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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Already tired of keeping pregnancy secret!

18 replies

vgiraffe · 17/06/2016 21:50

Just here to moan (although not sure moan is the right word as thrilled to be pg and nothing to moan about!)...

I'm about 6-7 weeks (thought I was about 8 but had an early scan this week due to some bleeding and that has set me back) and am already struggling with not being able to tell anyone! We haven't even told our parents, mostly because OH thinks his won't be able to keep a secret! A couple of people have guessed and I have denied it and then felt guilty! Is it driving anyone else mad??

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lightcola · 17/06/2016 21:53

You don't HAVE to keep it secret. I didn't the second time round.

chicken2015 · 17/06/2016 21:55

I totally understand this I'm 5 weeks and I feel like I want to tell everyone!! But too scared , feel if I keep it secret it doesn't feel real!

Minispringroll · 17/06/2016 22:00

It's up to you whether you are keeping it a secret. My parents and sister and inlaws knew from 6 weeks (after first scan). Work knew that early, too (in case something went wrong). Told my nan after 9 week scan (to avoid any more disappointment...had only just told her about our second loss).
I'm 15 weeks now and most people know.

chicken2015 · 17/06/2016 22:04

Do u usually have a scan at 8 weeks? I thought 12 weeks was normally first?

Nicnak2223 · 17/06/2016 22:05

Just tell people.

I needed to declare to work as soon as I found out so that made it easier for me to tell people.

All family and (close) friends basically people we see mist weeks, knew before 12 weeks. We never did a big Facebook announcement (until he was here) so we just enjoyed telling people as we saw them. I would have felt like u was lieing by not saying. If the worst had happened I doubt I would have regretted people knowing.

Imaginosity · 17/06/2016 22:07

I find it strange that it's the norm to keep a pregnancy secret in the early days. I've had a good few miscarriages and I think it's better to be more open about things.

One this pregnancy I told people from the early stages that I was pregnant - but only those people who I think I'd be comfortable telling them is miscarried.

So i told a good few people but said it was early days and we'd wait and see if it worked out.

I kind of needed to tell people anyway as I was very sick so it meant I didn't have to pretend I was well and wonder if people were noticing was sick and guessing anyway that i was pregnant. This made it much easier in work as my boss and everyone I worked with knew I was pregnant and understood when I needed to take it easy because I was sick.

Original poster

vgiraffe · 17/06/2016 22:12

I guess I am keeping it a secret because I am quite a private person and know that if something did happen I really wouldn't want everyone to know. Also I have PCOS so think chances of that happening are a bit higher. Ideally I would have told my close friends and family but I don't feel it's fair then to not tell OH's parents (who may well be able to keep quiet for a few weeks but OH reckons not). I am seeing my parents in a few weeks (I haven't seen them since becoming pg) so may tell them then and OH will tell his and whatever happens happens....

chicken - wasn't a planned scan, just went for one because I had some bleeding so was advised to get it checked out.

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Original poster

vgiraffe · 17/06/2016 22:14

I know I can't have it both ways! It's just frustrating.

And good point about symptoms - if they do get bad then I think I will have to tell people - eg. work.

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StarryStarryArm · 17/06/2016 23:14

I know how you feel. For the first few weeks after I found out I thought I would just blurt it out involuntarily.

"Have you any plans for the weekend?"
"I'M PREGNANT"

CeeCeeEnnEss · 18/06/2016 07:19

Starry I'm finding it really hard not to do just that!

thecatsarecrazy · 18/06/2016 07:25

I'm 6 weeks and don't want anyone to know. Its difficult though because I feel like shyte. Even my 7 year old has worked it out. He said mum do you have a baby in your tummy? I asked y do u say that? And he said because your sick and I googled it and that's what happens. I was trying to deny it but feeling a little shocked that came from him.

DollyBarton · 18/06/2016 07:29

I think people get this wrong. It's rarely a secret but it is private. Usually many people, especially the ones close to you, have guessed before 12 weeks unless you have literally no symptoms. You just have to hope people are not rude enough to ask when you haven't told.

So if someone asks, instead of lying just say 'it rude to ask that before someone announces and I'd rather not discuss it' because even if you lie they usually know.

So don't panic about whether it's a secret or not. Just think of it as private.

DollyBarton · 18/06/2016 07:33

But I understand you wanting to tell is the bigger thing here. Be patient! Or tell people if you prefer. It really only depends on how you would feel reselling people if things didn't work out.

thrillhouse · 18/06/2016 07:42

I'm not keeping it a secret as such this time round, but I'm also not shouting from the rooftops about it. I feel too crappy and miserable to keep it a complete secret!

Whatsername17 · 18/06/2016 07:57

With my dd we told parents and siblings as soon as the the test was dry. It was lovely having their support. With number 2 we kept it a secret. We wanted dd (4) to be the first to know so booked a private scan the day before Christmas eve so that we could tell dd and then our parents at Christmas. In my head, I'd planned telling them over and over and I was so excited. However, our scan revealed I'd had a missed miscarriage. Because I was so far along, I was devestated and needed to tell parents. Telling them that there was a baby, but the baby had died was the worst thing I've ever had to do. The only upside was that we had kept dd safe from the heartbreak. I had to tell work because the hospital refused to give me tablets or do a d&c as it was 'protocol' to be re-scanned after a week to confirm what we already knew. Therefore I had to wait, which forced me to go through a natural mc. It didnt start until 12 weeks and finally completed at 13 weeks. I had to take a week and a bit off work. I needed my colleagues to be understanding (a week off doesn't go down well at my place) so I was honest about why I was off. It made returning to work so much easier. This time, I've told parents, my best friend, some close people at work and siblings. Im keeping it quiet from others but not denying it because if something were to go wrong I'd need support and understanding. Telling people was joyless this time because I'm so terrified and jaded by last time. I just needed to get it out so people could understand why im not myself. Everyone has been so supportive because they know what I have been through. The only person I haven't told is dd. We had an early scan and the news was good but we will wait until after the next scan to tell her. You have to do what is right for you. But, whenever you tell them, enjoy it. The 'magical 12 week mark' is a myth. Love beings as soon as you see that line on the test. Celebrate your pregnancy and do whatever feels most right to you.

bumblebee86 · 18/06/2016 10:13

Im now 12 weeks but don't have my 12 week scan until next week although I did have a scan around week 8 which was reassuring to see baby there and a heartbeat. We told my parents and OH parents about a week after we found out when I was about 5 and a half weeks and also my Sisters. Since then I've told work colleagues, close friends and family and it's been so nice being able to talk about it and share the excitement with people close to me. I also decided that if something happened I'd want the support of the people close to me and they all thought that too.

SadzR1 · 18/06/2016 14:16

I am keeping it until 12 weeks. OH mum already told everyone we are conceiving bfre we even started trying!

Original poster

vgiraffe · 18/06/2016 22:02

Thanks for all your replies - it is reassuring to see that everyone is different and there is no right or wrong in when to tell people!

Dolly I like that you made a distinction between a 'secret' and 'private' - I do prefer to think of it as private. My best friend was one of the people who asked (only a few close friends knew we were even ttc) and I would like to tell her but really want my parents to know first. She was drunk when she asked though and haven't seen her since so don't know if it will come up again!

Whatsername I'm sorry to hear about your difficult time, sounds really hard. It did occur to me that if I did mc it would be a really (emotionally) difficult conversation to have with anyone that I might choose to tell.

Having pondered it a lot in the last few days, I am now thinking I will probably tell my parents when I see them in a few weeks time (I do really want to tell them in person). I'm sure my mum would guess anyway, she seems to be good at knowing things!

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