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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Will they take away my baby?? Urgent help needed :(

54 replies

scaredandworriedneedhelp · 19/06/2016 20:39

I have had help with MH matters in the past. PND, mild depression which I have had medication for for several years, and I have tried to commit suicide before. I also have been diagnosed with Aspergers.

I to,d my midwife recently that I felt my depression was returning a but worse than before, and I asked about getting help. But someone told me today that now my baby will be taken away from me. I'm now terrified to go to the Dr or midwife again, and don't even want to answer the door.

Can they take my baby away? If so, why? I can't stop crying.

OP posts:

amarmai · 19/06/2016 21:23

Only if your GP recommends or if you think this person may have done so.

amarmai · 19/06/2016 21:26

No not unless you want to.

SugarMiceInTheRain · 19/06/2016 21:26

Please, please speak to your GP, they will be able to help you - I have suffered with PND twice - first time I thought I'd just brave it out and 'cope' without ADs - I didn't really cope well and was in such a horrible fog that I have blocked out the first 18 months or so of my son's life, I just felt so awful. With my daughter, 6 years later, I asked for support, was given ADs and it made a big difference. Home Start may well be able to support you and there are other charities who understand and can give excellent advice. Since my experience of PND and struggling with my little family after birth I became a volunteer with HomeStart and have helped support several families in similar situations to yours.

The priority of the professionals will be keeping your family together and supporting you to enable that to happen. Whoever told you such horrible scaremongering stories is really not your friend at all.

MetalMidget · 19/06/2016 21:29

I don't know how much things have changed since the 80s, but when I was little, my mother had two psychotic breaks (complete with hallucinations and delusions) and was diagnosed variously with borderline schizophrenia and manic depression. She was institutionalised twice. My brother and I were never removed from our parents.

I think the authorities generally prefer to keep families together, especially when the ill parent is willingly seeking support.

peachypips · 19/06/2016 21:31

You def won't have the baby taken away. I had severe PND after my first, with hospitalisation. Then got it again but this time when I was pregnant with DS2. Again I was hospitalised. This time I was referred to the perinatal mental health team who cared for me until after the birth when I gradually got better.
Go to a good GP and ask for a referral to the perinatal mental health team (although only 40% of the country has this service so depends where you live).
The best thing for you and the baby is to get specialist treatment, I PROMISE you xx

Junosmum · 19/06/2016 21:32

I'm a qualified social worker. Social Services will support you to get the help you need to help you be the best mum you can be. If you work with them then they will help.

Please keep working with all the professionals. If you stop working with them then that is of more concern to social services.

I would stop listening to your 'friend' she is just trying to scare you. Try not to worry.

FeckinCrutches · 19/06/2016 21:33

I've had PND three times, and sectioned after my second. I had a third and no one questioned anything, I just had the help I needed. Your 'friend' is talking utter shit.

greathat · 19/06/2016 21:37

They won't take your baby away. A friend had severe PND and was having hallucinations and suicidal thoughts. Her baby wasn't taken away, they were admitted together to a mother and baby unit. Its in no one's best interest for baby to be away from you, so it won't happen

DollyBarton · 19/06/2016 21:37

That's no 'friend'. Please don't worry. The authorities want people to parent themselves, not to take children into care. There has to be a real danger to a child for them to be removed. Speak to your midwife and GP, showing a desire to help yourself shows that you are not in a situation where SS would get involved in itself. Good luck and I hope you feel better soon.

99percentchocolate · 19/06/2016 21:39

Firstly, never have anything to do with this "friend" again. They have been incredibly cruel to you and have told you complete lies.

When I had my DD 4 years ago I had severe PND afterwards. It started with antenatal depression and progressed after birth when I struggled to breastfeed. I didn't seek help until I started suffering with psychosis. I
phoned a friend in a panic, convinced I had shaken my baby. I hadn't. She told me my dd needed to see a Dr immediately. Thankfully the nurse immediately saw what was going on and got the GP. Baby was fine but I was in a very bad state.
I was put on the highest dose of sertraline & closely monitored from there onwards. I progressed further into my depression despite weekly monitoring by my GP and HV.
I started planning how to kill myself and very, very nearly went through with it. After that I was put on suicide watch and had to see my GP in person every day for a few weeks and referred for counselling. It was 2 1/2 years until I was recovered.

The reason I'm telling you this is that I was in a very, very bad way for a long time and at times I was a very real danger to myself. My baby is still with me and I've even gone on to have another.

This time I was closely monitored and a place reserved for me in a mother and baby unit should I need it - I don't. This time I have no trace of PND. You may well escape that terrible illness this time too.

Sending you lots of love as I know the terror of wondering if PND is around the corner. I hope you escape it too.

serin · 19/06/2016 21:40

Sweetheart, go and talk to your GP, you can trust her/him. There are months to go before your baby is even born, with the right treatment now you might not even have depression when it is born.

You do not need to contact social services. If and when you need them you can do so then.

Right now you need medical help.

plimsolls · 19/06/2016 21:41

They won't take your baby away. As PP have said, if anything, the fact you have identified the signs of your MH issues returning and taken active steps to seek help, will be read as positive signs you are a capable mother. Also, the aim is always to keep babies with their mothers unless the baby (or mother) is at significant risk of harm by staying together.

mugginsalert · 19/06/2016 21:41

I had an incident a few weeks ago and was very worried about my kids being taken away. The doctor was brilliant and reassured me, said that social services would only get involved when they felt there was evidence of an active threat to the children, also reminded me how many mothers face depression during pregnancy and early years of children. Getting help is seen as a good thing.

In my area people with mh issues can access additional support during pregnancy and postnatally, which is definitely worth having. it sounds like you're doing the right thing.

LobsterQuadrille · 19/06/2016 21:41

I had suicidal thoughts, hallucinations and was sectioned when DD was small. I had no husband but my parents were close by. There was never a suggestion that DD would be taken away but I was so petrified by the thought that I over cooperated with my GP and staff in the psychiatric unit, trying desperately to appear "normal". Honesty and truthfulness and working with the teams is absolutely the best way to go. This thread has made me cry with the amount of brilliant advice and support. Wishing you all the very best.

SpecialStains · 19/06/2016 21:51

Please ignore your friend. They are an idiot. Your GP and SS will not take a baby away purely because the mother has depression. Your GP will think it's a good thing you're accessing help, so you can be a better parent. :-)

JellyBellyKelly · 19/06/2016 21:52

Here are a tiny fraction of the things that happened to my (adopted) children over a 3 year period before they were remove from their birth mother. I have changed some minor detail for anonymity but nothing that over exaggerates the following events.

Allowed access to poisonous substances
Allowed unsupervised access to areas where there was a very real risk of serious injury or death (think train tracks or similar). This is when they were under 4 years old.
Punished for minor misdemeanours by not being given food or drink for 24 hours
If not eating food, it being bought out again and again - for days - until it was eaten.
Shut in locked cupboards
Advice of doctors ignored when treating serious illness.
Acquiring broken bones and adults who were looking after them denying all knowledge. The injuries were initially deemed to be 'non accidental' at A&E.

It was only the last event that led to their removal... Unbelieveably none of the previous events was deemed serious enough to trigger a care order being granted.

I know it's scary but please try not to worry. Your 'friend' is talking utter, utter shit.

actuallyaftersomeworkboots · 19/06/2016 21:52

Please don't listen to this 'friend'. I'm another who suffered with PND that had a very good outcome. My GP referred me to Social Services and I was very, very supported by a lovely Social Worker. NEVER was there any mention of my children being taken into care, I was just helped and supported through the difficult time until I was able to cope again on my own.

Take any support offered to you, if social services should become involved it will be with the aim of supporting you to cope, not to seperate you from your child.

JellyBellyKelly · 19/06/2016 21:53

And the reason I know these things happened is because she was proud of her parenting and methods of discipline, so openly talked about it with SS during their involvement.

Italiangreyhound · 19/06/2016 21:55

Your friend is very ignorant and cruel. Please get the help you need. Plus the usual, plenty of sleep and good food, fresh air etc and help from doctor too. Huge hugs to you. Please try not to worry.

Kizzyblack1 · 19/06/2016 21:55

All the above is great advice. Talk to your GP about how you feel, you've already said that you trust them and found them helpful. During my 1st pregnancy when I suffered from depression I was referred to a wonderful counsellor via my midwife. She specialised in supporting mums with ante and postnatal depression. There is a good chance that your midwife or GP can help you access someone similar and they will help you to feel confident that you are absolutely the best person for your baby to be with. Best wishes and hugs.

JellyBellyKelly · 19/06/2016 21:57

Oh, and by the way. My own, wonderful mother has aspergers; and had post natal depression and post natal psychosis which she suffered from repeatedly until I was 12.

There was never any mention of me being taken into care.

Just5minswithDacre · 19/06/2016 22:00

Autism is perfectly 'normal' (if not NT) and both Autism and MH difficulties are very common.

Think about your capabilities and your support system and not about your diagnoses

RedToothBrush · 19/06/2016 22:02

I had MH problems during my pregnancy.

I was under the care of a specialist midwife as a result.

They stressed the more you admit it when you have a problem and seek help the more they will try and help and will view this as a POSITIVE thing rather than a negative thing. It shows you are aware that you are having trouble, and therefore are doing everything you can to NOT put your child at risk. This counts FOR you not against.

Your 'friend' is an ignorant fool who is putting your child at risk, not you.

Seek help.

trafalgargal · 19/06/2016 22:16

Three steps

1 Talk to your GP or midwife
2 Stop worrying
3 Block your "friend" on your phone and social media - No-one needs "friends" like that

StarkyTheDirewolf · 19/06/2016 22:46

To reiterate what everyone else has said. Ss have no interest in removing babies from mothers who care, especially mothers (and mothers to be) who care enough to seek help. That is specifically what my midwife told me. She also said that asking/acknowledging was the first step and was an incredibly positive thing.

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