great being able to plan for things and I don't care at all that I won't ever experience a VBAC. I hope the recovery from the cs is as easy as it was last time - good luck with your c/s ChaCha, TuttiFruiti and Mojomands!

mojomands · 22/01/2007 21:03

How long will I be in the hospital for as I keep getting mixed opinions some say 2 days others seem to think nearer a week?

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