Confused, stressed, terrified and I can't concentrate. Nobody to talk to

[Bella1209]

Hi everyone
I don't know if anyone can offer me any advice as I don't know who to talk to. I found out last week I'm pregnant with baby no6 and I don't know how I feel. Well actually I do and it sounds awful but I'm petrified I won't cope and can't imagine having 3 kids under 5. I have a 16 yr old girl who is golden but always says there's too many of them. A 14 year old girl, a 9 year old son, a 3 year old girl and my baby girl who is 15 months today.i I love the bones of them all but it's hard work and can be very stressful. My husband works full time mon-friday 40 hours and I work 16 hours, all day Sunday and Monday and Tuesday mornings. The 2 little ones go to private nursery on a Monday and Tuesday. We had a loft conversion last year for the 2 eldest so now have 4 bedrooms but we only have a 7 seater zafira so we would have to do something about that. I'm so worried how other people look at us as big families get so much stick. We both work for our kids but some people are very judgmental. What will my family say? I'm scared I will disappoint them. My husband is pleased but he's concerned about my state of mind over this pregnancy. I get severe nausea for the first 15/16 weeks and I'm dreading that and also piling on the weight again. Also will I cope with 6 kids??? I can't think of anything else. I hate myself and I just want a bit of advice..please xx

Hi Bella1209 - please don't allow yourself to hate yourself. sounds like you are a great mum, bet your children and partner think the world of you. This is your decsion and your partners only in ref to you worrying about other family members. This is your family, what a wonderful family it sounds, large loving family. you must feel very maxed out at times and can totally understand the apprehension adding another bundle of joy. If you can get a chance to have some quiet time, on your own and with your partner only - think this may help as must be difficult to think clearling with a busy household. Any chance of taking a day off together to chat through. However you decide to move forward do it with confidence and don't look back. All the v best, really hope others can offer support and even better advice than what I can

Have you got any family around who might help you?

I should forget worrying about what other people think of you having a large family - it is frankly none of their business. Large families can be great fun - but, of course, very hard work. I am not surprised that you feel a bit daunted, especially as you get the sickness - that is grim.

It sounds to me as though you will manage fine once you get over the first shock - you are obviously a good Mum.

Ever thought of sending that man of yours for a quick snip?

Hi, I found myself in a similar position to you back in December although not baby no6, mine is baby no5. But I have quite small age gaps (the three youngest will be just turned three and under) my older two are 5 and 7. I was also terrified of getting judged and terrified of feeling like I had let my family down...so much I only told mum less than 2 weeks ago when I was 27 weeks pregnant. Most people still don't know. We both work, I also go to college and start uni in March to do a degree in nursing. But I have just decided I'm just going to get on with it and not let people's opinions bother me anymore - people will always have something to criticise no matter what the situation is.

Coping wise, when I had my first three children they were 4, 2 and then my newborn, my fourth arrived when ds3 was 20 months old. It is hectic at first but once a routine is established it really helps and in all honesty I've enjoyed having them quite close in age...they fight like cat and dog but they are also best friends. You already have 5 and I'm sure no6 will just fit in lovely.

The shock does get better too, it's a big thing, even when a baby is planned on its daunting, so when it's a suprise it can take abit longer to adjust to but it does happen. I'm 28+5 now and cannot wait to meet this baby, it took alot of time to get over the shock but it happened.

Good luck, although I'm sure you don't need it as you sound like a great mum that will do just fine

Just wanted to thank you all for your lovely comments. I am very overwhelmed at the moment and so confused. I just want the very best for my kiddies and I don't want to let them down by having another. What if I don't cope? My husband is happy and says he will support me and help as much as he can. He adores the kids but it is hard and I know when I'm at work he finds it hard too. We don't have a family we can rely on, people to help us out but the majority of the time we are on our own and that's hard I know my brother and sister in law are there for us but they have their own lives and our kids are our responsibility so I don't want to put on anyone. I just want the best for everyone. I'm scared about the morning sickness too and I know it will.last around 10 weeks. What if I can't love this baby like I love my little girl, she is my baby and she can get jealous if anyone comes near me. She isn't walking yet and I still see her as my baby even though she is 15 months old. She will be nearly 2 when the baby is born. 3 kids under 5 will be hard and would i cope going out and about on mybown with them?? My emotions are all over the place and another primary concern is other people and my boss as I only went back to work at the end of January this year. I know I shouldn't care what others think and my hubby doesn't so why do I. Sorry for being such a pain x

Hi Bella

I don't have any advice for you as such but I can empathise. I'm just pregnant with dc6 also and worrying about all of the practicalities that you've mentioned. I don't suffer ms though, that must be tough. like I said I've no advice, but wanted to say I understand how you are feeling right now xx

Thanks cantstringawordtogether. How far along are you? I'm so scared and it's nice to know I'm not alone. What have your family said? Means a lot you replying to me hun xx

Bella I've only just found out and it's early days so just me and Dh know. I'm not looking forward to certain peoples reactions, both of our parents for starters! It's not going to be easy but I'm trying to not to dwell on my anxieties (although was awake ages last night doing exactly that!)

If your decision is to add to the family - and don't feel bad if it isn't - is there any chance you can afford an au pair or even better, a nanny for 18 month ( pregnancy and the first year?). It's what friends decided when they expected on more than they felt they could cope with and it really helped. Wasn't that much more money than having two kids in nursery but that probably depends where you are... Xx

I really hope things go well love and you have slept better past couple of nights. I'm the same. I'm snappy, feel like rubbish and I'm so anxious I can't concentrate on anything. My dh and I are also the only ones that know. I'm worried how this will effect my 3 eldest kids, more the 2 eldest tbh. They are my world and I hope they don't think I'm not good enough and I don't have enough time as it is. They are so good with the 2 little ones and they adore them but it is hard and I do rely on their help especially the eldest. She always says she doesn't mind but I do.
I wish I could afford a live in nanny and to be honest we don't have the space. My dh is great but isn't the most patient and is terrible for wanting the house clean which as you can appreciate with 5 kids and a dog it can be hard. Don't get me wrong I clean up on a morning and then I'm tidying through the day too but it's never going to be a show house lol. Thanks for the advice it's appreciated. I'm just so anxious xx

Hi Bella
Patience isn't my DH's strong point either although it's me that's the clean freak here (not that the house is ever really clean for long when I do manage it!)
Haven't slept well all week, one or other of the kids have been in during the night or early in the morning every night and even though they've been going back to sleep I haven't been able to, and I've even lying there thinking about everything and getting myself all wound up!
A live in nanny would be amazing in fairness!
My smaller kids will be thrilled when they hear there's a baby coming, they're always asking me for one, DD2 would love a baby sister to even up the score! Eldest DD has me sussed I think but I'm not letting on until things are more established. It will be hard keeping it from her as she reads me so well though. I think she will be ok with it. She has big exams next year though so I'm worried it will be quite disruptive for her :/
How far along are you Bella? Are you feeling ok?